What is considered being too picky in the dating world?

I've been going on a few dates and there are a couple guys now that I have met and went on dates with (we are NOT in a relationship, I met them for the first time recently). On the date when I met them, I just don't feel like they are right for me.

The first guy seemed fine when I was talking online to him. But when we went on the date, he smelled. I didn't know what it was at first. But then he told me that he smelled and it was his sweater that he wore to work on a farm. That really turned me off. And he just seemed to be bitter about everything.

Then the next guy seemed nice online. But he showed up to the date in clothes that were 3 sizes too small. And he had food around his mouth as well. It grossed me out and completely turned me off. His pictures online showed him in clean clothes and a nice button up shirt. He looked nice online. But when he showed up to the date he just didn't seem to look like he was on a date. It looked like he was ready to paint or something.

Am I just being too picky?

Updates:
1mo Thank you everyone so far! Your opinions have been very helpful! :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Looking for a partner is a lot like looking for a house.

    At first, you start off dreaming of the perfect home, but not really knowing exactly what it is that you want and are looking for. Then, as you see a few homes, you know what you definitely don't want, and what you would really really like.

    Then, you look at your budget and how much home you can actually afford. You don't want to be the kind of person that has fine wine taste with a beer budget. Your budget is the value that you bring to the table "in exchange for" the kind of value you want from whatever it is you want (e. g., a home, a man).

    There's nothing more irritating in terms of a waste of everyone's time than a prospective buyer who thinks everyone else "but her" are idiots, and that maybe a seller would be willing to get go of something worth $1,000,000 right now (today) in exchange for something that's only worth $710,000 right now (today).

    Of course, if you turn on the TV or scroll through the Internet, the message is clear for all women, "You're all beautiful, you're all priceless, you're all amazing!" Makes you wonder why men have preferences, and how on earth any woman can ever be rejected (or any man can ever not be interested in any woman). Obviously, that's not true. Be realistic and honest with yourself, and don't waste your time mentally masturbating.

    Finally, you get to the point where you're fucking fed up and are tired of fucking looking for a home, and just want a fucking house to live in and call yours. So, all of a sudden, the fact that the crown moldings are a little cracked and need to be sealed, or that the paint isn't your preferred color, or that there's no pool, or that the kitchen doesn't have an island, or that the master bathroom inside the master bedroom is a little small... all of a sudden, those things aren't deal breakers anymore... because the rest of the house "on balance, overall" is "reasonably good."

    Plus, thanks to fucking inflation, your (used to be damn good money 10 years ago) $680,000 simply can't buy you the same home it could 10 years ago. On top of that, the price of homes have continued to increase, and people have already pulled the trigger and purchased the nice homes while you were waiting to find "the perfect" home.. "THE ONE."

    So, you have to sort through the shit inventory that's left and pick one that's reasonably not so bad.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I also struggle with first dates. I think for me, when I meet someone with the intention of "this is someone I am deciding right now if I want to be in a relationship with or not," then it's too much pressure and its easy to latch on to those small turn offs.
    Meanwhile, there are guys that I have known for a while, and then I start to develop an attraction to them. they're not perfect guys, but because the relationship developed naturally with no pressure, it was easier to look past the small faults we all have.

    What I try to do is remove that pressure when I meet a guy on a date. I'm not deciding if I want to marry them. I don't even need to decide if I want to be in a relationship with them. On the first date, the only thing I need to think is: Do I want to go on a second date? If the answer is yes, then on the second date, the only thing I need to think about is: Do I want to go on a third date? I try to remove the pressure about finding the perfect guy by realizing it's okay to go on a few dates and then realize it's not working. Just because you give a guy a second chance, it doesn't mean you have to commit to him. If the second chance still doesn't work, then you can stop seeing him.

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What Guys Said 23

  • Welcome to the online dating world lol
    A massive collection of deceivers, liars, cheats, etc all tossed into the same heap with that one normal person we seek.
    The longer you use online dating sites the better you will become at weeding out those that are not for you.

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  • No, not picky at all. I think those are very valid reasons to not see them again.

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  • You are only picky if you want more than you are willing to give.

    You like what and who you like and you don't have to feel bad about that and you can't force that.

    If you want a millionaire, and you are working at Wal-Mart, you are picky.

