No physical touch?

So, I've been talking to this girl, and we've come to the conclusion that we both have romantic feelings for one another, but still, she is uncomfortable with me touching her. And I'm not even talking about sexual touches, I'm talking hugs and pats on the shoulder, you know.

This boggles my mind because I also don't like people to touch me, much like her, however i wouldn't shy away if someone i love tried to touch me. Anyone want to try and explain this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That is a tough one... for the most part I don't bother with women who can't match my "love language" ... and for me TOUCH is a big one. I love to be touched by my partner. So if I meet a woman that doesn't like being touched I tend to move on fast.

    But why not just ask her. I think it shows her how open and brave you are for asking deep questions, and it shows that you care how she feels, and it shows her that you're a man who likes to have clear boundaries... by saying "I actually also don't really like being touched... except from my one special woman."

    Most likely she's still super shy and needs time to warm up to your new relationships. And so talking about it will help a LOT. Maybe she's got past trauma she's worried about sharing (many women are assaulted at a young age and it's awful) ... and this just means you'll have to be a good listener without judgements... most victims already blame themselves when they get hurt.

    By giving her a safe honest space, when she's with you, you're guiding her to feel more open to touch.

    I hope this helps,
    ~ Robby

    (My Blog http://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

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    • 2mo

      First of all, I'm a girl, but thank you!

      I try to let her feel comfortable, and I do let her know that I'm open to talk things out... but she just said that she isn't the type to share her feelings a lot, which i think is rather unhealthy. Maybe that will change with time though, as you said, she might have some trauma, or like another person said, she might have been raised without a lot of touch.

      Either way, thanks again :) this helped a lot

    • 1mo

      Ooops, sorry, I should have paid better attention. Clearly that adds dimensions I didn't even think of. Have you gals had an open talk about your sexuality at all... its also very possible she's new to same sex romance? I will add one thing... know your love language, and learn hers. If the way you both need to receive love is very different it's going to be an uphill battle.

      http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

      Good luck! And have fun :D

    • 1mo

      Hey! It's been a while since I posted this question, and since then it seems like she has gotten way more comfortable with me touching her than before. I know for a fact she's new to romance as a whole, which yes, might also explain the hesitation, but as of right now we talked it out a few times, and she just told me to go for it whenever i felt like it. I guess she has in mind that I need that sort of attention.

      Thanks for the help dude!

Most Helpful Girl

  • She could have been raised in a conservative fam and is just not use to physical displays of attention no matter how small/innocent.

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    • 2mo

      that's true! I really like this answer :) Her parents do sound very strict, and it wouldn't be too far fetched to guess that. thank you!

    • 1mo

      Thanks for MHO! Glad to be of help!

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 2

  • maybe she s rejecting the fact that she s lesbo or bi

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  • Maybe she's not into girls

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    • 2mo

      Um... I did say we both have feelings for each other? We talked it out, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have said certain things if she didn't.

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    • 2mo

      Dude... i explicitly said i have romantic feelings for her, and she did too. Like, exactly like this, I went straight to the point. And i think I'm her first anything, honestly

    • 2mo

      Well if you're her first that'd explain her actions. No need to get snappy lady

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