Can someone explain to me the process of establishing a long term relationship?

I was never taught how to understand this. I really want to have a long term committed relationship with a women. Is there a step by step guide to it? Like date? Second date? And so on... I'm just confused.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • There's no step by step tutorial because all relationships are different.

    I've known my SO since 2007. We dated from October 2011 - August 2016 and are engaged and planning a wedding for June 2018.

    My fiance and I decided about 2 hours into our first date that we were going to be in a serious, hopefully long term, relationship. A big goal for a sophomore and senior in HS when so many relationships last 6 weeks or so :p

    We're friends first. Genuine friends. We hang out. Not every time you see each other is a date. Not every time you go out to eat is a date.

    You being a boyfriend does not give you the right to sex from her. Her being a girlfriend does not give her the right to your wallet. And vice versa.

    You make that determination for yourselves. You don't need set milestones. Don't listen to your friends who say stuff like, "if she hasn't put out by such and such time then leave her 'cause it's not worth it," or any other stipulations. They're not the ones in the relationship, you are.

    She is your equal partner. And if you two decide (together) that you're going to have sex on the first date... that's between you two and you two alone. No one else. If you decide to wait until you're married... that's your call.

    Don't rush your milestones. The first kiss, the first, second, third date, the first sexual experience, they don't need to happen in any particular order... or within any certain time frame. If you go into it with the expectation that these things have to happen within a certain period of time... you're creating a sense of urgency and that will be the downfall of your relationship.

    Be friends first, romantic partners second.

    Take your time, don't rush things.

    Keep your relationship private. What you two do or tell each other is not fodder for conversations with your friends and it's not stuff to be aired on social media. It's private.

    At the same time, own that you're in a relationship. It's not so private that you hide it from other interested people. You don't need to air your mushy crap or your arguments, but you do own that you're committed.

    Be honest with each other. Don't hold onto your fights or your anger. Something that upset you a year ago is not relevant in your fight today.

    If your goal is to make it last... then both parties should attack each day with the intent to please their partner. As a friend first, and a romantic partner second.

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    • 1mo

      Wow. I really love this answer. Thank you!!!

      Definitely helps tremendously

What Girls Said 19

  • A long term, committed relationship is something that you can get in the same way as a friend that you're close with and been friends with for years. As you get to know each other better, start hanging out more and depending on how much interest both of you have in continuing that, you'll eventually establish a long-term relationship over time.

    So.. yeah. For a romantic relationship, start with getting to know them a bit. If you click on a platonic level, start flirting a bit. If the girl reciprocates with some flirting on her part, then increase the amount/frequency of that till you ask her out on a date. If that goes well, ask her on a second date.

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  • I've been in several long term relationships. Here's what happens.

    You have this person in your life that means a lot to you... you date, and when you both understand that neither of you are interested in anyone else, you call them your bf/gf.

    It just naturally happens when you meet someone that special to you...

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  • You should try to pick a book up on this.
    First YOU mentally have to be willing to be in a relationship, to put someone as important as yourself.
    Then you have to initiate as well as they do too, both of you should be contacting each other about wanting to talk or meet up.
    Finally after meeting up for a few times, you can decide if you want it forever or not.

    It was THAT simple for me because I made it pretty simple.
    I was mentally ready for a relationship. I stated to my friends and family that I wanted one.
    I found someone. I told him that I wanted one and asked him if he did too, asked him if he liked me and if he could see himself with me.
    He said yes.

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  • Allow me to say this. There is no process of establishing a long term relationship. You know why? Because it begins with your choices and their choices. Everything in this life is about choices. It will either enhance your relationships or hinder you. You have to both be on the same page, what nearly the same things, have like mindedness, being equals, in understanding, patience, courage and the ability to think clearly and rationally.

    You have to already be happy with your life, have love inside of you. Do NOT lust! Make your intentions VERY CLEAR of what your seeking in a relationship BEFORE you become official. Definitely seek to understand where their come from, how their upbringing plays a role, what their belief's are, etc. This is very important.

