How to deal with a boyfriend who is close to his ex?

I know that if we broke up, he'd get back with her. And I also know that's all she wants. That's why I'm so worried.

Anyways, we broke up and he got her friendship back. Now we're back and I asked him to stop talking to her. He said he won't because she did nothing wrong and it'd be mean to her.

This really upsets me and I'm not sure if I'm just being a crazy girlfriend. He keeps liking everything she posts... It really hurts me. I asked him to stop liking all of her stuff too and he says "he can do whatever he wants".

It's making me so sad and insecure and I can't stop thinking about it and all I do is cry. What should I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I know that if we broke up, he'd get back with her."

    End it immediately! He doesn't love you if that's true and it won't last between you two. Save yourself sooner rather than wasting your time.
    You are not crazy at all you are realistic. Nobody should be that close with an ex. An ex us an ex for a reason.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • My boyfriend did this way back when we first started talking. I was so naive about what they were really doing behind my back. He was telling me how they were just friends and she will do something crazy if he stops talking to her. I believed every word. Then one day my brother and his girlfriend snooped on his phone and found out that he was being very inappropriate with her and asking for pictures and to meet up and stuff. Needless to say, I learned a lot from it that talking to an ex is ALWAYS a bad idea whether just friends or not. Don't talk to your ex. Period.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Your 1st fuckup was taking him back knowing these things. Your 2nd fuckup is continuing to stay with him. Wtf is wrong with you?

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    • 1mo

      Well if he liked her more than me he wouldn't be dating me as she's just sitting and waiting for him.

    • 1mo

      Have fun with that

  • Why 'dea' with it? It shows he is loyal and doesn't cut people out of his life because of lifestyle changes or similar things. A guy who keeps friends is a GOOD thing!

    ANd if he's open about staying in touch with her it probably means he doesn't have anything to hide from you!

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    • 1mo

      He hadn't talked to her in a year. He just talked to her bc we broke up for a few days and now he says he doesn't want to stop talking to her

    • 1mo

      if you are breaking up, guys will often start talking to an ex.

  • I'm still best friends with someone I used to date and I love her like a sister. I know that I'm gonna have to deal with this in the future but the girl just needs to trust me because I'm not abandoning someone I care about just because someone else I care about doesn't like our past. If you really care about me you won't make me have to pick between the two of you because at the end of the day, my ex would tell me to do whatever I want and I would pick her over someone who makes it into an ultimatum any day.

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    • 1mo

      But you wouldn't get back with your ex, would you?

    • 1mo

      I can't say. I have no clue. We broke up because of logistics but things now are different. If they ever went back to the way they used to be and that special spark came back maybe, but I can tell you one thing for sure, I would never go back to her while I am in a relationship with someone else who I care about and she would never try to break it up to benefit herself.

  • i personally think its a bit weird that he's still close to his ex whilst dating you. i guess it depends on how it ended but im still not sure about this situation. im not friends with any of my ex's and thats cool with me. im happy so when i eventually meet the girl for me she has nothing to worry about. i dont think you should tell him what to do. however, if there's still romantic feelings there from both of them then it does spell trouble. anything could happen even if you are together.

    as hard as this situation is, i think you have a decision to make stick it out or end it. Either way you sound like you're already hurting anyway. Decision time.

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  • You broke up. You made a mistake by re-uniting with him. You know what you need to do.

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  • No, you're already insecure and you're making yourself more insecure. Unless he's being inappropriate he has done nothing to warrant you behaving that way. Dealing with your own insecurities first will benefit this and every following relationship you have.

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  • Meh it wouldn't bother me much I've been friends with my exes no one ever had an issue with it and I never got back together with them.

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    • 1mo

      But he has told me that if we break up they're getting back together so it scares me yeah

    • 1mo

      Well in your case then yeah you have a good reason to worry.

  • Lay the law down. Tell him, GODAMMIT CIUT THAT SHIT OUT OR I'M LEAVING YOU ! If he doesn't, leave him. He shouidn't be doing that.

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  • Move on.

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  • Break up.

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  • I'd leave him, he obviously doesn't care as much about you as you do for him, it's better to leave now before you get hurt

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    • 1mo

      We've been together for a year and I've gotten used to always being with him... And I love him so much. How can I leave someone like that?

    • 1mo

      I understand what you mean, but if he's still doing this kind of stuff even after you told him how you feel about it I don't think he feels the same amount of love towards you that you feel towards him, hopefully everything works out for the best for you

  • He's close friends with her, you have to trust him.

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  • Does he let you be friends with your ex's?

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  • Well if you're together, I guess you can ask him to not do things that make you uncomfortable...

    He could be just friends with his ex, I have been, I dont feel a thing for them romantically. and I know there's no way Id get back with them prexisely because of that...

    But if he said theyre getting. back together, thats not cool I guess...

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What Girls Said 22

  • when we met, my other half was close to an ex; it felt like there was a third person in our relationship, since she would call at all hours of the night to ask him to fix things for her, etc. i was pretty uncomfortable with it... until i met her, and i witnessed the dynamic between them firsthand; within a few minutes, it was easy to see why they broke up.

    eventually, she pissed him off and he cut ties with her, so she is no longer in our lives. but i never insisted that he stop talking to her on my account, even if it did make me feel weird.

    the thing is, if you say "stop talking to your ex NAOW", you're only telling him what to be secretive about. maybe try asking him, "how would you feel if i kept in touch with an ex i was emotionally attached to?"~ less accusatory, keeps the focus on your feelings and doesn't imply he can't be trusted.

    from experience: invite her over and watch how they interact. if he's touchy-feely with her, ignores you, or takes a ton of interest in her romantic/sex life, all are serious red flags.

