I found out my boyfriend was emotionally cheating on me.. what do I do?

i met my boyfriend in the city.. he was going to grad school for his masters and i dental hygiene. we have been dating a total of 11 months. in the begining he was kind and i felt we just clicked. then he made us exclusive and he's the one that said i love you first. a month or so went by and he was odd with his phone. im not stupid and ik if someone won't let you touch their phone its because somethings on it. anyhow i guess he had gone to a club and exchanged numbers.. i saw the convo it wasn't anything special and i deleted the number. months went by and he kept in contact with a previous girl he was seeing, she actually was in his program. i said to end it or we are done and through the crying and tears he did so. now he never knew i knew about the text message. so around aug he had taken me to his grandmothers up north... and the last night i brought it up.. i felt as though it was one of our worst fights... but we made up and were fine, i forgave him.. fast fwd to now. he will tell anyone who will listen he wants to marry me.. he tells his mom he needs me and w/o me his life would be meaningless. getting his masters was tough with the anxiety and stress but he just keeps saying its for his future family with me. now, he would still be weird with his phone. so i checked it while he was asleep and nothing... i was honestly soo relieved. i was kind of mad at myself for going on his phone. but then i thought fb... because whenever i sat beside him hed turn the screen away... and i saw it. a conversation with a girl he said was nothing... they went to highschool and she liked his photos. but i saw it.. it was from may and thinking about it hurts me sooo bad inside. im not a horrible girl, i dont drink, party, swear, do drugs, sleep around. the conversation went on to say they wanted to kiss eachother. he then deleted her off everthing and stopped all contact. I don't know what to do.. should i forgive him since now he's going to counselling? and he's deleted fb in fear ill leave.


1|0
13|11

Most Helpful Girl

  • How many times is he actually going to do this though?

    He dares to talk to other girls because he knows by crying and grovelling enough he can get away with it, especially after the number of chances of you've given him he's always going to think yes she'll give me another chance.

    Now it's your choice about what you want to do, and you know it.

    Either you leave him and it will hurt, and you will feel bad when he begs for you again (but that's his fault and it's because of his lack of faithfulness and integrity that he'll be facing such situation, and in my opinion the best way to teach him a lesson for the future - clearly the past several times didn't stop him)
    OR you can take him back and feel insecure until you can trust him 100% and not have to snoop around his phone or fb... but the question is will you ever be able to trust him like that again?

    As for myself, when someone breaks my trust, I can never feel the same way as I used to, no matter how much I want, I just can't bring myself to be the same as before with that person, and will feel insecure and the need to snoop around for as long as I am involved with that person.

    This is just my opinion though, it is really up to you. But I would never marry someone that has given me a reason to think otherwise... if he can't be faithful (regardless of if it's physically or emotionally) to me as a boyfriend then how can take a leap of faith and trust him to be faithful to me when we're married?

    Think about it rationally, don't get swayed by emotions because feelings change.

    Good luck, I hope you do right by you :)

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • You can't just go through someones phone and start deleting numbers and things. You're expecting him to cut off all contact with like every girl he knows and you're not giving him any space.

    Your whole way of thinking here is skewed I mean, you "forgave him?" I would be the one forgiving you. You can't have a relationship with no trust and the fact is, sometimes it doesn't feel comfortable to trust someone but you do it anyway because you're interested in having a ralationship with them. It's called an investment and when you check his phone all the time and delete conversations and get defensive, you are telling him that you aren't willing to make that investment of trust and that it's only a matter of time until you two are finished.

    And where is the love in that? That's not a loving relationship, it's tearing at the fabric of what makes one.

    It may not have been right for him to talk to that girl like that but how much of a relationship have you given him? You're the crazy one and he's going to counseling.

    2|1
    2|0
    • 1mo

      lol. its hard to write entirely my relationship in 2000 characters. when someome cheats on you... and youve invested everything into them you'll understand.

      and to answer what you said no.. i deleted a number he got from someone at a bar... and i do give him space...

      i understand its hard to fully understand because for starters you dont know me...

      i gave him space... i let him do what he wanted. i supported him through it all and was there. i invested my time/money when i had none. you wrote nonsense... because thats all from your perspective.

      im really only asking for piece of mind.. not to be bashed from someone like you.

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      thank you 😊

    • 1mo

      Good luck :)

  • God damn, why couldn't you be my gf? My girlfriend broke it off last week and I suspect it was because she felt guilty for emotionally cheating. You need to be careful with what you do with this guy. He seems so sleezy and it doesn't look like it's changing. Yea he says all that stuff now, but what about when two are having a fight? He'll probably just go back to his old ways. I recommend you study the power struggle stage. Google the 5 stages of a relationship. Just keep reading things like that and you'll eventually find what you're looking for :).

    1|0
    1|1
  • Go to counseling but give him a very tight reign. What happened will no just go away and the pain that this has caused will be with you, for maybe your whole relationship. He needs to stop lying, even if nothing "real" happened.

    This is like an Alcoholic, he can promise all he wants that he will stop drinking, but you need to be ready to leave if you smell it on him.

    Good luck this won't be easy.

    1|0
    0|0
  • see this is what happens when you snoop.

    0|1
    5|0
  • You did nothing wrong. You found out his acts behind your back, so now it's up to you to judge. Make your decision righteous.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I guess he was looking for someone less crazy.

