Is money an issue when it comes to choosing the girl to date?

take for example a girl with an established career and is able to support herself comfortably and you, are still in school with very little income. Would you feel emasculated due to the financial imbalance? How can she get you to overcome this, or is there nothing she can say or do? Would you pass up this girl because of the situation?

Updates:
1mo Should I address this issue directly with him or would that make it worse?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Very emasculated, personally. Extremely insecure. Everyone knows women take income into account. Of course, women also look at trajectory; but not as many guys see that. So, if you make it clear that you greatly admire his trajectory or otherwise ambition, then perhaps he'll understand that he has value despite the income and establishment differential. So, emphasizing what you find valuable in him: or his *potential* for growth or future income.

    I think it could easily turn into a insecure-implosion. As in, "There's no way she actually wants me when she makes that much money and I make next to nothing." So, discontinued/avoided dating.

    Mmmm. I'm not sure if you should address it directly. I would think it'd be better to work it into the conversation subtly, unless it is a VERY big problem for him, in which case he will bring it up and you can talk frankly then, maybe.

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    • 1mo

      Excellent response! You are on point about trajectory. I think my guy has indirectly implied this previously but at the time, I wasn't aware of the income being such a big issue in his eyes.

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    • 1mo

      Let me ask you, would you be more flattered if a girl like the original question praised you for your ability to provide ($) or would you choose her admiration for your determination and smarts more?

    • 1mo

      Determination and smarts, of course.

What Guys Said 21

  • It's a matter of pride but not a debilitating one. (My wife and I have had a who-makes-more-money competition for all of our relationship.) There was a time she delivered pizza and made more than me. There was a time I worked a park district maintenance job and was winning by more than 2X. Those were some jobs we had in college. We both have great careers in computer science, so the contest rages on.

    In the situation you describe, it would definitely not prevent me from dating her. I would be sensitive to her lording her money over me. If that happened a lot, it would get old very quickly. I would be eager to compensate for it in other ways. If she let me do that, it would surely help. It's worth saying that it has nothing to do with gender; rather, a strong desire to pull my own weight (or more).

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  • No, thats absolutely no problem whatsoever. We're guys, not whores. If for nothing else, you will dump him at some point though because he doesn't have enough money. I guarantee this 100.0% I guarantee it on my own life. It will happen. You should therefor be straight with him, and tell him this, because its so likely, that it has already happened, and your relationship is just waiting to catch up with this event.

    Experience: Im from third world poverty, yet I have managed to have 6 longer-term girlfriends. 5 of them have dumped me just because of my poverty.

    Other sources: evolutionary biology/scientific research.

    Be honest with him early on.

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  • This is my situation with pretty much any woman I meet in my area lol. I really don't care, I'm the shit, and if she likes me then she likes me for a reason! Besides I AM in school, it's not like I'm a bum working at mcdonalds with no future. Besides my goal is to be a research scientist, I'm never gonna make as much money as all these girls I meet who are accountants and stuff like that. I couldn't care less about how much money I make, I want a career I LOVE and ENJOY so that I can be "HAPPY'' which is some shit that doesn't seem to exist in most peoples minds.

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  • Nope, not an issue to me, but the situation you are describing is so rare that I can't say I've ever heard of it happening. I don't know why a 30-35 year old career woman would choose a uni student to date, if she wants to have kids she better do it soon and he offers literally nothing to her.

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    • 1mo

      There are men in their 30s that are retired military soldiers that get paid to go to school. There are also men that have been laid off or lost a job and took the opportunity to go back to school.

    • 1mo

      @EpicureanHaven Yeah, but in both those examples those men had a paying job before going back. By their 30's you'd think they would at least have some decent amount saved up as to be able to draw a living income from the reserve.

    • 1mo

      Hahahaaaaa... do you know how much soldiers make? There's a reason there is a homeless veterans problem in the USA.

      There's many reasons why they may not have savings.

      But that's not the topic of this discussion.

  • Yes. I can't date a woman who is both more attractive and also more wealthier than me. She can be one of the two, but not both. I refuse to be dominated on all fronts... call me insecure. Whatever.

