What do you think is the most pointless dating advice you hear?

The one I've always heard the most, and I am SO sick of hearing is the notion that "If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend, just talk to guys/girls." There is a LITTLE more to it than JUST talking to someone. That's like me saying "If you want to get an "A" on your essay, just type on the computer" or "If you want to hit a Home Run, just swing the bat." It's pointless nonsense.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • "Just be yourself".

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    • 1mo

      Do you think that's bad advice? Would you rather be pretentious and act like something your not? Lol

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    • 1mo

      If the people don't like you for who you are, then its them that aren't worth the time or effort.

    • 1mo

      Asker: thanks for MHO

Most Helpful Guy

  • "There's plenty of fish in the sea." Like we don't already know that! I'd rather people say "There's plenty of fish in the sea who like you back" than that

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What Girls Said 38

  • When people say to me, "When you're not looking for it, the right person will find you." Like WTF Susan, you met your husband at a night club because you tried to take your bra off to single ladies dancing on the bar and fell on him. That ain't "not looking" and him "finding you". Thats "When your falling from the sky the right person will break your fall" and guess what? That advice is bull shit too.

    Whose supposed to find us when we are ALL not suppose to be looking? And whose are we supposed to land on if we are ALL falling? Hmmmmmm? Riddle me the fuck that Susan!

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    • 1mo

      Susan sounds like a character. I like Susan.

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    • 1mo

      This is amazing! :D

    • 1mo

      @freeeckles Yeah, the Reductress writing style is right up yr alley -- I mean, this post reminded me of it cold, so, yeah.

      Coincidentally, there's a pretty recent post on there that's related to the head topic of this thread:
      reductress.com/.../

  • The most pointless advice is any kind of advice that guarantees you'll succeed if you utilize it perfectly. That you'll land any girl/guy you want with this magical method, because, y'know- there aren't hundreds of variables that make every single situation completely different.
    media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26smw5PP11qchbhl.gif

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    • 1mo

      YES! I know these dating "coaches" have this notion that if a guy "spits game" to a girl, he can get any girl. It's such nonsense.

    • 1mo

      "dating coaches hate him, find out his secret and..."

  • When people tell guys, "Just be yourself!" or "You'll find the right guy someday, don't ever change!"

    No. Workout, eat right, join a. club or hobby, get your shit together. Be the best person you can be. This applies to women too. Don't sit back and wait for things to happen. You should be proactive not reactive.

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    • 1mo

      Well...
      More generally, yr goal in life should be to reach a point where all that stuff you wrote in the second paragraph **IS** "just being yourself".

      If you do anything like that just for the sake of some external goal, then, everything will tend to fall back apart again pretty quickly.
      It's well known in human psychology that, in the long term, "willpower" doesn't exist, and neither does external motivation.
      In the long run, the ONLY things that keep people on track are fundamental personality traits, aspects of character, and core values.

      In other words -- If you are doing life right, then, yr lifestyle and habits when you're single and interested in attracting mates should be EXACTLY the same as they would be otherwise.

  • "It will happen when you least expect it"
    so annoying

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    • 1mo

      My dear friend was trying to console me with this when I was going through a tough time earlier this year. At the moment, it made sense, but as time goes on, you realize you have to make an effort for things to happen. Ja ja

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    • 1mo

      Expect what?

    • 1mo

      @bloodmountain1990 well that I will meet someone I can see spending my lifetime with

  • Definetly any of the advice for women that involves playing hard to get. Like 'wait 3 days to respond to his text' or 'dont agree to a date the first time he asks'.
    Any self respecting guy is gonna assume you are not interested and move on.

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    • 1mo

      Great observation! Terms like "creepy" and "stalker" are among those men try to avoid. Also, if a woman really doesn't want to date you, she'll typically try to let you down easy the first time, but the next time she might not feel obliged to be so nice. I've been converted from "confident" to "roadkill" thinking the second time might be a charm.

    • 1mo

      @brain5000 The words women use to classify men that don't deem attractive enough or worth y of their attention. Typical assholeish behavior, twats would do good to recognize simple gestures of courtesy and a simple Not intrested would suffice. When women get the same treatment from having their affections rejected, watch out, a mini WW3 might be in the making...

  • "Don't be picky."

    I mean I'm not coming out with a laundry list of expectations but I'm not so desperate as to overlook shit. It's about finding a GOOD partner, not just A partner.

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    • 1mo

      Agreed. There's no such thing as a perfect person but I won't settle just for anyone just for the sake of being in a relationship.

      There has to be a mix of physical attraction, things in common and personality. Can't be completely lacking in one of those.

  • The whole "if a guy is mean to you, he likes you" BS

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    • 1mo

      If a guy flirts with you and teases you then yeah he's more than likely into you. But if a guys mean to you then he doesn't like you, hate is hate.

