Group "date" with his friends... is he being casual or just looking to be friends?

I posted another question about a coworker that I got drinks with who canceled our second "date" and didn't reschedule. Most of you said he was blowing me off which is what I also thought so decided to leave him alone at work for the next week. On Friday, he makes a point to come over andwas asking about my weekend and talking about his week so it made me think that maybe he wasn't completely uninterested?

Another week goes by to today and the same thing happens with minimal contact during the week that leaves me confused. My friend found out about him that he used to be really heavy and lost all the weight so because of that he's never had a girlfriend (he's 27) so she thinks that maybe he's either clueless, or maybe shy and insecure when it comes to dating and that maybe I should try asking him out and see if that changes anything.

So this is how the convo went:

Me: Hey! Did you already take off for the day?
Him: Yah sorry, had a meeting to go to. Whats up?
Me: Oh no big deal I stopped over to say hi looked like you had already taken off
Him: Ohh my bad, I was trying to finish like 8 proposals today for meetings it never ends haha
Me: Not your fault lol I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to do anything this weekend? I figuredId catch you before I left today since I wasn't sure If i'll be working from home tomorrow
Him: Ah I'd love to but I have 6 buddies from college coming up for the weekend and staying at my place. Will you be out Saturday? We can all try and meet up if you're with some friends as well.
Me: Okay no problem! My sister is coming up Saturday so ill just be free Sunday. I don't want to interrupt your weekend with your friends sounds like a lot of fun though.
Him: Haha yeah they kinda invited themselves but it should be fun. They plan to be out by Sunday morning so ill definitely let you know.
Me: No honestly if you're busy its no big deal! (And then we texted for another half an hour or so)

What do you think? Am I giving him too much credit?


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What Guys Said 1

  • no your giving just the right amount of credit and it seems like things are going good so far.

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    • 1mo

      Thanks! Do you thinks he's still interested in me though? He seems to have switched the dynamic to very casual since our first date which was more planned and date-like. And he only invited me along if I had people there too rather than just myself?

    • 1mo

      well if he is new to the dating scene r has never had a girl freind he is probably going by some book he read where he does not come across as over excited about you liking him with how some girls get turned off by that excited boyish charm. lol

What Girls Said 1

  • I really think you did a great job with this! Slow clap for you!!! I like how nonchalant you asked him out like it wasn't a big deal. He said he had friends in town but y'all could meet up as a group. I think the right choice was to say no to going out in a group... drinking, flirting and bars never ends up a good combo. Did you see how he tried to include you though? He could have just said I have friends coming into town.
    I like that you offered up Sunday after declining. The oneeeeeeeee tiny thing I would say is, I wouldn't have said the last line to what he texted you.

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    • 1mo

      Thank you! I just can't tell if he's treating me more like a friend than someone he likes? Our first date was almost a month ago and we really haven't texted much since then I'm concerned maybe he's just kinda interested in a casual, friend thing now? He hasn't asked me on a second date yet really unless this counts?

    • 1mo

      Maybe he hasn't decided either? :) ...
      I have one really important thing I would like to point out to you. This is a red flag. And I'm telling you from personal experience. The last text he sent you, "they PLAN on leaving... I'll definitely let you know". What he actually said to you was, "I will let you know if I don't make any other better plans and decide last minute I want to hangout with you". The way you responded (I understand you were trying to be accommodating) to that message reinforced the behavior he demonstrated. He now has an understanding that he only has to make minimal effort to see you and he will get the same results. I totally get it! You like him, of course you want to give him as many options as possible to see you!!! In this circumstance it's best to mimic him. He takes on efoot forward or one step back so should you. Women tend to see one foot forward and take two ;) (guilty as charged!!).
      i am ruining out of text.. new message 😬

    • 1mo

      When he said "I'll let you know." that was his step back. A response you could have given would be "that's alright. I'm going to go ahead and make plans then. Why don't we plan on something next week" . This lets him know; dude! That was not cool! Secondly it puts the ball back in his court. If he's interested in you he will now say, wait a minute and set up a time. If he's not... well then he won't and one you know that he's not interested and most importantly that you dodge a bullet ;)

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