Is sex on the 4th date too soon if I'm not looking for casual sex?

I've gone out with him on 3 dates, 3rd date slept with him but no sex. I plan to ask him what he's looking for on the next date, if he's looking for something long term then I may agree to have sex. But regardless, I'm sure he already expects to have sex with me on the next date. He and I have got to know a lot about each other and we'd spend lots of hours on a date (dinner, hangout), so for me it's not like he's all about sex with me. Did I make myself look like I just wanted to hook up by sleeping with him on the 3rd date? I dont want to be misunderstood that way, i did it because i liked him. What should I do now in the case he already views me as someone who just wants to hook up? And in the case he's looking for something long-term as well, would sex on the 4th date be too soon?


Most Helpful Guy

  • so if I were on a date with intention of getting a relationship with such person and we had sex on the first date, it wouldn't bother me at all. I dunno but somehow many people thinks that having a sex on the first date is a red flag or something along this lines which I find to false at least in my case.

    Also remember that there are many relationships which came from One Night Stands etc. At the end it's mostly up to the both parties how they communicate, look at each other or have their views about sex. Everyone is different tho.

    • I agree with you, I am like that, but I don't know the general view on it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't assume a guy's true intention just because he be sweet and nice and wine dine you. Even players will Play it until they have you. He could be nice to you simply to get into your pants. I read so many stories about how a guy suddenly changes/ignores after sex, a guy asks a girl to be exclusive and so she let him have her and he leaves. dinner and hangout don't mean anything. He could still look for just sex. It's only been 3 dates any guy would be willing to play nice for that short amount time.
    So you ask him next time what he looking for, and he says he wants a long term relationship, you still might want to hold it until you are comfortable with him. (Bc you sound like you not up for sex if he doesn't want a relationship with you. which is totally fine. he could be playing you so you want to wait till he's willing to commit to you and you could feel/see that he really cares for you)

    I slept with my guy on our second hang out. We haven't even had a nice dinner date. We almost had sex on our first so I knew it happening on our second. I slept with him because the chemistry was great we're very attracted to eachother. And I knew he's not a player who would just test drive me and disappear. I know he respects me and doesn't consider me less. And we had a convo about it. he said he likes me very much and that he understands how people stereotyping sex on the first date but it doesn't matter to him. The point is, a player could say the same thing to fool you. However I just knew he's not bullshittjng me and I knew he's not that kind of guy. I trusted him and I trusted my gut. So don't listen to what a guy has to tell you or nice/expensive dinners and stuffs. See how he's treating you, the vibe you getting from him.
    After our first date people told me my guy is a player I should stay away from him, he's only up for sex, but I believed him and he's taking me out to dinner, finally a date lol for our third date this weekend.
    So to answer your question, as long as you feel right about eachother, even sex on the first date is not too soon. If a guy really likes you cares for you, when you two have sex doesn't matter at all. And if he judges you by that you don't want to be with that guy anyways. Also I don't want you to feel used or anything even a guy leaves you after sex. just consider it that you both were enjoying eachother that moment,, just not compatible enough to keep it going

    • Thank you for your response, I learned something from it. Hope you'll have a great time on your 3rd date :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • There are no rules to this. You do it when you feel the most comfortable with it.

    Either way... are you using sex as a barganing chip?

    • what do you mean by bargaining chip? (sorry I'm not native)

    • Show All
    • I won't have sex if he's not on the same page as me. Because often times, after sex, I'll grow a lot of feelings for that person and it'll be bad for me if he doesn't feel the same. Just that, I'm not using it to make him date me or anything.

    • Oh ok, then you're all fine in my opinion.

  • That's up to you to decide.


What Girls Said 2

  • Well its not going to matter if you already slept in the same bed with him naked if you did that. And if you had other forms of sex, its still the same. Your actions speak louder than your words. Its not like your saving yourself for marriage, so its your choice. That question should have been raised on the 2nd date or the 3rd date at the most before that even happened. You shouldn't have gone to his house and stayed over. You should have slept on the couch or he volunteered to the couch or spare room, or whatever he had. Mainly no where where it would have became sexual.

    But your actions spoke louder than your words. So either you want to or you don't. But remember that he will see you as an easy lay if he doesn't feel the same way about you. Its very clear that he wants sex also, if he allowed you to sleep in the same bed as him like that. Cuddling is one thing, but if your not careful it could lead to another. So if this is not what you want now, speak up. If you don't care, then still ask, but its not going to change what already happened. However that also means that your risking for this relationship to fail and be all about sex when you don't even know him. This doesn't sound like it will lead to long term.

  • If you are scared that he might run of after you've had sex with him, don't do it on the forth date. Make him wait for it for a while, if he is willing to wait then at least you know then that he wants more than just sex. Also if you ask him what he is expecting to happen on the next date, obviously he'll say he wants something long term, some guys would say whatever it is they think you need to hear in order to get in your pants.