    • 1mo

      @Shorty1991 there is a clear difference between playful flirting and actually being mean.

    • 1mo

      Yes I know I'm agreeing with you I just worded it a bit differently.

  • To get over one person by dating a new person... It doesn't help you—it just compresses the problem, strokes your ego, and hurts the rebound...

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  • The Best from the Rest No 'Pointless dating advice' I give Here, Dear... Go Slow with Joe, Nurse and Nurture Something that Could be Special, and Use Baby Steps to Continue.
    It may Be the Same with my Name, but it has Always been my Motto and I will Never Deter from it. Not as Long as I Continue to go Strong on Gag.
    And Yes, 'If you want a girlfriend/boyfriend, just talk to guys/girl,' which is a Huge Important factor to Let someone Know that you are Ready and Raring to Date. Open Lines of Convo is also Very Important when Dating and Mating.
    Good luck and Great question. @EngliishArtTeacher xx

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  • He's only mean to you because he likes you. Seriously?

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  • It's actually not. You swing the bat enough you'll hit a home run. You type enough essays you'll get an A.
    Here's another analogy you may actually get. You throw enough sh*t at the wall, some of it will stick. Get it?

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    • 1mo

      You're confusing quantity with quality. I know some quiet people who are popular, and some talkative people who are outcasts.

      If someone talks quite often, but rarely has anything friendly, nice, interesting, or exciting to say, I don't see how this would help you in the dating scene.

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    • 1mo

      And those people don't have to be your problem. Sooner or later the people to flock to what you describe will be available again and smarter as to what to look for, making way for the other guys.

    • 1mo

      @Sarahssummer Well put... as usual.

      Regarding the original post -- Do remember that advice is normally aimed **at people who aren't currently doing** whatever the advice says.
      If someone simply isn't putting herself/himself out there socially at all -- and is expecting the perfect partner to just come along on their daily commute, or something -- then, no matter how much she/he might have to offer, that's long odds.

  • Playing hard to get. It makes no fucking sense.

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  • When I was single, my mom got me to go to events by telling me that "you will miss meeting some nice guys if you don't go". At 1st I would go excitedly, then I be be extremely disappointed when there weren't even any young people there. I met my ex at work and the current guy I'm dating online. Such bad advice because this just made me more frustrated.

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  • I hate when people who know about my anxiety tell me: "Don't let your anxiety control your life." when I have panic attack.

    I have never let it control my life. I've had it since I was about 12 or so and I've dealt with it since then. The people who say this to me don't know about my life or my anxiety. I've gotten quite far in life on my own. I never ask for help or anything. Every single thing I have in my life I earned on my own. I moved an hour away from my family to grow as my own person.

    One of the guys who once told me this isn't as far in life as me. I've accomplished more in life than he has. So it's irritating to hear. Not once since I was about 12 have I let it take over, so it's useless advice. Whenever I tell them to shut the fuck up, they get pissed off, say I am getting defensive and giving them attitude when they are just trying to help. Well guess what? You aren't helping. I know not to let it take over my life. I don't need stupid advice like that.

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  • Order a salad on the first date

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  • The idea is that by talking to more people, you will find one you like (and who maybe likes you back) rather than just asking any random person to be your boy/girlfriend. You want to have a connection with the person and that can't be forced.

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    • 1mo

      "The idea is that by talking to more people, you will find one you like (and who maybe likes you back)"

      Yes, and this is the most obvious statements in the world of obviousness. Anyone over the age of twelve knows this.

      That's like me saying "When you get hungry, eat", or "When you feel tired, go to sleep." What is the point of even mentioning this?

    • 1mo

      You'd be surprised how many people don't seem to know it though.

  • The dumbest advice I was given was to never stay single. Don't break up with a guy until you found another guy who wants you (unless of course he abuses/cheated on you). My aunt told me this because she said that it increases the value of your relationships

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  • Yeah... I know what you mean. I guess the most pointless advice that I ever see people giving is the "judge based on looks." Like that's not valid in any way shape or form. I mean, yes, there's the common sense oh oh hey, I'm not going to go and date some 50 year old if I'm only 25.

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  • "There's always a hope"

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  • People always tell me I go for guys that aren't as interested in me but I let the guys who are obsessed with me go.. which duh. I'm perfectly aware of who I'm dating thank you very much.

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  • "more fish in the sea"' is my least favorite dating advice lol

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  • Got this advice from my friend yesterday.
    "You shouldn't worry about going after your crush because in the future you'll just look back and you'll be distracted because you never asked and you'll find someone later"
    So... I should never ever try to talk to my crushes, because there's a chance it may go wrong? 😅
    I don't care if it doesn't go as I planned, you'll never know unless you try it.