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  • You're definitely not being too picky. I mean, you have nearly unlimited dating options right now and you should go for what you want. I'm very into smells myself and it's just... it's just the way it is. Go for what turns you on physically, emotionally, and intellectually and don't feel guilty that smelly or dirty just isn't your thing.

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    • 1mo

      Thank you! I honestly do try to give people chances. I just can't stand it when people show up to a date and aren't really ready for the date. Like to me it's bad etiquette if someone shows up to a date in torn and stained clothes. I can understand if money is tight. But I feel since I have put the effort in, so should they. I'm not asking a guy to wear a suit. But a clean and not tattered pair of jeans and a clean not tattered t shirt is perfect!

    • 1mo

      Agree

  • Wait... what the hell? The guy wore a sweater on a date, and it was a sweater he wore to work? On a farm? Are you kidding me?

    Anyways, you get a ton of bonus points for not just up and leaving immediately. You're for certain NOT too picky for these things bothering you.

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  • Its not being picky... its you're prerogative. They should know best that a date is a time to impress, not showup shabby

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  • Most of the time i would say yess women these days are too picky. However with what you described you are not being picky at all.

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  • Not being too picky. They're slobs who don't give a shit about you and think that online meetups are just for a f**k. Keep shopping girl!

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  • A friend of mine turned down a guy simply because he had blue eyes. Like wtf? XD
    THAT is being picky

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  • There's nothing wrong with having good sound morals and values or having decency with self respect. Good standards and good judgements are the direct results of success. People with similar standards only are present when you display yourself first. Then suddenly they just appear in your view.

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  • No, in these cases you're not being too picky.

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  • No your not too picky. You have your preference on who you want date and you have the right to refuse to date them as well.

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  • Doesn't seem like you are. Honestly, smelling nice and dressing properly should be expected on a date.

    Better luck next time! ;)

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  • From what you described, no. Doesn't seem like these are considered picky. It's called having "standards."

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  • In these cases, no. If they're not gonna dress accordingly and clean up in order to give a good first impression then they probably don't take it that seriously or are just clueless.

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  • This is exactly why when places poll women they say the number one thing they look for in a guy is cleanliness.

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  • Honestly in my opinion that's just about all that your gonna find in online dating. They should have put more effort in showing up clean if they were serious. And if they don't feel right don't force it, later on you'll see why

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  • Nah. We have the same thing. I easily get turned off because first impression matters.

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  • They should have put more effort in showing up like they did just shows they dont care!

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  • lol you're not being picky.. its kinda normal to expect your date to NOT smell lmao

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  • Wanting to shag yordles is pretty picky. Mainly because, you know, they don't exist.

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  • If you didn't like the guys, why stay with them?

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  • NOOOOOOOOOOO you are not picky, you can't be with someone who smells or doesn't take care of himself. I respect you for that so much and you are respecting yourself too. I am a 4/10 face guy and great body, god gave me shitty face god's joke on earth but still I love myself dress properly, work out, smell very great, wear nice clothes and I get my fair share of girls (real life only, my face is too ugly for online dating nobody ever cares to date me after see face online haha). So you are not being too picky, you are right and respecting yourself. Patience will reward you you will find someone better just wait

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What Girls Said 15

  • Well, I'd say that you are being a bit picky. But being picky is good! You shouldn't just go for anybody, you
    should have self respect and find somebody who's worth you. And being really honest here, sometimes guys are completely clueless, we all know this. Sometimes they aren't sure on how to be attractive! That doesn't mean that he's not a good guy. I've been around tons of different guys in my life, and trust me, I've found that the less that they know about being romantic, the better they are. Because once they fall for you, they'll do they best to be worthy of you. The guys who are very hot etc. Usually are players and know how to pull on your heartstrings. The best people that I've ever found are those guys who are really sweet and don't know much about women. Those two guys that you described definitely fit that category to a T. I'm not saying that they're the ones for you, but if you liked their personality and could appreciate them for being honest and not trying to be someone else on the date to impress you, then I'd say give it a try :) help him out in his romantic journey! Or keep looking until you find someone that catches your eye

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  • I'm very picky too, and that's never a bad thing to me. Why settle for someone that doesn't make you feel amazing, and that you aren't attracted too? Personally, if them being themselves isn't enough for you then they aren't meant for you. Smelly sweaters and messy eating is a lifestyle that suits them, but that doesn't mean you have to make it suit you too. I once asked my dad if I should stop being so picky and he instantly shook his head no. He told me "Stay picky. You're going to regret settling for someone that isn't what you want." It hit me hard, and he's right. Keep searching for someone that gives you butterflies, and don't settle for the smelly! Good luck!

