I've been going on a few dates and there are a couple guys now that I have met and went on dates with (we are NOT in a relationship, I met them for the first time recently). On the date when I met them, I just don't feel like they are right for me.
The first guy seemed fine when I was talking online to him. But when we went on the date, he smelled. I didn't know what it was at first. But then he told me that he smelled and it was his sweater that he wore to work on a farm. That really turned me off. And he just seemed to be bitter about everything.
Then the next guy seemed nice online. But he showed up to the date in clothes that were 3 sizes too small. And he had food around his mouth as well. It grossed me out and completely turned me off. His pictures online showed him in clean clothes and a nice button up shirt. He looked nice online. But when he showed up to the date he just didn't seem to look like he was on a date. It looked like he was ready to paint or something.
Am I just being too picky?
Most Helpful Guy
Looking for a partner is a lot like looking for a house.
At first, you start off dreaming of the perfect home, but not really knowing exactly what it is that you want and are looking for. Then, as you see a few homes, you know what you definitely don't want, and what you would really really like.
Then, you look at your budget and how much home you can actually afford. You don't want to be the kind of person that has fine wine taste with a beer budget. Your budget is the value that you bring to the table "in exchange for" the kind of value you want from whatever it is you want (e. g., a home, a man).
There's nothing more irritating in terms of a waste of everyone's time than a prospective buyer who thinks everyone else "but her" are idiots, and that maybe a seller would be willing to get go of something worth $1,000,000 right now (today) in exchange for something that's only worth $710,000 right now (today).
Of course, if you turn on the TV or scroll through the Internet, the message is clear for all women, "You're all beautiful, you're all priceless, you're all amazing!" Makes you wonder why men have preferences, and how on earth any woman can ever be rejected (or any man can ever not be interested in any woman). Obviously, that's not true. Be realistic and honest with yourself, and don't waste your time mentally masturbating.
Finally, you get to the point where you're fucking fed up and are tired of fucking looking for a home, and just want a fucking house to live in and call yours. So, all of a sudden, the fact that the crown moldings are a little cracked and need to be sealed, or that the paint isn't your preferred color, or that there's no pool, or that the kitchen doesn't have an island, or that the master bathroom inside the master bedroom is a little small... all of a sudden, those things aren't deal breakers anymore... because the rest of the house "on balance, overall" is "reasonably good."
Plus, thanks to fucking inflation, your (used to be damn good money 10 years ago) $680,000 simply can't buy you the same home it could 10 years ago. On top of that, the price of homes have continued to increase, and people have already pulled the trigger and purchased the nice homes while you were waiting to find "the perfect" home.. "THE ONE."
So, you have to sort through the shit inventory that's left and pick one that's reasonably not so bad.1
Most Helpful Girl
I also struggle with first dates. I think for me, when I meet someone with the intention of "this is someone I am deciding right now if I want to be in a relationship with or not," then it's too much pressure and its easy to latch on to those small turn offs.
Meanwhile, there are guys that I have known for a while, and then I start to develop an attraction to them. they're not perfect guys, but because the relationship developed naturally with no pressure, it was easier to look past the small faults we all have.
What I try to do is remove that pressure when I meet a guy on a date. I'm not deciding if I want to marry them. I don't even need to decide if I want to be in a relationship with them. On the first date, the only thing I need to think is: Do I want to go on a second date? If the answer is yes, then on the second date, the only thing I need to think about is: Do I want to go on a third date? I try to remove the pressure about finding the perfect guy by realizing it's okay to go on a few dates and then realize it's not working. Just because you give a guy a second chance, it doesn't mean you have to commit to him. If the second chance still doesn't work, then you can stop seeing him.1