Do you ever feel like you're constantly "starting over" in dating?

Are you able to attract a lot of women/men initially but not in the long run in terms of a relationship?

I've been able to get lots of dates, hook ups, flings here and there. Some of it is voluntary but most of it is involuntary.

It's like I'll get the person interested initially but then after a date or a few, I never hear from them again.

Even though it's a double standard, even as a male, the quantity of women you get doesn't mean shit. I'd rather have fewer women where there's substance as opposed to a bunch of dates/encounters that lead to nothing.

Its just frustrating because I'll get told I'm cute, funny, etc by lots of people and it's like I'm in an endless cycle of dating someone until it ends and find someone new then repeat, which is "starting over".

What scares me is I don't know what I'm doing on my end that's causing the failure. And it isn't about being nice or entitled but generally if I don't see problems, I don't look for them and yet they still end.

I dont compare myself to others but I'm almost 27 and most people I know have had at least 1-2 long term relationships where I haven't had any. And I'm not desperate or trying to rush in a relationship but it's frustrating when you put yourself out there and have nothing to show for it.

Anyone else in the same boat?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can see where you're frustration is coming from here. I've yet to get into a long term relationship and it gets frustrating to constantly get excited when meeting someone new and getting attached to them and then the relationship doesn't work out.
    My advice would be to talk with an ex to help you reflect on why your relationships are not lasting. And I'd suggest talking with someone who hopefully knows the kind of person you are rather than any one night stands. Even friends who are girls might be able to enlighten you on your situation.
    If you are doing nothing wrong, then just keep rolling the dice and see what sticks. Your luck is bound to work out in your favor eventually.

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    • 1mo

      That's the thing, I've never had a relationship before so I have no exes. I've tried talking to friends about it. I'll either get there's nothing wrong with you or move on, there's other girls.

      It's like yes, there's plenty of other women out there, but I'm getting the same results.

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    • 1mo

      I've dated around and have not had any hookups but my only short term relationship that I've had was just a short 2 month thing. We are still on good terms so if I was in your shoes, I could talk to her about these issues if I wanted. But you don't have this sort of relationship so the only thing you can do is keep moving forward.
      You don't have to necessarily have to start over every time. You can learn from your past and grow from it. Did you take things too fast? too slow? too insecure?

      Also, you don't have to put all the blame on yourself. It takes two to tango. She might have just not been ready for a relationship.

      But really the only thing you can do is keep trying. You will get there eventually. Just stay optimistic and go with the flow.

    • 1mo

      There might have been times where I did take it too fast a few years ago. And insecurity wasn't ever a big issue. I just play things by ear. Maybe it's because I'm meeting these women online and they have so many options. But it just feels like I'm flavor of the day/month then it's over

What Girls Said 1

  • You're not boyfriend material.

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    • 1mo

      And what makes you say that?

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    • 1mo

      Gotcha, could have worded that better haha. But the ones who do want a relationship with me I'm either not attracted to or they are super clingy to the point where I can't have my own life.

    • 1mo

      Truth be told though. I always play it by ear and most women don't say they're not looking for a relationship or say their intentions period. It could go good for awhile and then bam out of the blue they disappear. That's the frustrating part about it. I don't say I'm looking for a relationship, at least early on because sometimes if you do, it could cause pressure and send the other person off.

What Guys Said 0

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