Girls, how many of you feel that since you put lots of effort into your appearance for a date, that is why a man should pay?

Do there is this mentality out there among some women that since they are putting lots of time and money into makeup and how they look for a first date, that means the guy should be the one paying for the dinner.

Girls do you feel this way?

Guys how do you feel about this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG lol. That is so Incredibly stupid. I'm so shocked how anyone could think like that. Women are not forced into looking good and you don't have to fucking pay someones food just because they put effort into their appearance. Most women try their best to look amazing because we want to impress the guy we're with. ( at least i do) . Maybe, this question isn't for me since i am totally not ok with making men pay on dates just because he's a man. You should pay for your own food. Sorry but i'm not a leech or whatever you call it. anyway, that's all i'm saying. No , no and no!

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    • 1mo

      The question is dumb innlogical terms, but I did have an argument with a young girl that made a big deal saying that "since she buys bras, panties, has pelvic exams, and gets her nails done", that men SHOULD pay for the meal since she and other women do these things.

    • 1mo

      @Abe90 Was it a girl on here? cause i do know of one girl in particular who keeps arguing that

    • 1mo

      Yea lol

Most Helpful Guy

  • I call BS on this - What if a guy gets a haircut and buys a new outfit, should the girl pay - What do you do, compare preparation receipts before the date to assign costs?

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    • 1mo

      Haha. The accountant in me is dying right now. "Waiter, a calculator and notepad please. So, let's start with the capitalized cost of my education, which made for such excellent conversation tonight. Below that, the cost of travel, which made for more interesting banter than your inquiries into my opinions about what happened on the Voice last night. Oh, and the car, which of course you will not admit, but studies show the impression it makes on a mind with a larger than average amygdala. Now, the price of the home is debatable, but without it, it would be rather pointless to be on this date at all. I mean, if things take off, where would we go? A public bathroom or the backseat of someone's car? You need to see that this cat has his shit together and Instagram about it and gossip about it to your friends as you savor in feeling their envy. Then, there's the piano and voice lessons, aikijujutsu and BJJ, and gym membership. Let's take a break, your turn."

    • 1mo

      Thanks for MHO

What Girls Said 68

  • I disagree with this. I was taught in a traditional setting. A guy asking her out, then he is offering to pay or should pay. When he pays, he is investing in you to show interest. However not many people are for tradition and is against tradition. Either for good reasons or bad reasons. 9/10x both men and women take advantage of each other. And that is understandable. I understand the concept of equal pay on dates if your going to a place that requires money. However. What I do not like is how nowadays men are expecting women to offer to pay her half on 1st dates. At this point for myself is one of my main reasons for never dating. If I wanted to go somewhere and pay for my meal or something, I rather go by myself like I did when I first started working. I went to the movies by myself, ate by myself, shopped by myself, etc. And I enjoy it. I love the time with friends too. But even when I went out with friends and paying came into mind, it was just as awkward. But if I ever had dated for the 1st time, and somebody asked me out and this came into the picture to the point I had to pay for my meal. Unless I offer, I think I would not continue the relationship. He will be the same way for every date if we don't get anywhere.

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    • 1mo

      -tall
      -smart
      -likes hiking
      -pays for our dates
      It just seems trivial compared to many other important factors in a partner to me.

  • No, I don't ever think the man should pay. It's a ridiculous notion to say that because I (and most other females) put in 'more effort' to look good, that men should pay for us. That's basically likening ourselves to prostitutes. Which, I don't know about others, but doesn't sound too ideal to me.

    The whole norm of men paying comes from times when women weren't allowed to have an income of their own. Obviously circumstances have since changed, hence, so have my expectations. If I want to be treated as an equal, I'm going to take on equal responsibilities.

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  • No I don't feel that way. I only feel that since I am putting effort into my appearance they should do the same. Like it's common etiquette to shower before a date, wear clean clothes, that kind of stuff. I don't expect a guy to pay for a date at all.

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  • Isn't it a choice though for women? You don't have to do all of that, but they kind of still do? So if you wanted to look good, you did it because you wanted to look whatever you felt like during that moment.. Not to get reimbursed at the end of the date. It's not the point of the date anyways.

    What about guys? When my mates go on a date they're all like "Well I can't wear those shoes with that pattern shirt. Man I need a plain shirt. MOOKYYY!! Can you iron my shirt for me! What cologne should I wear?" guys take effort into looking good aswell. It's not a one way street.

    So in the end. Just split the bill. Why is it so complicated? It doesn't need it be peopleeess 😒

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  • Lol, no that's ridiculous. Me looking pretty doesn't mean I should get things for free. That's like thinking all the Olympians should get gold medals because they worked really hard...

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  • I don't feel this way.

    If I have bitchy-ass eyeliner on, neon hair and my boobs perfectly in place it's because I wanted to feel like a bad ass that day.

    Not because I want you to pay for my steak. I made the decision to go through all of this effort for my own personal satisfaction, you owe me not a thing sir.

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  • Haha, no, I don't feel that way at all. I'm fine splitting the bill or paying for my own food. If he really wants to, cool, but I wouldn't expect it.