    0|1
    2|0
  • I don't know. He sounds nice. It's odd that he's talking to a woman online about kissing. If I was REALLY in love, i probably wouldn't be talking to side girls. But that's just me. You should probably just play it cool for a while and hold off on any drastic decision for a couple of months and see how it goes. Could be nothing, could be a sign of a larger pattern.

    0|0
    0|0
  • find someone less ugly than him

    1|0
    0|0
  • you shouldn't be looking, and he's a dummy for not logging out

    0|0
    3|0
  • You are incredibly paranoid plus you had absolutely no right to go through his phone! That's a total breach of trust because you my dear have trust issues which turns into being possessive and controlling of your partner! Your relationship won't last!

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      i would agree with u

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      You know what you need to do because this is obviously eating you up.

    • 1mo

      He was bored with your relationship because obviously that spark between you two has gone and is no longer! This is human nature.

  • "emotionally" cheating?

    Cheating is cheating, regardless

    2|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      ur right

    • 1mo

      And as far as what you should do. Well, I don't care what you do, since it'll be up to you but, I always go by the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"

What Girls Said 12

  • In my dictionary that's called cheating... and I'm sorry but if I was to snoop on my fiance's phone and find out a conversation like that one, I would break up shit right there. Doesn't he has enough with me? dafuck!

    2|0
    0|0
  • I'll just say a woman knows when something not right or something's goin on.. go with your gut only you can decide what's best for you! Your young don't put up with anything less than what u deserve!

    1|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      thank you lady 😚 honestly i couldnt agree more. men think were stupid... we always find out.

  • I don't think his actions are in anyway right - to me anything you wouldn't comfortably do in front of your partner is a form of cheating and if you're not ok with what you found and can't move passed it then I'd consider ending the relationship.
    HOWEVER I also believe that your insecurity and emotional manipulation when he does something you're unhappy with (being friends with someone from his program) will continue to be a huge problem. You forgave him for keeping in contact with a previous girlfriend he goes to school with? You deleted phone numbers from his phone without telling him? Just because you don't do drugs or party doesn't make you a good girlfriend, there are much worse traits to have

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      they were sleeping together.. i deleted a number he got from a girl in a club... again i know i wasn't right for going through his phone... but if ur so did that... ud be upset too. dont bash me for who i am... i am a good girl and not an emotional manipulator.

    • 1mo

      i dont even know why i should defend myself. u aren't worth my time when u spout nonsense the way u are.

    • 1mo

      I'm not saying you aren't justified in being upset, I'm saying there are bigger problems then him texting other females and you have a part to play in them.
      Not once have you mentioned he was sleeping with them while he was with you, if he's sleeping with other women then why are you still there?

      I'm actually not bashing you, I'm speaking from experience in this exact same situation. It took years to fix my relationship and 90% was because of my trust issues. You obviously just want people to tell your that your right and justified, even though many people have had the same response as me so good luck with it all 👍🏻

  • Unlike what quite a few Americans think not drinking, swearing , partying and going to church every Sunday does not make you a saint. You can do all of the above moderately ( plus have tattoos) and be a perfectly decent person. You should apologize to your boyfriend for breaching his privacy. His life does not revolve around you , he is a separate human being perfectly entitled to his own private life.

    1|1
    1|1
    • 1mo

      okay. i would agree with that. also if he hadn't make it exclusive then i would... i didn't persue him. so no im not apologizing for him cheating on me...

  • It reall sounds like your boyfriend is insecure, I think he is missing something out from you which he finds in the girl. Since he have anxiety abd stressI thnk you should give him a chance and no more one chance. Maybe ask him why he is telling the girl that he wants to kiss her and so on because that doesn't sound normal to me. I mean why would he tell a girlt hat he wants to kiss her when he is IN a relationship with you? It hink you two should sit alone and talk in peace and tell each others about how you feel. Its really important to show your partner how you are feeling.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You guys have no business talking about marriage. He's a sleaze and youu are terribly insecure. I think both of you are wrong.

    1|0
    0|0
  • There's no trust. Leave him.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think you should forgive him. He's constantly finding ways to cheat on you.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Gives out numbers to girls, talks to ex, has some other girl on fb, seriously... when do you draw the line and walk away? Like how much can a man do before you understand he's not in the relationship how you are so you should walk away?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just like the newest change in gag that just now rid of this awful video feature here, Rid of him.
    He is Not ready nor raring to be in this relationship.
    Bid him goodbye and don't cry. You can do better.

    1|0
    0|0
  • why would he be with someone who doesn't trust him and goes through his phone? you're wrong, not him. you're disrespectful and childish. the fact he had to shut down fb bc of you is ridiculous. he can have friends regardless of sex

    0|0
    2|0
    • 1mo

      Tbh he shouldn't be talking about meeting other girls and kissing them... if he can't control himself from flirting and cheating online then either he ends this relationship or stops doing foolish things online, he chose the latter that's his choice, not the askers.

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      all i wanted was answers. thats all. :( not to be bashed.

  • My brother's girlfriend accused him of emotionally cheating with me but the truth is he actually is getting me to jerk him off because she won't give him no play at all which is sad.

    0|0
    2|0
Loading...