Help with a guy I think I lost?

I think I ruined my chances on something real, and I need some advice.

Super Abridged:

I bumped into a guy I already somewhat knew (family ties) and we immediately hit it off. He bartends at a rooftop venue I was at for a wedding reception. He's good looking (great looking), hilarious, confident, cultured, well-mannered. Sweet, but also rugged (has a motorcycle, works on old cars, enjoys getting in fights). I know no one is perfect, but some people are just attractive. He is one of those people that graces this world.

After visiting him at work a few more times, I ended up texting him. I already had his number because he had already invited me to an invite-only party at his work (turned him down, stupid I know).

He had previously hinted that he was moving soon, and upon the progression of our relationship, explained further. He got a dream job in Singapore (bartending is a job in the meantime), and would be going within a couple months.

I've had some bad experiences with guys, some of it obviously my fault. I explained this to him, and said I wanted space for a time. He said that we could stay in contact with the intention of moving things along after he returns. He said that he'd wait, if that was ok with me. I said I'd love that, and that we should continue to hang out before he left. He said that sounded great.

Then I got scared. He actually had feelings for me. I meant so much to him. I flaked on him a couple times. He ended up explaining that if I didn't want to see him, he didn't need to be chasing me around. He told me to let him know when I was free. I never did. He contacted me again, and asked if I was interested in him at all. I (stupidly) told him I was never looking for a relationship in the first place. He was hurt, but respectful. Said he couldn't make me like him.

Now he's in Singapore, and he just blocked me on social media. I can't even follow along anymore, and it's beginning to set in. I thinks he's really gone.

Any hope? :'(


What Guys Said 2

  • He basically gave you his heart on a silver platter and you crushed it. That hurts. Get your shit together and go see him when he returns. Hope he hasn't found someone else. Then you rekindle your love. Optional: Write a book about it and make millions. Now I'm not judging you here or antything. We all make mistakes. You've made yours and hopefully learned from them. Now prepare yourself. Open up and tell him exactly how you feel and let him know what happened. By the time he gets back he might be over you or he might've missed you. I don't know. But I do know that you're gonna have to prove yourself if you want him back.

    So prep your ass then go get him girl. I'm rooting for you even if I seem a little harsh.

  • I would say there is still a chance. Just don't flake on him again. He made himself very vulnerable knowing you liked him and it's hard to get past the hurt when you get rejected after that. (I'm sure you know that already.) If you're *absolutely* sure this time, write him something heartfelt that explains what you just told the Internet. Explain the mistakes and what insecurities led to them. That way he understands and doesn't just think you're a flake. He'd have to be a hard MF to ignore it. Find a way to get him the message, a trusted mutual friend, for example.

    Good luck and happiness to you!


What Girls Said 1

  • Were you trying to chase him away by telling him those things? Were you scared of trying to care about him while he was far away? You have to ask yourself why you responded that way first. He probably took it as you never cared about him in the first place, so he probably cared for you, and did not want to continue to see you on social media, knowing he was there, you were away, and you hurt him. You might be able to message him still (FB) not sure, but if you wanted to try to explain yourself, and you don't have a phone number