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  • No, I believe it's the 21st century and dates can go Dutch and split the check. Or, whoever asks, should pay. Since most guys are the ones who ask most of the time, some may still think this unfair but. In my experience, guys view a women too easy or they find offense if they aren't the one asking first. I normally try to let the guy ask to be polite and offer to pay for something on the first date be it dessert, my own coffee, popcorn, etc.

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  • I don't put in the effort into my appearance exclusively for my date, a lot of it is so *I* can feel good about myself too. And besides, the guy is putting effort into his appearance too.
    I've never expected the man to pay and never will, I'm a firm believer in splitting the bill. But, if either sex insists on paying, that's fine as well.

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  • Honestly, no. I'd put time and effort into my looks to make myself feel better. If seeing me dolled up makes him happy, then yay! I actually hate when people buy me stuff, hence why I am into more practical type dates (picnics, drive-in movies, etc.) If he offers, great, but I always put up a little bit of a fight so that he knows I'm not helpless.

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  • I think people should do what they want. If a guy wants to pay for me (like the guys I usually date do - they're older, successful guys who take a traditional view of dating) I'm happy for them to do so. I don't take advantage but I like to be wined and dined. If he doesn't want to pay that's also fine!

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  • My current boyfriend payed for us on our first date. He offered to pay and that was that. No big issue. I don't feel less or more of a women for him doing so. I guess i am more traditional in that it was a lovely gesture that my boyfriend offered to pay, but i don't expect it from him.

    I am amazed as to how serious this topic is online. I think men and women should loosen up about who pays... i mean a date is so much more than who pays. You get to spend time with someone... that should be the focus.

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    • 1mo

      I think the reason why it's such a big issue is because women still want the gesture of a man paying for the first date and men are against it because they're afraid of being used for a free meal. Not all of course but a lot.

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    • 1mo

      @dontknow12 ever since that girl came out saying she was using online dating as a free meal ticket and entertainment lol

    • 1mo

      @BertMacklinFBI I think I remember which girl you're talking about and that put many guys on alert making them paranoid lol.

  • No, I've seen that opinion on here from girls, and I disagree with it. I put effort into my appearance to look good. I pay for my own though. Having someone pay for me makes me uncomfortable. I'm a big girl and I've been taking care of myself for years.

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  • I feel that whomever does the asking should pay, and now that we have gender equality, that it's totally appropriate for a woman to ask a man out!

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  • Nope, I'd much rather split so each person pays for themselves. Whenever someone else pays for me it makes me feel awkward & like I owe them and I hate that feeling.

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  • I have never once thought that way. Never even crossed my mind. I dress nice to feel confident. And the man paying isn't a tradition that shows he respects you and wants to take care of you. I always offer to pay but I really like tradition so if he wants to pay, he can.

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  • I feel like I can carry some of the weight... guys I'm dating don't make enough to support me. We live in the 21st century. He can pay for the first one, but I'd really be more comfortable paying for myself...

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  • Whether a guy pays or not has nothing to do with how much effort a girl puts into getting ready. If I put extra effort into looking good, it's not for the benefit of my date. A little extra attention to my appearance might give me a bit of a confidence boost, but thats for me. No guy is going to truly appreciate a perfect wingliner.
    On the matter of who pays, my default rule is everyone pays for their own. With a date, I understand that some guys prefer to be a bit more traditional and insist on paying the bill. No big deal; however, if a girl doesn't feel comfortable with her date paying, don't force it. It all comes down to what both parties decide on.

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  • I often feel guilty when someone tries to pay stuff for me so they would have a difficult time trying to pay for me.

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  • I expect a guy to pay if he's the one that asked me out. Simple as that. I always bring money just in case... But whoever asks - should pay.

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  • It's not because how I look, I feel like he should pay because he wants too. I only dealt with one man who did not want to pay for dates. I was a little slow on the uptake, but I figured out he was using me. Either way most guys don't have problem wish paying for dates I feel.

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  • I don't feel that way. I expect a man to pay because that's generally what happens, but I'm more than ready to pay my own way if he doesn't want to. But if I get super dolled up, I want some kind of compliment.

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  • Seems kinda silly.

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  • I don't think a man should pay. If he offers, that's one thing, but I'd come expecting to pay my half of the bill.

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  • Everyone should pay for what they order or half and half. Guys used to pay when women didn't work so they didn't have money. Letting a guy pay for the dinner is taking feminism ages behind. Although it is acceptable if they agree that next time it will be on her.

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  • I don't think so. For one I am not Uber conscious about my looks
    When I was going out with this guy we always split. Even if I did care more about my looks, I wouldn't expect him to pay on first date or any other date for that matter.

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  • No that's dumb

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  • nope. no way! its a trap.

    i think he should put in equal effort to hi body and we should pay for ourselves.

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  • I'd tell her to wear a garbage bag dress then so she could forget all that nonsense. I don't mind them paying for me, but I'd rather go dutch.

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  • Lol I've never felt like that. Never had a problem paying for my own food... it's nice if he pays for me but I don't expect it.

