How to get dating experience? Insecure?

So I am 24 years old.

I have never dated, kissed, had intercourse, or even talked to that many girls.

I really don't have a clue what I am doing, I'm not sure how to date, what is expected, and maybe I have the wrong ideas?

I thought you like a girl, start a conversation and then ask her to get a coffee or something and date and get to know each other better... But Online dating has not worked out for me, girls in public are very shy/scared to talk to strangers and the girls I like just tend to like attention, drink and party... Which is good because now I can detect that right away, and I hate drinking and partying..

I don't know much, but people say it's just easier to get a friends with benefits these days and be mean slob.

I get really insecure because most if not all girls my age have had sex and have had a boyfriend or two. So I can't get either...

I am at zero experience, and girls want a guy who knows what he is doing and what he wants... but I can't get experience without getting a girl. It's a catch 22.

I mean I focus on work, myself, and I keep being told it will happen one day, focus on yourself, etc.

But it's not, and I don't think I will ever attract a girl. I am decent looking, girls (as friends) who get to know me think I am sweet, amazing, and I make them feel good. But these are just online friends.

I guess I don't really need a partner in this world, but I do want one. It would be nice to cuddle with a girl, talk, go on dates with, go to the park, hikes, make each other better people.

I would think people are naturally drawn to good people, and no girls are drawn to me, and my teacher was saying that people want to be with the person with the best DNA. So maybe naturally my DNA is not good?

Updates:
1mo When a girl already has a boyfriend...

I just feel like second choice, she already knows dating and sex...

And she expect me to be better than her, but I'm not.

She's going to think I am a loser, no other girl has wanted me and there is something wrong with me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • At this point you need to figure out what is it you really look for. What is your purpose for dating? What are you looking for? You really don't sound like you have an idea about 'girls'. Note every girl is the same. And sadly guys like you can and will get rejected with that way of thinking.

    First of all, you are very insecure with not only with people, but with life. What is your belief's first of all? Do you honestly believe that experience is the best teacher? Because I can guarantee you that its not.

    Secondly, what are you intentions for dating in the first place? See there are those who are fit for dating and others who are not. Just some are designed for marriage, and plenty who aren't designed for marriage. I'm your age, never dated, is still a virgin, with no romance or ever been kissed romantically. But the difference between you and I is this: I KNOW what I want and need. And its not a relationship or sex, let alone a boyfriend. You have to understand what a relationship in modern day dating entitled. It may go against your believes, and it can compromise you in general. If your not prepared to sacrifice that, its best to stay single.

    Also, who cares if they think your a loser. Those are the type of girls you do avoid. You focus on somebody who is interested in you genuinely. You are not going to fit for every girl. Some are conservative, others are liberal. Some are religious, others are not. Some believe in God, others don't. Some want to wait for marriage to have sex, and plenty do not or even care. Some want virgins, others want experience, and some can care less. Some want a person with no experience, and you get those who do want experience. See, this is what you need to understand. Not everybody will take kindly to your views morals or beliefs. You could have lost your virginity to anybody. But this was your choice to keep it. So I will ask again: WHAT are YOU looking for?

    While your teacher is correct on the natural aspects of genealogy and such. We are in fact attracted to that, especially to ones who are similar to our own genetics, but also a bit different and healthy as well. However, don't let this be a lust thing. Most of what you see is lust and dysfunctional people getting themselves involved with the wrong people. Hurting and using each other and call it 'love'. You need to know what real love is. You either have it or you don't. Also. You must be already happy on your own without a girlfriend.

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    • 1mo

      Nobody is going to be attracted to miserable people, who lack confidence and is showing desperation. Your not not healthy and stable mentally. Change your attitude. Figure those questions out first before you start pursuing somebody.

      Trend carefully. Some are not going to date you if they already hear and see that you two don't click or have things in common. Such as wanting to get married and having kids as an example. Also, the views on premarital sex is EXTREMELY important. As I said before, you will come across somebody who will not have sex before marriage. If you can't deal with that, then don't continue the relationship hoping you will get something out of them sexually. The key word is respect. And don't be fake. People who are good at detecting deception will view it as dishonesty, and will immediately demand to know why you are being deceitful and will view it as a major red flag. Be upfront. Everything is a test. You either qualify or you don't.

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    • 1mo

      "nobody is going to be attracted to miserable people, who lack confidence and showing desperation" that's especially true if you are a guy

    • 1mo

      I know, I don't show desperation but I do lack confidence... That's just who I am... It's hard to change myself.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe try to fake it until you make it.