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  • This mystifies me too. I date guys and things seem to be good because they are interested. But they stop trying and then I feel like there's no point to continue trying to see them. They just stop making an effort or making time for me.

    So I move on. This happens to me all the time now. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. But I feel your pain.

    There is no set formula for a long-term relationship. Just try to get to know the person and keep showing interest. Make time for them.

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  • It's all about love, mutual respect and commitment :)

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  • The meaning of marriage by Timothy Keller is a great recommendation. I mean I use to think i had commitment problem but after reading most of the book (I am still reading it now) I am understanding myself and what I am looking for.

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  • Main important things to a relationship: trust, communication, and patience. I will emphasize on this again: TRUST. COMMUNICATION. PATIENCE. If you can trust your partner, communicate effectively with your partner, and be patient with your partner, you can hold onto a long term relationship. Those three go hand in hand, and it is crucial that you learn to master them; as well as your partner doing the same. You can't walk around not having any faith or trust in that your partner will be loyal to you and the relationship, you can't walk around not having to be able to talk things out with your partner and both people being able to effectively get point across, and you cannot walk around having a low tolerance towards your partner with running a risk or offending them with your attitude. Learn to cherish one another, and to always say, "I love you" everyday. Always ask once a day, "how can I make your day better?" And always being able to be there for them.

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  • There's no set guide to follow, but relationships develop over time.

    The more you get to know a person's personality and life, the stronger your feelings grow. So two people need to be emotionally available , open about their feelings, and their life or the relationship won't progress. Over time , you realise you're with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with

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  • I'd say it's something really random. You don't have to plan every single day to be sure your relationship will be perfect and forever. I think that the person who's going to be the one for you in a long term relationship will come into your life without you noticing. Plus, the long term relation ship isn't like the movies.. You have to connect, it's being bestfriend, connected, it's not always meet. date. home. marriage. kids. grow old. Every relation is different and everyone is different to. So don't worry about it, when the time will come you'll do everything naturally :)

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  • It's not as hard as it may seem or confusing. Relationships takes time to develop. Getting to know that person, going out and having fun, knowing a lot about them. Or to some people they will meet someone and is willing to invest in it meaning like I see something in him/her and I want to be with them and see where it goes. Don't think to much about it, when you meet someone go out have fun and let it everything happen naturally.

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  • Befriend them first. If you can stay friends for at least a year, chances are you have at least 3 years of a relationship ahead of you.. unless one of you is a total moron. Dating is trying people on like clothing, and discarding them if they don't fit correctly. It's costly, time consuming, rarely fruitful, and pardon the pun.. outdated.

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  • Make her happy. Make sure she makes you happy and repeat

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  • Well talk to a girl first, make sure you be yourself but also have some boundaries with what you're saying at first and what you're asking her (don't be pervy off the bat). Be interesting and don't try too hard to get her to date you, it turns a lot of girls off when a guy can take no and constant keeps asking. That's how you can try to start getting dates. Also don't put all your hope onto one girl if you keep your options you get better results.

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  • It gets to long term when you've lasted for a long time. There's no real guide book for this, but what I will say is if a long term relationship is what you want then that is a good mindset to be in when looking for a girl to start dating.

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  • 1. Ask girl out romantically on a date or to a special event
    2. If the girl says she enjoyed the date ask her on a second one the same day
    3. On the dates treat her respectfully and don't do anything she doesn't want to do
    4. Don't be on your phone at all during the date (silence it)
    5. Continue asking the girl on dates, and then ask her to be your girlfriend once you really feel connected to this person
    6. Please also note that my answer may be invalid considering I'm 14
    7. Enjoy yourself, and good luck

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  • You are only 21. Relationships take time to develop and generally they just happen. Ask this question again if you are still single when you are 40...

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  • Society confused you a lot. Go on with you thinks is a long term relationahip to you

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  • With "a woman" you say. It will come naturally when you find the RIGHT woman, trust me.

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