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  • Since I'm supporting my girlfriend, no, it wouldn't bother me. I like being the provider. It validates my role (honestly, it doesn't, but it makes me feel a little important, lol). I don't mind taking care of her. Other guys would disagree with me, possibly quite strongly. But why shouldn't I do what I want, and provide for her? It's my income. I choose how to spend it. Your situation is mine in reverse.

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    • 1mo

      The question isn't that you are providing for her, it's that you have no income and she does.

    • 1mo

      The situation is reversed. I have income and she doesn't. I provide for her because I want to; I took a third job to do it. But I'm a self admitted odd person. In a normal circumstance, I can see why he'd be uncomfortable. You need to make him feel relaxed about it, so he doesn't dwell on it.

  • Personally I would not as long as you remembered the difference ie didn't invite me to the opera and then expect me to pay for my ticket not that the opera is my thing personally.
    Id say try not to flaunt your wealth or make things more expensive for him and if he is really struggling he should really accept you helping him out a bit even though he may find this very difficult if he is the sort thats too proud to accept help.

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    • 1mo

      I agree with qwertyKitchen for me it's not gender related more wanting to feel like i was pulling my waight.

  • Yes I feel like she wouldn't respect me If she made more money and would also try to control me so yeah I would pass. Even if she was respectful and submissive I would still be comping with her all the time and would think of myself as a loser so yeah I would pass. It's unnatural to me.

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    • 1mo

      I think you just theorized the problem I have with men. Thank You.

      I never realized or thought men could or would feel this way.

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    • 1mo

      @EpicureanHaven Seems like you only go for guys who are below your level as in education, career etc. May be raise your standards a bit.

  • I wouldn't feel emasculated because of it, but I might assume she wouldn't be interested because most women want a guy who makes more than them.

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    • 1mo

      What can she say or do to have him overcome this guilt?

    • 1mo

      It's not guilty at all, it's just a justified acknowledgement of what women are like.

  • I was actually just in this situation and after she asked me about going on a date I think she just ghosted me lol.

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    • 1mo

      I'm not understanding how your answer relates to your question, please explain (:

    • 1mo

      I wanted to pursue a relationship with her the financial imbalance doesn't bother me but something obviously bothered her.

    • 1mo

      Okay, gotcha. Thanks for the explaination

  • How could I possibly know her financial situation?

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  • Nope wouldn't matter to me. I would be a student, so I can't expect to have the same levek of income. I would wonder how she was able to get an established career so quickly though, if I'm still in school.

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    • 1mo

      This issue? So he already mentioned he isn't comfortable with this arrangement?

  • Not really. But if I don't like you then there is 0 chance I will buy anything for you.

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  • Only if her tastes and interests are too rich for your blood.

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  • It would be difficult to over come, because it feels like your lease then her. But I would not let it break us up.

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  • tough if looking for serious dating. if just a casual fling then go for it.

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  • No way money is nothing for me

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  • Not really.
    As long as she didn't turn it against me.
    If a girl likes someone they are more likely to worry about how they feel than logical things like money and career. Thats why girls end up with guys that they maybe shouldn't be with.

    So as long as I felt like she cared about me and just played it cool I couldnt care less

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  • I'm okay with it, i don't care about money. BUT she should be the same, if i ever felt she feels high classy and stuff.. then nope..

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  • I never found a woman that makes more than me that would be interested in me but if I did I would need to know that directly that she doesn't care at all and wants me for me and how special my qualitys are to her so I wouldn't feel less of a man making less

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  • I would ask her if she would like to be the primary support for our future family and I spend more time at home taking care of the kids and doing housework. It is a little emasculating, but I like that because I prefer she is the more dominant one anyways.

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    • 1mo

      I think we have the opposite problem. I have a hard time finding a woman that is alright with the situation that you described and you have a hard time finding a man that is alright with it.
      It is just that for most of history the men were expected to be the providers, so that is what most people are used to.

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    • 1mo

      I think most guys would feel like they aren't worth much when not providing.
      Maybe you can ask him to help out around the house. Like give him specific tasks he could do and teach him how if he doesn't know how to do it right.
      Or maybe he could start growing a garden in the yard, or build cabinets for the kitchen, or something to make him feel like he is contributing in some way. Then he would feel like he has some value.

    • 1mo

      Those are great points to consider!

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