Why do players lie for sex and spend so much effort on getting girls when sex is so easy?

long story short,

guy spends all this time and lies to me about wanting to get to know me and date. i felt like i was getting played. i called him on it, and said i wasn't going to sleep with someone outside of a relationship.

he vanished.

why do men do this? sex is so easy these days with hook up culture. girls are DTF.

this guy is good looking, intelligent and very experienced in both sex and love.

whats the deal?

Updates:
1mo i told him i wanted a boyfriend. he knew all this.
1mo To emphasize something. I didn't sleep with him. i just want to understand the mentality.

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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • Asker, I can relate to your situation. I was talking to a guy for a while and he ghosted out on me after I said that I was interested in a serious relationship and not sex. I'm guessing that in your situation, the guy was very attracted to you and wanted you specifically out of all the girls available out there, but realized that you weren't going to give in so easily. So he gave up and ghosted on you.

    by the way, that user Rawrr really is really immature and dense. Take a look at the nonsense/insults he wrote after I disagreed with what he said smh

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    • 1mo

      Im just mad that he lied and tried to manipulate me. we all want to think some guy has fallen for us and cares. Ah, romance, bloody romance.

      Then, it's like nope, he just wanted to fuck me. Nothing more.

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    • 1mo

      He blocked me on his end so I can't respond 😂
      He's just bitter because he can't make an effective argument and we proved him wrong. The only way he argues is through name-calling like a child.
      He's probably the most dense user I've come across on this site smh

    • 1mo

      I guess all i cand o is continue talking to the 5 other guys I was talking to and hopefully, someone will come up that i like.

What Guys Said 13

  • Just because a guy is hot, doesn't mean it's easy for him to get sex. If that were the case, you would have had sex with him, no? But you didn't. Because you wanted a relationship. Well, 90% of women want the same thing. And women also have a much higher variation in what they view as hot. Men can usually agree on what woman is hot and which is not. But women are much more different from other women, in this regard. So, just because you thought he was hot, doesn't mean other women would.

    In short, "hook up" culture doesn't exist. It's a lie. And girls are *not* DTF. Or, very few are. The vast majority of women do not just go around fucking guys. They seek relationships with the ultimate goal being marriage or some other form of long-term commitment.

    He bailed, because all he wanted was sex.

    More on this topic: even if he *did* have access to sex, he didn't have access to sex *with you*. Sex for men is like drugs. There can never be enough. You always want something different. Or, someone different. A guy would not be satisfied even if he had fucked 80% of the women on Earth. That's just how we are. It's not like some gauge that you can fill up and go "Oh, my sex gauge is full. I no longer require sex."

    In short: guys instinctively want to have sex with many, many different women. Some of them just are unable to get laid this much. Some of them lie to themselves and say they only want one woman--because women like this, so it increases their chances of getting laid [note: I am not saying that a man cannot be satisfied with one woman. They can. But they will still be attracted to other women].
    me men

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    • 1mo

      What he said.

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    • 1mo

      I also would like to add, when women get asked outright if they would have sex with a guy, they probably won't admit to it, publically or even anonymously, becuase of the stigma against women having casual sex. you just expressed the reason why most girls might lie and pretend.

      i wouldn't take stats and internet videos too seriously.

      im telling you from someone who has talked to a lot of women, definitely more than you have, on an intimate level where they share stories.

      Girls have casual sex. If you aren't getting any, it's because you're repellent, which is obvious from all your answers and opinions.

    • 1mo

      You know nothing.

  • Sex is easy to get from some girls but usually the girls willing to casually fuck a guys without expecting commitment are less attractive compared to the more hard to get girls.

    So he probably thought you were more attractive than the girls who were offering free sex.

    Also, he could be turned on by the challenge.

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    • 1mo

      yes and no. i know a ton of attractive girls who are kind of slutty. but it takes a particular type of girl with certain type of issues. i can imagine you could jsut meet those girls when you're out. no, it's not a challenge though.

  • It's a twitch reaction to lie, its a conformation over the years because guys do the chasing and girls do the accepting so it's natural to try to get what you want through manipulating the situation

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    • 1mo

      i hate being manipulated. it implies that you THINK you can pull one over me.

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    • 1mo

      Please teach me your ways lol.

    • 1mo

      @jakebrake7 there are no ways. just find someone you like, treat them well but give them space. live a happy fulfiling life so you're not sitting around for them. boom, love and sex.

  • Sex is not that easy to get for most men.

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    • 1mo

      He's hot and a certain type. I'm pretty sure he gets girls. That's why im like UGH ASDFLKJSFLDKJSADFAJKLSDF

  • I personally don't find it very easy to find sex. I know that doesn't answer your question… I guess I'll propose another question, would you rather a guy just go for the kill without saying a word?

