Why do I always have to initiate with girls?

Like at parties I feel like I always have to say hi first to girls. Like they won't come up to me I have to go up to them, what gives?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My male coworkers say they have and never would reject a girl who asked them out even if they weren't attracted to her. This will prevent me from ever doing it because I don't want to invest into a guy who doesn't like me but also doesn't have the balls to say it.

    Girls fear rejection and experience it less than men, so it psychologically affects us differently. We also aren't used to it, so it takes more courage. I have a friend who refuses to even look at a hot guy when she's close to him because of this.

    A lot of the times, guys may expect sex from it, or so we women assume. Other girls also call girls sluts if they're too easy.

    Some girls don't think they're ready for a relationship, so they won't ask little or accept due to this or a recent breakup.

    It's a societal norm. People like to think they can change gender roles, but they can't if it's a societal norm the vast majority is willing to accept.

    Women want to be desired and there's no better way of proving you desire her than telling her you want to take her out on a date (and pay for it lol).

    It's also just as hard for some girls to gauge whether a guy is into her as it is for a guy to gauge whether a girl is into him.

    It's been proven that guys take more risks than women due to higher levels of testosterone.

    There's probably more, but I can't think of it right now.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, even though times are changing, even today men are still expected to make the first move. I mean nowadays women also do it but it's till not very common that this happens. Mostly it is expected of a man to pursue a woman, but it's not women don't do it nowadays, but it's not as common as men though things are changing.

    I do understand may be you are incapable of making the first move, nothing wrong in that, there are many men who lack the capacity to make the first move. Well you can wait for a woman to make the move and it's possible it will happen, but you need lot of luck, so you will have to depend on your luck.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I actually am more likely to strike up a convo with a guy alone than at a party with a ton of people... and the hotter they are, the less likely I will try...

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  • Why do I always have to initiate with girls?
    Likely because you're not attractive enough to get gals to want to initiate.

    Gals generally get approach by many dudes. So many gals don't see a reason to approach a dude... unless he is hot. She already has plenty of average/ugly guys approaching her.

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  • Most girls believe the guy should make the first move. Look for subtle signs she is interested like eye contact and smiling.

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    • 2mo

      Lol if "eye contact and smiling" are the only signs it's impossible to differentiate that from being friendly

  • Get on a sports team or dance classes
    otherwise, you'll get better at this + reputation will
    attract more gals to initiate with you

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  • Maybe because the girls don't want you so you gotta do some work to get them not the other way around. Just trying to be honest here.

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    • 2mo

      That could be do most girls pursue guys tho?

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    • 2mo

      @anonman32 then give a women time to show she's being honest with you.

    • 2mo

      @openthedoors i know they are not being honest with me.

  • You must always be choosing shy girls.

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  • Because most girls say guys have to make the first move otherwise they're not real men. Then they cry when someone says something sexist to them back

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  • You don't have to.
    No one is making you.
    If they won't come up to you then it's because they don't want to.
    Get over it.

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  • Most girls are taught that if a guy is interested in us they will initiate. It's tradition I think.

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  • That's the way it is. Unless you're really hot, most girls aren't gonna approach you

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  • Because girls don't like wimps

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  • That's the only way that they will know if a guy is interested or not.

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What Guys Said 14

  • I've thought about this too, but it's happened a few times, just not very often. I've wondered if one of the reasons is that a lot of guys approach or say things to women without really thinking about it, maybe they make women feel like all guys are like that, or that they get too much attention to bother approaching dudes.

    It seems like a character flaw to not talk to people you think are interesting, so in a way it seems like a problem, but the other thing is it probably just takes the average girl a lot more to be interested in a guy than the other way around. I know for me it takes a lot for me to be interested in a girl but that's not typical.

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  • A girl who initiates is quickly labeled *** by other girls.

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  • i dont know man, i never really gave it some thought. at a social event i just casually talk to some people that seem cool to me and people do the same to me. even girls just come up to me and talk to me.

    this notion that women never approach anyone is just bullshit. and besides you dont HAVE to hit on them, you can just go talk to them casually.

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  • This is just a fact of life: unless you have male model looks you're not going to have girls cold approach you, except occasionally the really desperate ones. Of course if girls don't even warm approach you you might have a problem.

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  • Outdated cultural gender roles sadly. I feel your pain. But put it this way. It gives you the power to decide who you want to interact with.

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  • If you're attractive girls will come to you, but not always the ones you want... If you want something, go and get it...

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  • You're a guy. Please refer to page 2 of the job description.

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    • 2mo

      What's on page 1?

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    • 2mo

      @john52461

      I'm not a particularly good looking guy, but for some reason I've always done pretty well with women. I turned down a fair number mostly when I was younger. Now not so much.

    • 2mo

      same here but for some reason I've been exceptionally lucky I don't know why, despite all the bad things I just consider myself very lucky in that regard

  • Welcome to gynocentrism!

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  • Lol you got to dude women will come up if they think your attractive tho, but they says want you to talk first

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  • Why should they come to you? Are you the center of gravity?

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  • Cause you're ugly.

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  • It's traditional.

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    • 2mo

      Even if not attracted?

    • 2mo

      Y the hell u will initiate wth one from u u aren't attracted?

  • Maybe you are not approachable.

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  • because girls only like gender roles when it suits their needs..

    **womens logic** "gender roles are great when we dont have to go to war or when men have to make the first move

    "gender roles are bad when we have to actually carry our own weight"

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