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    • 1mo

      Thank you (and your dad!) for the advice! I agree, I feel if I settle for something that isn't really what I want, I will end up regretting it!

    • 1mo

      I respect ambitious girls that respect themselves and are picky, BUT as long as they don't cheat :P. Some girls get in relationship with a guy until they find someone better, they lie the guy like they really love him but he is just a piggyback. I hate those kind of girls, I better prefer the girl not to get in relationship at all then lie to get some temporary affection while she finds another one

    • 1mo

      Exactly. When it comes to material things, sometimes you need to settle for the cheaper, less appealing stuff, because money. But when you are dealing with a person, and emotional connection that can have a huge impact on you, there's really nothing in your way but yourself. And relationships are so important that if you aren't starting them with the kind of connection you want, it will never be what you want.

  • Everyone sets standards, and has dealbreakers. It's best to be selective when it comes to dating, because if you're not... you'll just settle for anyone. I'd rather be patient and wait for what I'm looking for. If you're with the wrong guy, you'll never meet the right one

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  • In this case, no honey, you are not being too picky. Hygiene is SO important.
    1.) These dudes did not show up looking like they put in effort to how they look. They don't need to be in a suit but come on? Take a shower and put clean clothes on.
    2.) The fact they didn't shows they are lazy and have horrible hygiene. These men are grown ass adults. How are they supposed to take care of you if they can't take care of themselves? They both sound like men who are looking to wife someone up to take care of them like their mother.

    Being to picky would be: "Man wanted: Above 6'4 with blonde hair. Must be good a lifting heavy shit, skate boarding on one foot while blind folded and be able to turn on a vacuum. All others need not apply."... really the turning on a vacuum would rule out 60% of men ;)

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    • 1mo

      don't forget that going to date with shitty clothes and unclean also shows disrespect to the woman you are meeting! If a woman came to me like that even if she was hot and very attractive I would have dumped her

  • Sorry but neither of those guys sounds like potential boyfriend material. I am pretty picky as well and those would be turn offs for me. I don't care if a guy works on the farm, he should have at least cleaned up before the date, that to me says slob. Same w/the 2nd guy, gross. Personal hygiene is a big thing for most people and this seems like what these guys did not have. Don't settle.

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  • Being too picky is expecting more than what you have to offer, in my opinion, or "hyper-valuing" very unnecessary things. You have high but REASONABLE expectations, just be ready to meet them yourself.

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  • Lol you are not being too picky.
    From what you wrote, I would have grossed out by them too..
    You just been out with wrong guys haha

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  • I can't speak to your overall dating history as some who know you may be, but with these two examples, hells no you're not too picky! Ugh.

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  • I don't think you are being too picky. That is one of the biggest disadvantages of online dating--you can't see them in person or gauge chemistry and your level of attraction. That's one of the many hits of dating! :/

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  • being too picky means that you have a certain quality that most guys don't have and you can't tolerate anything.
    I am very open minded and have very minimal expectations for a guy. Just that he is my age and has morals, everything else is a bonus.

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  • Go on reddit's r/choosingbeggars for examples lol

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    • 1mo

      Wow! Thanks for sharing that! I went on there and now don't feel so bad! :P

  • When there are not many people who fits your dating criteria

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    • 1mo

      "he's got to have the same interests than me. Only those, and nothing more! He's got to have green eyes, the rest would be ugly. He must have that diploma. He's got to be able to speak three languages, and he must be wearing this style of clothing, and nothing else! He must like this food and nothing else! This movie genre only!"

      nooooo , I'm not picky. What are you taaaaaaaaaaalking about?

  • This isn't being "too picky" it's just having standards.

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  • Just live online then.

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  • my MUST:
    must be 35 or older
    must have a car
    must have own place
    must be black
    must have job
    must have swagger
    must live within 30 min drive
    must pay for first date
    must have tattoo
    must be at least 6ft
    must have a nice body
    must listen to hip hop and r&b
    must have big dick
    must be a bad boy
    must be able to get me tree
    must have other women falling over
    must have 1000 friend on fb

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    • 1mo

      hygiene is a give in

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