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    • 1mo

      what? no, this isn't about not saying anything and just going for it? it's called communicating what you want in honest terms. or more honest terms.

      you want to just have no strings attached sex, say that. if girls dont' like it, find the ones that want the same things as you. they might be less hot or too easy. sucks to be you.

      easy.

    • 1mo

      most people actually just go for it, in casual scenarios and let the chips fall. thats called working and reading social situations. it's only recently that people are forced to say right away what they want...

  • Cuz he wanted YOU and he obviously profiled you correctly. He found a way to have sex with you and he carried it out. It's that simple.

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    • 1mo

      i didn't sleep with him buddy.

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    • 1mo

      Either way. :/ just go with your gut. Mines never lied to me

    • 1mo

      @El_Muffidore yeah, im learning that whenever i feel super uncomfortable even though it seems normal, there's a reason for it. i should just leave.

  • Unfortunately they is tons of them out there, see men have this stupid race in how many girls they can get in bed. I never understood it, that's whay people call them players, putting effort on their game has become their normal instead of putting effort to make their relationship work which is a big no no for some reasons. Try to avoid men with such behavior , am not sure how

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  • Well if it's so easy then why would they spend so much effort?

    I don't quite understand the question...

    Although I'll admit... it is pretty easy after 26-27

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    • 1mo

      he's older than 27. im saying that with most girls it's pretty easy, so if he wanted easy sex, why did he waste all his time pretending to be a nice guy so he could score with me?

      thats what im saying.

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    • 1mo

      and you have issues dude. continue doing whatever you have been diong "for years."

    • 1mo

      Yes, I have serious issues you don't even know!

  • OK be my girlfriend, have sex or marry me?

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  • Easy for girls, guys never turn down sex. Women do.

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    • 1mo

      yes and no, sometimes guys will turn down sex. not too often though

    • 1mo

      @diegoD guys turn down sex. I've seen it.

  • Sex is not easy at all. Especially for guys. Women can get it no problem if they aren't picky (but most are) as most guys would jump on any chance to have sex, not women.

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  • It's possible he was looking for like an open relationship.

    Or it's possible he just decided you were too paranoid around sex and he didn't want to deal with that.

    It's possible he likes winning girls over because it makes him feel good about himself.

    It's possible he can't get laid with attractive women as easily as you think.

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    • 1mo

      ha, i think you might be right on all of these counts.

      he agreed to be monogamous though, so xnay on the open. no girl, unless she was as horny, would agree to an open relationship, if she's worht her salt.

  • sex easy? for you it should be. you dont have to put any effort into getting it TROLL . its hard enough to get numbers, and I am not ugly at all.

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    • 1mo

      He's hot

    • 1mo

      but your premise is wrong

    • 1mo

      not really. although women do want long term relationships, there is a section of men who are hot and charming that women will just have sex with for fun. that attractiveness is subjective but a good looking guy is a good looking guy. other guys will also admit he's attractive. human beauty isn't THAT subjective. personality matters..

      but if he's that hot, he'll get laid.

      no im not a troll. sorry to burst that bubble.

What Girls Said 5

  • They think if they tell you outright they will be shot down. Not so. As you said many girls are DTF. Maybe he doesn't want that type of DTF girl or he likes the challenge or duping a chick to make him feel like the slick dude who sweet talked a girl. I would rather I guy say look, just looking for sex if you are cool with that. Guys who try to play you this way are creeps and have no respect for the opposite sex. Kudos to you for calling him on it.

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  • This is why I make it clear for players that I'm abstinent until marriage this way I know that if they really want me they would stick with me.
    But I'm sure the last one I talked to will pop out in a few years after he's done fucking around and wants to marry a virgin 😒 He literally told me it's hot to be a girl 's first when I told him I'm virgin. Too bad he's super hot and rich and can get away with being a fuckboy.

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    • 1mo

      dont marry him. he'll cheat on you

    • 23d

      also, i dont think men want to marry virgins. that's a really old school way of thinking. what if that person sucks and you have no sexual chemistry with them. then what?

      all this female purity bs happened when it became a patriarchy. previously property was transferred through the mother's line, so it didn't matter who was the father. . as soon as that switched, women became property and guys became paranoid about who's kid it was and that's when sex became controlled.

      previously to that, people just kind of had sex and everything was happy. blame patriarchy for this bullshit.

  • They might not be into the type of girls who are DTF. They might enjoy the chase. They might mean what they say in the moment, but are players at heart and get bored easily. I dunno.

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  • Hookup culture is less common than people think. It gets a lot of press, but most people aren't actually hooking up all the time. That's a myth.

    So for most guys, getting sex is still hard. So they use the same old stuff.

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    • 1mo

      Hmm, thats good to know. I think this guy does get laid a lot. Obviously, not enough though.

  • Idk?

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