Would you class this as cheating? And should I tell him :( ?

I've been dating this guy for about 6 months now. We're not exclusive, but we're not seeing other people. For the last 2 months, he's hit a hard patch with his depression and he's changed his medication, which has made his behavior somewhat difficult; he's grumpy, withdrawn and never shows affection but he never pushes me away when I kiss him, cuddle etc. I've been slowly getting used to handling the whole depression thing; I feel more relaxed around him and don't feel like I'm treading on eggshells. I tell him that I'm there for him, and he appreciates it. Thing is, I sometimes get resentful and feel that my needs are being ignored. He listens to me when I have problems, and is supportive but I feel like I've been investing all my energy into him and getting nothing in return affection-wise, which I guess is not his fault because of his condition.. but still! I feel like it's all about him most of the time.

We've never spoken about exclusivity, because 1. I feel he wants to trust me 100% and that I can handle and accept him 2. I need to know I'm ready for this too, plus I don't want to get hurt.

Thing is, this all feels so heavy. I really like him, and I knew it wasn't going to be a typical dating experience. I went out with some friends the other day, and I met this guy who was exactly my type. We clicked instantly, and he gave me his number. Without thinking, I went on a date with him and the experience was refreshing. We also kissed - several times. Now I really regret it. I saw the guy I'm dating yesterday and I felt wracked with guilt. He's not my boyfriend, and after a lot of thought I know he's the one I want to be with and its made me realise how much I do care about him.

As we're not official, is it worth me keeping this under wraps? I'm not seeing the other guy again.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your first 2 sentences answer your question, you did not cheat. I'm my book, that's a little messed up, but it can't technically be called cheating if you're not exclusive. Now that you know you want to be with him, don't stray. If it was me, I'd like to know what you did, given the nature of your relationship, but you don't have to.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you both was never official then it isn't cheating. You can date a person for months or years, but if you don't announce that your together for a serious relationship it isn't. But it does say that your confused and fickle about who you really like. Its normal and its okay to feel lost at times, but you do need to mindful of how your actions will effect that person and other people. But now you have to chose who you want to be with, and let this be very clear. If you need time to think on this, do it now. Because both of them may not wait for you. And sooner or later, you will have to tell both of them the truth of what is happening. But don't hold back your feelings and confusion either no matter how upset they get. Just understand their pain. But if they react unreasonably, then you have to serious think if they are worth dating exclusively long term, and get out.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If he's not your boyfriend, it's not cheating. If it bothers you, tell him about it and see what he has to say. He shouldn't care, and it may be an opportunity for you to bring up how you really feel about him.

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  • It's not technically cheating, because you weren't exclusive, but he has the right to know. He deserves to know what he is getting into (if he ever does want to be exclusive).

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  • No need to even discuss it. As you said--you're not exclusive with the guy so you've done nothing wrong.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Of course it's cheating. It's a betrayal of trust. You don't need to use the term "official" with each other to determine if it's serious or not. You've been together 6 months so it should be a "given" that you both can be trust each other not to see other people.

    I'd never do that to guy. It's disrespectful. You've crossed a boundary. If you don't want to be with him any longer and you aren't happy with him then you should end it , so he can have the opportunity to find a girl who won't hurt him by betraying his trust. Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal.

    If you'd found him in bed with another girl would you be ok with that or hurt, considering you don't view it an "official"relationship

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  • If you both agreed to not see other then yes this is cheating. But I don't think you have an obligation to tell him, though. The more important thing is to talk to him about how you feel and to decide if you want to stay with him or not. But honestly, if you enjoyed kissing another guy then I think the answer is simple.

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  • People pleasing. People who try to please others wind up resenting the people theyre trying to please because they get nothing in return. But it sounds like you're also a caretaker. You enjoy taking care of him? It just depends on what you see your future with him like. Will he ever get better? People dont really change but sometimes they can. If he's depressed because something bad happened then maybe he will get better over time. But i wouldn't fall into the trap of trying to fix him. That never works out. I wouldn't tell him about the guy you went out with. he's really fragile right now. there's nothing stopping you from sticking around for at least a couple months to see how it goes. Maybe he just needs some time to warm up to you.

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  • Why don't you want to see the other guy? I think you should.

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  • It sounds like you'd be better off with the other guy

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  • yes that is cheating

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