Girl told me "I'll have to get back to you on it." when asked to get coffee with her. Should I follow up?

Wanted to see if she wants to grab coffee, so I can sit and talk with her for a bit. Convo went like this

Me- "Hey, are you free anytime soon? I would like to grab coffee and chat"

Her- "Hey! I'll have to get back to you on it. Taking 7 classes this semester on top of working the two jobs and getting stuck babysitting this weekend has been filling up my schedule."

Me - "No worries. I just figured that we should meet up soon"

Her - "Definitely!"

I guess what I really am asking is if I should follow up with something like (on the off chance that she is genuinely busy, and couldn't figure an opening)

"Hey, did you have a chance to figure out when you might be free?"

Or

"Hey, I'm free tomorrow if you want to meet up for a bit?"


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Most Helpful Girl

  • No you shouldn't follow up now.
    This is what I do when I'm not interested in a guy and letting him down.
    There's no freaking way she cannot make 30mins-1hour coffee time to see you when she likes you wants to get to know you more.
    I was in the exact same situation with this guy, I told him I was too occupied that I couldn't really see him. In the beginning simply I wasn't interested in him so I didn't bother making time for him. But then he would constantly keep asking when I would be available and that just turned me off. I told him blunt out that I couldn't do it.

    If she was interested, she would have asked 'when' do you want to meet her. Or suggested you 'when' she's available.
    She mentioned her 7 classes this semester. (not this week, this semester. She trying to imply that she will be freaking occupied this whole semester studying not only this week.) working two jobs. and babysitting this weekend.

    To me it sounds like she's not that interested. If she's interested she would have said I'm too busy this week so next week would be better.
    But everyone's different. She could be simply too busy this week and just want you to ask her again next week.
    Ask her LATER THIS WEEK again not now.
    and use "Hey, did you have a chance to figure out when you might be free?" NOT "Hey, I'm free tomorrow if you want to meet up for a bit?".
    bc she most likely gonna say she won't be free tomorrow bc she already told you that she'll be busy.
    If she wants to see you, she will let you know when she will be free. If she still doesn't know, still be busy, she's not interested.

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    • 1mo

      True. Though I guess as with any situation, there can be the slim chance of it being legit, and being busy as hell. But yea, If I say anything, it probably won't be until this weekend at earliest.

Most Helpful Guy

  • She's blowing you off.

    After her response to your first message, you should have simply said:

    "That's a shame, well get in touch with me when your schedule frees up!"

    and left it at that.

    But objectively speaking, she's not interested.

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    • 1mo

      Probably true. But in this case I wasn't trying to get her on a date or anything. But more so just to hang out for a bit as friends and talk.

      Lets say I run into her at random, what could I do? Just a simple "Hey" or something.

    • 1mo

      There is no "probability" here. I know from experience that a woman who doesn't accept or, at the very least, offer a counter-offer, is blowing you off.

      There's no shame to be felt, this has happened to loads of guys before us, you just need to move on.

    • 1mo

      I am not sure just how much the typical rule applies here.

      She always acted differently towards me. Nothing like how she acts with her friends or with strangers.

      Kinda like she would start to get a little comfortable, but for some reason closes up
      Would stare at me from a distance (Happened quite a few times)
      And she very eagerly gave her number when I asked.
      BUT never messaged me first. I always made contact.
      When I did get her talking, we could go for hours, with her sending decent length replies. (3-5+ lines)

What Girls Said 6

  • Let it Go, Joe.
    If she is Free, she will Text or Talk to you and let you Know It's... Good to Go.
    Even though her Busy Beaver 'Schedule' is Booked to the Hilt, if she is Into going for Joe, she will Definitely let you Know.
    Good luck. xx

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    • 1mo

      I suppose that I should just wait and see.

      But our paths do cross regularly, so what should I say, assuming I see her randomly?

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    • 1mo

      True. Time to just wait, and hope. If nothing happens with this message, just remain around as a friend?

    • 1mo

      Yes, for sure, your best bet then, so you can move on to someone who may be better for you instead. xx

  • No do not follow up, the ball is now in her court. Truthfully she doesn't sound super interested or she would make plans as soon as she could, I would time to go on a date w/someone I liked. I wouldn't expect anything.

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    • 1mo

      Yea, more or less what I decided to do. And if I run into her in person, I'll probably just be friendly and not mention the attempt. Unless she alludes to it I guess?

    • 1mo

      Don't mention it at all, just act as though nothing happened, unless she initiates a date.

  • As a girl, I know this translates to I'm not interested but I don't want to hurt your feelings. I've used this one before, but stopped because guys were confused

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    • 1mo

      But did you typically give specific reasons? or leave it vague like most do?

    • 1mo

      Yes, I said I was working a lot. And honestly I regret it because the guy legitimately thought he had a chance. Now I make sure to say I'm not interested so there's no confusion.

  • I think I would wait. She knows you are interested so if she has free time she will ask you.

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    • 1mo

      How long should I wait before checking in? (Obviously assuming she doesn't get back to me)

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    • 1mo

      What I said before. You definitely don't text and ask her again haha. In person its ok to ask her a second time if u must but tbh there's no need because you've already asked her.

    • 1mo

      Just curiosity, what do you make of this bit?

      She always acted differently towards me. Nothing like how she acts with her friends or with strangers.

      Kinda like she would start to get a little comfortable, but for some reason closes up
      Would stare at me from a distance (Happened quite a few times)
      And she very eagerly gave her number when I asked.
      BUT never messaged me first. I always made contact.
      When I did get her talking, we could go for hours, with her sending decent length replies. (3-5+ lines)

  • No. Either she's blowing you off the way girls do or she's legit busy and you probably shouldn't bother her.

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    • 1mo

      I do know that she is genuinely busy (With at least the classes and work. The Babysitting is probable as well) but who knows if she's also using it as a way out as well.

    • 1mo

      Well either way I wouldn't follow up.

  • Yh its kl to follow up

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What Guys Said 1

  • Hard to tell. Was this convo in person, or via text? Without hearing the voice inflections or enthusiasm it's hard to gauge, however at face value I would say she's blowing you off. That's the nice way girls try to disengage and shake off interest.

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    • 1mo

      True. In person would be easier to tell.

      I did manage to meet up with her once. Though she was busy that weekend. But when she said that, it sounded like she was somewhat excited to do something together

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