Isn't it an unspoken rule that you do not go after your friends' previous love interests? Or no?

I'm in college (last year thank the lord), and I have not slept around at my school or dated really anyone because I'm picky and kinda like older men anyways. Buut end of last year (march) I met a guy, we hung out for 2 weeks before I told him I wasn't interested in more than friendship. We had made out, some other stuff, but never sex, even though he tried a few times. He became really obsessed with me, almost stalker like behavior that made me actually paranoid and scared. He also messaged me weird things late at night. He sent me "I love you, being with you was the happiest I had been ever."
Since then, this year we talked and I told him I still only want to be friends and he seemed to accept it.. but now his friends are after me. They aren't best friends but one is his 2nd good friend and he started messaging me and sent flirty messages and snaps of him shirtless in bed, and he has asked to hang out with me. Another guy who is kinda friends with him has asked me out a couple weeks ago too. I thought it was an unspoken rule that you don't go after someone who your friends 1) dated and felt strongly for, or 2) just really felt strongly for. This guy was obsessed with me (waiting outside my door to talk to me, buying me gifts, etc). What's up with these dudes?
furthermore, I'm interested in another different friend of his... so do I have fair game? I always thought if I went after his friends I'd look thirsty and hoe-ish.


0|0
7|15

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, you've had tons of feedback on this already, but I'll toss mine in as well just to add to the rest. Personally, I wouldn't go anywhere near him (or his friends). Why? Duh. Cause they're *his* friends. You don't think he won't be there, somewhere, in the background. Anything and everything that happens between you will go straight back to him. They'll pass you around like a blunt at a party, if you'll forgive my frankness. Personally, I'd never look at any of my previous GF's friends as dating material, whether they were or not doesn't matter. It's fruit from the poisoned tree.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know if it's an 'unspoken rule' so much as just... common courtesy, if you care about your friend anyway. So ultimately, I suppose it just comes down to how much someone values their friendship. Generally speaking, I would say it's not cool for someone to go after one of their close friends' former love interest.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 14

  • "All's fair in love and war".

    There are no rules, spoken or otherwise.

    1|0
    0|0
  • It is an unspoken rule!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yeah you wouldn't really mess with a person who your friend had strong or even just normal feelings for it's not really considerate. Nobody likes to actually see their ex moving on, much less of having to picture their friend with their ex. Not really cool at all...

    0|0
    0|0
  • There is no such rule and anybody who would come to me saying that would instantly stop being my friend. I don't care who you are. You don't tell me who I can or cannot date.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 1mo

      Really?

    • Show All
    • 1mo

      @Daynada No, not at all. I thought YOU were when you said. "I was being nice". This is getting confusing lol. Well, I am not offended at anything (I can hardly be offended period)

    • 1mo

      @JuicyBrain oh good 😊 I'm glad you're not offended. That makes me happy!
      It was getting confusing... right! 😂
      Are your goggles actually yellow? I like that.

  • It's an unspoken rule if you want to be governed by what others wanted in life without your consideration.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It pretty much is. At least you tell your friend prior to avoid any drama and stress.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah most definitely unless you don't wanna be friends with that person anymore.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No. It's fair game.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's a rule, buttt, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. The proper thing to do though, is to ask your friend if you can go after them. They may say yes, or they may so no, and they may even lie, but, at least you'll know how they feel about it, ya know?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah. It's part of the Bro code.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yes... pretty sure it is...

    0|0
    0|0
  • Generally it is a bad idea.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think this rule only comes in effect when they've actually shared something together.
    Otherwise the rule is more of a: You need to ask your bro if it is okay. To which he doesn't really have a good reason to say no since you made it clear it will only be friendship.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • Maybe not everyone's unspoken rule , but it's mine. I'd never cross that friendship boundary

    My loyalties always lie with my friends. I'd never put my friends in such an uncomfortable position.

    1|0
    0|0
  • For me its simple - the significant exes of friends I see regularly are off limits. Guys they dated casually are fair game, provided they get positive recommendations :).
    With regards to friends of an ex, casual friends that he occasionally hangs out are fine. Best friends and people that are in his close circle are not.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Just tell them that they are making you feel awkward and for them to please stop. If they don't, you will refuse to see them

    1|0
    0|0
  • First up I'm fan of the "no going where friends have been" rule, only exception for me (if I want to keep them as friends) is to see if their ok with it before making a move.
    Secondly, those two guys sound like massive creepoes!! Seriously creepy. Waiting for you outside your building and sending you texts that they love that you're together? Ah, no. Just no.
    Do you really want to date a friend of theirs when they would have a bigger chance of hanging around?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't really listen to that rule much.. I'll ask if it's alright and if they approve I'd date him that's it.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no it's not an unspoken rule if you feel a type of way about someone then go for it don't let the fact that it's your friends ex get in the way of that feeling because just because it didn't work out for her or him doesn't technically mean that it won't work out for you so go for it

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...