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  • I tappears Here, dear, that your 'Boyfriend' wants his Cake... And Eat it Two with being with her and with You.
    He can't Shake the Skeleton from the Cozy Closet, i tis Rattling your own Chains, and it's most Unhealthy.
    I never Believed in this Triangle Threesome, where You are the One, hun, Way at the Tip, Looking down at the Both of them.
    I am Assuming they are just "Friends," but he Needs to Respect your Wishes as Well. Sit him down and Tell him it is Time to Compromise and Little or No Talk with her and Posting and Boasting too, is Best from the Rest so you Both can Focus on your Relationship.
    Dry your Tears and Think of How you want to Approach him about the Girl Ghost.
    Good luck. xx

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  • You have no right at all to tell him what to do. He has every right to befriend who he wants and you shouldn't let something so petty as "liking" Something on Facebook or whatever social media to upset you. You are pushing him away. If you cannot trust him, there is NO reason in the world to date him or anybody else you can't trust. Without trust, you WILL suffer. So, my answer is to either let him go or trust him and have a respectful talk.

    On the other hand, I can't argue that there might be something going on between them. Not necessarily saying they are cheating on you, but there is a greater connection between them than just a normal friendship. If I were you, I'd get the hint and just leave. It sounds like he's itching to break up with you and get back together with her, especially if he hasn't done anything to make you feel better or secure in the relationship.

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  • You might have to end up giving him an ultimatum- either he continues doing things that he knows upset his current girlfriend, or is 'mean' to someone he was previously involved with.

    That kind of behavior is unacceptable on his part, seeing as how respecting the boundaries set by your s/o is a basic responsibility that comes along with anyone being in a relationship. I'd say give him an ultimatum or walk.

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  • If the liking things on facebook is as close as it gets then eh this is nothing.
    If it's multiple texts and phone calls every day/week and them catching up often then I'd worry

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  • Just from what u were saying how he would get back to together with her if y'all broke up should b a big hint that he obviously don't have strong enough feeling for u if ur feeling that way u should break up with him or talk to him about it about how it makes u feel telling him u feel like if y'all broke up that he would go back to her and if that's true maybe u guys shouldn't b together I hope it works out though good luck and remember to do what will make u happy and not feel stressed out or unimportant

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  • He doesn't truly care about you, I would leave. He obviously isn't over his ex. I have been there and its very unpleasant, but its best to find a guy who isn't hung up on their ex. I dated 2 guys who had ties to their ex and neither of the situations turned out good. It is not fair to you, find a guy who has no ties w/his exes.

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  • How long you guys dated for before and after the break? Like, in total?

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    • 1mo

      We dated for almost a year. And they dated for three...

    • 1mo

      He doesn't sound like he's completely committed to you. You don't deserve half-assed love. You deserve someone's full respect and consideration. If he really would rather be with her than you, you know what? Let him. He's a pig, and he has no respect for you. You shouldn't have to fight for someone's love. A relationship is all about two people committed to each other, not one person doing all the work and the other has his or her eye wandering around onto someone else. That is not how a relationship works. You can find someone better than him, sweetie.

  • End it. He shouldn't be making you sad or insecure, he also shouldn't be saying "I can do whatever I want", it's not something people in relationships do.

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  • If i were you I would be jealous that he is still friends with his ex. And I think if you would ask him to choose between the two of you he would probably chose her. I think you should really tell him how you feel about it and discuss it. Then come up with a win win situation with him or if he is not really willing to give her up I think you should have to make your own decision. It is either you chose to stay and respect and accepts his being close friend with his x or you should give yourself a time to feel being loved and respected as well. I don't think he loves you the way that you do.

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  • I would straight up tell him to choose one of us or I'm walking away right now!
    He can't do that to you; he can't keep you both. Tell him to choose one of you or else you'll leave. If he refuses, well that's pretty messed up on his part. Why does he need his ex if he has you? He is being greedy.

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    • 1mo

      Even if they are just friends, an ex-turned-friend can't be that valuable to a person.

  • I don't think it's right for you to tell him to stop talking to her. I'm friends with my exes, and it's not because I would get back together with them if I got the chance. You're being paranoid. Try to be more understanding of your boyfriend and less controlling.

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  • Break up with him

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    • 1mo

      Why?

    • 1mo

      My bestfriend is in the same situation and it's not pretty... The guy went out with his ex multiple times without telling her... Until she found out.
      The "dates" weren't sexual (as far as we know) but his ex still loves him and he gave her false hopes, he went out with her because he needs both my bestfriend and his ex to be happy, like wtf i would've left from that moment if it were me😅
      I think it's disrespectful to keep lots of contact with an ex...

  • You don't. You break up with him.

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  • I think you dont have his total attention. I would drop him like a hot potato, first you have to have confidence on yourself and get someone that will appreciate and respect your opinion. Why be scare, insecure, and crying for someone that doesn't give a Sh... please, get rid of him!

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  • i would be jealous as fuck

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  • if you don't wanna break up with the guy you should tell him how you and confront him and tell him that what he's doing is bothering you and that he should stop and if he can't stop then you should break up with him

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  • Seems like he's not going listen at all :/ sounds like he's still into her and probably both of you.

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  • How do you deal with your boyfriend who is close to his EX?
    YOU DONT!
    YOU DUMP HIM!

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  • Stop being so paranoid

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  • cheat on him, take his money, and dump him

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  • Just leave it for now but keep an eye out for anything suspicious in the future and if your gut tells you something, don't ignore it. But make sure not to snoop through his stuff or something.

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