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  • I'm curious what are you looking for? A line by line dialogue for you to follow?

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    • 1mo

      Many men need this. The Devils in the details and that's what seperates the players from the frustrated. It's why most pick up material focus on "what to say"

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    • 1mo

      @MisterMisoGynist dude I have nothing against women. I just state objective facts.

    • 1mo

      @Scrambledagain In my experiences with guys, few things have mattered LESS than the actual words they've said.
      As long as they haven't been particularly crude, insensitive, or offensive -- and as long as they've actually been ENGAGED in the conversation -- tbh their specific words have basically been pretty much irrelevant.

      Being particularly funny or witty can score you bonus points -- but, (1) guys have to keep in mind that "funny" and "witty" don't typically mean the same things to women that they mean to men, and (2) there's a time and a place for this stuff, and it's easy to overdo.

      Believe me, it's painfully obvious when some dude is trying to spit scripted "game" that he memorized somewhere. Spontaneity can't be faked.
      If a girl is sufficiently drunk, THEN I could maybe imagine she might not pick up as much on the fact that a dude is following a "script".

      As for "pick-up materials" (lol)... Do remember that books have to contain... things that can be printed in books.

  • Put yourself out there

    What?

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    • 1mo

      I put this in the same category of "just talking" to people.

      I could go out to a festival, and throw myself at women, and that means nothing. If anything, that would probably make me a "creep" in their eyes.

    • 1mo

      I think people mistake quantity as quality.

      Just because you can talk, and throw yourself at several people, doesn't mean you're an appealing person by any means. On the other hand, if you're selective, and skilled, you have a better chance.

  • "Just tell him you like him!"

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  • Well in specific cases it's good advice. A friend of mine has been in love with a guy for a year and she hasn't even talked to him. How is he supposed to know she exists?

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  • That will be... 'Give the child a chance; you will develop feelings'... I mean it either I like you or I don't... And if I don't; then do not force me to be with someone just because they are good and will be good to me...

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  • "If you want to be happy just lower your standards." I do have some standards but they're not unreasonable and it's really stupid to assume that I'd be happy if I went for something that I don't like. I mean come on.

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    • 1mo

      And the thing that kills me about this, is people assume your standards are automatically high. Some people have very low standards, and STILL struggle in the dating world.

  • The whole act like a bad boy thing that some men seem to believe in. Lmao either you are one or you aren't. And even a bad boy can treat his woman right.

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  • *dump him*

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What Guys Said 43

  • As a man, we're often told: "Don't call/text her for a couple of days after the date, no matter how well it goes."

    Such bullshit.

    I've asked for a second date within an hour of the first date ending several times. And for the most part, those were my best dating experiences/relationships.

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    • 1mo

      Yeah I agree that's shite advice. She would end up thinking that you had just lost interest in her.

    • 1mo

      @Shorty1991 Exaclty.

      And another thing: even if it comes across as too forward or something, so what? I'mma do me, she's gonna do her, and we'll see if those two things go together well or not.

  • The most pointless advise I hear these days is be a good guy and women will want to be your girlfriend. I really can't understand why women are not attracted to good caring loyal nice guys. Women by nature to me are mentally ill to not find those quality's attractive.

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    • 1mo

      When will men stop complaining about women 'not liking nice guys'? We do. Everyone does. We just don't like a wuss with 0 confidence that stays at home, follows the rules and doesn't spice up relationships with a little spontaniality. No cliche romance, men who put thought in their plans with their girl.

      Generally, 'bad boys' have these qualities. They keep the relationship spicy and fun.

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    • 1mo

      @bente2 you women are mentally retarded. So treating a women well means your a pushover or bore. Yeah and I suppose a pyscopathic bad boy/ thug who's violent and tall jacked douchbags who treat women like garbage are so much fun to be around rather than a great caring funny loyal nice guy who only wants to take care of you and make you feel special. How can a woman not want to be treated than way? it's insane! Women are irrational and are not capable of choosing partners becuase womens brains are not logical reasons why women shouldn't make decision or control in any aspect whether it's dating or even in workforce.

    • 1mo

      You obviously didn't read my response thoroughly. I suggest you do, I never said a violent boy is someone you should date. That's stupid, and so is your response. R E A D

  • "Just be yourself"

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    • 1mo

      This is in my top five for WORST dating advices.

      Obviously, if you have severe flaws, being "yourself" is a terrible idea.

    • 1mo

      Well my gripe with it is that you are a different person in various situations. The person you are when you're studying shouldn't be the same person you are when you're trying to 'woo' a woman.
      Or you're a different person when in a fighting ring than you are in a date (or I hope so.)

  • "Just get out there and you'll meet women!"
    •What if the activities I engage in are heavily male dominated?
    •What if the type of places I go to hang out at are not the type you eat to try and find a woman to date at?

