He confessed to still having caring feelings for my friend who doesn't like him back. But?

My boyfriend brought up our mutual friend today a few times and i got the urge to ask him if he still had feelings or wanted her. I asked him straight up and told him i dont want to waste my time. He was like "is that what you think?" And then he did say he cared for her but liked me and wanted to be with me. He told me he chased after her for 2 years but she shot him down. He told me he was done chasing her and that his feelings for her settled down when he met me. I felt a bit shocked. Your thoughts?


Most Helpful Guy

  • In my point of view, there’s no reason to be shocked. Granted, he may still have linger feelings for this other girl; your friend, but he’s trying to move past those feelings and settle his focus on you, which is what he’s supposed to be doing.

    He’s attempting, going off what you posted, to reassure you that he’s no longer chasing her, and those feeling she had began to dissipate after he met you. You should encourage the continued behavior, and be appreciative that he’s honest and forthcoming with you regarding his feelings and opinions.

    I would advice not to begin stressing over this or over thinking the issue. You asked him a question, he answered it, and then went above and beyond in his attempt to give you peace of mine by admitting that he did chase after the other girl for 2-years, but as you say she shot him down. He is now moving on and paying attention to you.

    Don’t sabotage that by playing the “white-if” game in your mind regarding his past affiliation with your mutual friend. You and him are the ones who are part of this relationship. Now and going into the future, keep your attention on that goal and continue to bond with him and help him to also continue moving past any linger feelings still. Show him you’re the right girl he should be with, because you are interested in him and not shooting him down as the other did. That’s my bottom line.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I'd be mad if I were you too. I don't know if I would continue the relationship to be honest.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Shocked because? Sounds like he's trying to move on and no need at this point to question his feelings for you. You could also ask him what he might do if she all of the sudden wanted him and you two were going out? I don't know your friend obviously but she might "miss" the attention she was getting from him and want it back? (some women do). Maybe as he's got to know you more his feelings for you are stronger? One thing is clear to me, he's done with her and ready to try with you. So, go in somewhat guarded, keep your eyes/ears open especially when it comes to this "friend" but also don't let this stand in the way of possibly something great for you, you never know. Don't make assumptions or let your thoughts/insecurities get the best of you.

  • Give him a chance and trust him. But if he wavers, leave him. You were
    right to confront him about it.


What Girls Said 0

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