My gut is trying to tell me to be careful, but I don't know how or why?

I have been dating this guy for 4 months now. He ended a 7 year relationship back in May and he was heartbroken (Which you would be. Not doubting that at all) and he isn't over her at all.

I was just going with the flow and seeing as 'nothing serious' as I just wanted to have fun! We have been on holiday with each other, well, long weekend away and he was the one who wanted to meet my parents as his parents and family wanted to meet me which I found a bit weird as it was never really discussed what we were. Every time I had asked he said 'getting to know each other' and has said 'You are not a rebound', but my gut says I am slightly. He still talks about his ex and the other day he was talking to my mum and said 'I lived with my girlfriend'. He still talks about her, but says he only does as he as I ask questions. Which I do but only because he talks about her. I didn't mind as it is a lot of his life, but he it is starting to irritate as he now repeating stories about her.

I wasn't worried until he asked me 'Are you paranoid about this relationship?' and then said 'my friends wouldn't just see you as just my girlfriend, they would see you as a person'. I don't know why I am getting so worried. He is really nice (bit of a know it all) and sees me every weekend. I've got to the point now I'm overthinking everything. I have tried to ask questions but he avoids them and brings it back to another story (which isn't relevant)

I am also worried I am pushing him and/ or he is pushing himself when he isn't over her. His friends know about me, aside from 1 who is his ex's best friend... he seems to be avoiding telling her.

My gut says he hasn't been single in so long, and not over his ex, he is trying to recreate what he had with me, but me going with the flow is making it worse. I don't know if to back off or to try and ask more...

More of a rant than a question... but opinions would be grateful :)


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What Guys Said 2

  • i think the ex's freind who doesn't know about you could open up some some doors for you. i mean it all sounds kind of odd. i would some how
    do a little bit of cloak and dagger without him knowing and see why it is this ex's freind doesn't know about you.

    i mean if its a girl it could be he has her as a side girl who he will never give up or some other crazy thing. if its a guy he might let you know more than you wanted to about the guy your with.

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    • 1mo

      Oh the ex best friend is a girl. I should of stated that. Opps!

    • 1mo

      its fine dont worry but i would some how get in contact with her even if its through a friend of hers you might know she might hold some answers for you he doesn't want you to find out about.

  • Listen to your gut, period. Then weigh the evidence too.

    Being a "rebound" does not automatically mean that you don't matter or that your relationship won't work out, but it does sound like you are the person helping him to get over his ex.

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    • 1mo

      Setting myself up for heartbreak here D':

    • 1mo

      When you open your heart, you are always setting yourself up for heartache, but it is the only way to find happiness too.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think your gut is right... You might be good enough he would date you as a non-rebound (like if you two met in a year after him being healed and single), but your setting yourself up for some serious heartache because of your timing...

    Are you willing to wait to see if he gets over his ex? It sounds like he likes you, but really hasn't taken the essential time to heal... That's not a you or him thing—that's a timing thing...

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    • 1mo

      I think what also was an alarm bell was he wouldn't add me on FB but when he did he kept showing me pictures of them together... Setting myself up for heartbreak.

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    • 1mo

      Give him some grace... he sounds really hurt and scared right now...

    • 1mo

      You might need to talk to him about this...

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