    Everything assumes you already have the perfect social connections.

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  • the internet is a pretty weird place aometimes , the you will find her when you're not looking did actually work for me though but not as good as for other guys iam never in the right place at the right time i usually attract lots of girls but they end up being taken, i would say that looks are a big part of it which very few people on here admit and luck just sheer old luck is what gets you the guy/girls i have heard over and over again in real life and experienced it forst hand gotta be lucky cause even with my good looks and interesting personality getting girls is not easy

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  • Worst advice ever? "You shouldn't feel that way."

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  • "There's someone out there for everyone."

    There really isn't.

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  • I don't really ask for much advice but I mainly always hear the, "Just be yourself." bit. Like no way man, when I'm alone, I am pretty fucking weird.

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  • "There is someone for everyone out there."

    Nope, there clearly isn't.

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  • I never thought of that, because i never got any tips. My brother had 3 different girlfriends in one year back then, so maybe i took his relationship fails as tips! Damn that's deep. I would say: be a friend first, listen to her and help her, at the same time open up a little bit and trade facts about each other.

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  • girls don't want sex
    I remember hearing that a lot when i was young
    COMPLETE LIE LOL

    THEY WANT THE DICK JUST AS MUCH AS WE WANT THE BOOTY LOL

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    • 1mo

      Eh, this isn't true. Girls want sex, but not near as often, or much as we do, ESPECIALLY in our age range. Why do you think female porn stars, female prostitutes, and the entire sexualization industry is geared towards horny men? Why can girls go on any site, and get endless messages from guys?

      Clearly, girls don't want sex as much as guys. Even when they hit their sexual prime in their 30's, they still don't want it as much as we do.

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    • 1mo

      Yes, I do know what I'm talking about. It's BIOLOGY. The girls on X-Videos are doing it for money, and I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind doing it for free.

      If a woman wants sex, all she has to do is ask for it. A guy usually has to pay for it. If you didn't know this, you're living under a rock.

    • 1mo

      went to a get together a little while a ago
      i rejected a few girls and left the place
      so yes girls can be rejected

      it's just less

  • I don't hear any cause I don't ask for any 😜

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  • Stop looking/trying and it will happen (no, as a guy that means you'll die alone), or "there's 7 billion people, so there's someone for everyone" (sure, I'll just start asking out 5 million women per day...)

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  • "You'll find someone!"

    It is so bad, it was my first myTake! Super insulting, super depressing, super demeaning... it's got everything!

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a22974-why-you-ll-find-someone-is-a-terrible-hurtful-thing-to-say-to

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  • The advice you find when you Google "how to tell if a girl likes you" is probably the worst advice I had ever seen. Not sure what I expected (I was 13/14 when I did this) but it basically said they could if they touch their hair and if they don't then they could as well.

    Thanks internet. Helpful as always.

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  • By far the stupidest and most annoying is when people say to those who never had a bf/gf bullshit like "aww you are young, it will happen, dont worry". And everybody says that bullshit. And when you find people over 35 who have been single their whole life, then those same people write "what have you been waiting for?"

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  • Everything will work out in the end if you're patient. Fuck no it doesn't unless you're carpeing the diem

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  • It's not pointless nonsense. Pushing a key on your keyboard or swinging your bat are crucial first steps in producing that essay or hitting that home run.

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  • Those are good analogies actually so if you want to get better at picking up girls... swing the bat some more.

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  • People say be charming: what they dont say how exactly

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  • Just be yourself.

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    • 1mo

      I also forgot just talk to her, or tell her your intentions and also, go for the quiet studies girls.

    • 1mo

      studious*

  • "Just be yourself. Don't change just to get a larger dating pool. One day you'll find a girl who loves you just the way you are."

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  • 'be yourself'

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  • "always wait 2 days till You contact her again." That's some bullshit.

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    • 1mo

      "Don't text back immediately" if someone doesn't respond fast enough i'll dump them. That's annoying.

    • 1mo

      That's actually smart, if you text back all the time it's pretty annoying

    • 1mo

      @4Elements i´m not saying you should bombard her with texts 24/7. but waiting 2 days if you feel like talking to her is equally stupid.

  • "treat a girl like a princess" or anything similar. It's just general dehumanization.

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  • "No means no" Pffft...

    Seriously, the wait 3 days to text and all that "mind games" bullshit. Whoever invented that should be smacked.

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  • Most pointless advice I've heard is that when women tell you., "Aww, you're sweet." that you're friend zoned. Only you can put yourself in the friend zone.

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  • people telling you to break up.

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  • I know, right? For me, the major question is HOW to approach and talk to them. I can't "just do it"!

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  • Try Match. com or E-Harmony that is the worst advice anyone can give me.

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