    Try to act confident even tho you don't feel it and avoid admitting to girls how inexperienced you are.

    You're stuck in a loop where you are insecure due to your lack of experience and you are perceived as unnatractive to women due to your insecurity and lack of experience.

    Unfortunately being an insecure virgin is potentially the most unnatractive thing a guy can be to a woman. Women will try to lie and say they dont care but realistically most find it unnatractive if a guy is virgin. Girls often accuse guys of being virgins just as a way to insult them. It is almost always used with a negative connotation. You kinda have to get lucky to break out of the cycle, but once you do it should become increasingly easier for you.

    Its the same with jobs, getting the first one is often the hardest, but once you get that work experience on your resume the followings ones should be easier to get.

    Assuming you are actually attractive then your personality is probably the limiting factor.

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    • 1mo

      Exactly I am so stuck in this loop, and as I get older I get more stuck!

      I am decent looking, so maybe it's my personality?

What Girls Said 2

  • Keep your chin up, honey... You are not a loser, and you do not have bad DNA...

    You are wrong about people being attracted to good people... if anything, most of us are afraid of them... We gravitate towards what feels familiar, and a lot of times that isn't healthy... You sound like a very healthy person, and I warn you about falling into the "nice guys finish last" syndrome...

    This might sound crazy, but if you're really that insecure, maybe you could ask a close female friend of yours to teach you how to kiss? And honestly, you sound like a good guy who will date a good girl... there is a chance your future partner will be a virgin and not know anything about sex either. Not all women are that concerned about you being experienced—learning is half the fun. Some of my favorite memories are the flukes I had in bed, and we just laughed it off... Learning together builds intimacy... Always remember that. Not every girl is the same, and you will always have to learn your partner 😊

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    • 1mo

      You sound like you really have yourself put together—you have a job, and apparently are doing very well for yourself. Women love that. Work with your strengths, you actually have a lot.

      And do not be afraid to approach women in person. Dating websites are a fail for a lot of people... a lot of them aren't even real people, they're bots. Don't be afraid to get to know a woman and ask her. Women are often wary of strangers, so don't worry about getting their digits... What about friends of friends? Work colleagues? Joining a work-out class? Network. They will be MUCH more friendly inside of a context, rather than on the street.

      You have so much going for you. Please don't give up just because you think you should know more than you do. Honestly, I wish I had your purity sometimes... being experienced often means you are broken and learned those things early to fill the void 😕

    • 1mo

      I don't have any close female friends :(

      What do you mean nice guys finish last syndrome?

      I am nice by nature, but I don't expect anything in return.

      I would love to date a good girl, it would be awesome if she was a virgin or had the same amount of experience as myself at the time... But I'm scared that won't happen, so I feel like I should be dating, having sex now so I don't regret it later.

      I am a good guy, I have a good job, might go back to school to change things up. I work hard, I am responsible, I don't really drink ( Once in a while), I never do drugs, I dislike partying... I'd rather explore nature, travel, watch the sunset, go star gazing, go cruising at night in a convertible, make out under the stars...

      I guess I have to give up dating sites, it seems like a great place to meet shy people, but girls get too many messages and don't make a huge effort unless you are hot.

      I tried networking, but nobody could help me out

      I might have to give up? If nobody wants me

    • 1mo

      I hope you don't give up and just have sex... I really don't. Purity is a rare thing now days... I'd hold onto it if I were you...

      What I mean by "nice guys finish last" is, you seem like the kinda guy who could get taken advantage of, because you really don't expect anything in return. I hope you don't settle just so you can have a girlfriend :/

      Why don't you try practice talking to girls on G@G. One of my friends has done it, and he says he feels a little more confident. A lot of the people are cool, and they are all human 😅

  • there's nothing wrong with you. To some people that may be actually a good thing. chicks dig good guys too.

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    • 1mo

      I can't find these girls anywhere :(

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    • 1mo

      No I meant strangers in their head think that "Why are you talking to me?" When you small talk them lol

      But thanks xD

    • 1mo

      oh 😂
      yea it is pretty messed up how rude people can be

What Guys Said 1

  • Write nice messages to lots of girls on a dating site. Women are nice... most women are nice. Always keep your cool, don't obsess over a girl, and just be polite and kind. One will scope you up. Write us an update in 3 months! Luck!

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    • 1mo

      I have been on online dating sites for 1.5 years now, I have had one date and a handful of conversations.

    • 1mo

      Ask more girls out quicker.

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