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  • More from Girls
    38

What Guys Said 27

  • I don't think thats a good reason.

    First off, the things a woman wears on a date are likely things she already owned. Its not like she went out and bought them exclusively for the first date for you. Furthermore, women always jam it down our throats that they do NOT dress or wear make up for men. They do it for themselves so why should we be compensating them for something they chose to do for themselves?

    Lastly, they are not consistent with this expectation. The same woman who may expect you to pay for her half of the date because you're the guy has likely sent nude pictures and/or had sex with guys who never spent a dime on her.

    That's just ridiculous to me. Like they are fine sending naked pictures to or hooking up wiht some guy they met on tinder who literally did nothing for them and now all of a sudden I am not even going to get a second date unless I pay for her half. No, fuck off. If a girl is going to lose interest in you just for wanting to split the bill then she probably wasn't all that interested in you in the first place. She didn't lose interest in the guys on tinder for not spending money on them.

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  • I like to give in general. I prefer to give than receive most of the time. I think of paying for a date as a gesture of showing desire or interest in the person so naturally I like the idea of paying. I want to feel like a girl wants me too though. I don't like paying for a date as being a necessary requirement or the guy is bad or has a bad character or would be bad in a relationship. I would like the girl to show desire too and not just expect that from me. I do not think of wearing make up that she probably wears most days regardless as showing interest.

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  • That's like the stupidest excuse I've ever heard... no wonder why only stupid girls use it.
    So I guess a guy can look like a bum, right? XD

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  • yeah if a guy works out and takes care of his skin he puts A LOT more money and effort into his appearance than than she does, girls dont understand the sacrifice it takes to get good looking arms and a six pack, and all the rest of a good looking body for that matter. all the dieting and working out that goes into it, they never think about all the hard work that goes into it. yeah sure, they love you when the end results are there but otherwise you dont see them., i know its not required but lets be honest here, make up that women put on is not required either. men shave too, men moisturize their skin too, some men even wear concealer or whatever other make up.

    therefore this argument that a man must pay for a womans beauty is bullshit. a good looking man puts more effort into his appearance than a good looking woman.

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  • I think girls who feel this way don't understand that all that preparation she does she can use for 10 guys. While us guys don't get to spend that money from our date on 10 other girls lol.

    But it doesn't matter. I don't automatically pay for the first date anyways.

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  • It is entirely the woman's choice to overdo on her appearance - that should not merit the expectation for the man to pay.

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  • I'm totally fine with it.

    Even though I put as much or more effort into looking good, in addition to planning it all out, getting my car washed, other details, etc. etc. I want to pay the first date.

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  • Paying for the date is an old school standard that's meant to prove to the woman that we (1) have money, (2) are willing to give her priority.

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  • that's bullshit. saying we should pay because they put a lot of effort into their looks implies that we don't.

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  • I've never met a woman who expressed this sentiment.

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    • 1mo

      So... are you calling me a liar or something? i have heard women say shit like this

    • 1mo

      I'm not making any statements to the veracity of your words, I'm just saying that I've never personally met anyone who expressed it, and that I take the words of youtubers with a grain of salt.

  • Feel about what? Cause they need all that make up to be better looking than they really are !! How's make up going to make them look better , if thier not all that anyway. So you want me to pay for a fake girl. Guess what.. I do relationships and marriage, but I don't date.. ever. Don't need to date. And yes you can do this quite easy. Better for both.

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  • I've heard this argument before. Personally I think it's bullshit, but yes, there certainly are women who think like that.

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  • I have literally never heard this in real life, it's internet BS.

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    • 1mo

      Maybe you don't "hear" it or experience it "outwardly" expressed. The same way that women don't "hear" or experience a constant stream of "outward expression" of all the thoughts, ideas and opinions that men have about women (as they share those opinions in private with other men).

      There is a private female subculture, just as much (if not more so) than there is a private male subculture.

      What this girl is saying is definitely discussed among women, and it's "mild" compared to how women talk about dating and men.

      "Entitlement" doesn't really do any justice to how they talk about dating and men. In public, in front of men, in front of women they're not cool with, they're very PG-13, ready for the camera, PR friendly for the court of public opinion. Not too many women have an "I don't give a fuck what people think of me" attitude.

      "Honesty is who you are when nobody is watching." Don't assume you know how women feel based on what they outwardly express in public.

  • Someone read the mytake xD

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  • thats really crap, if any girl thinks like that.

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  • lies lies no women hates free stuff

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  • I think thats a stupid idea.

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  • No way.

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  • But so does a guy lol.

    I would want to pay personally to make it date like. Though I remember seeing something about if girls expect you to pay, well then guys should expect sex on the first date haha.

    I have a question about women's behaviour and who they would give sex fast to, can u help? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2149531-do-women-let-some-men-get-away-with-more-see-description-first

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  • i will pay if she gets my dick wet later

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  • She has to look and blow good in order for me to pay

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  • Well every time I go the girls pay the whole bill then again she Dosent have a choice because I leave before it even comes

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  • Are you talking about the Take I wrote on men paying for the first date? I didn't say that's exactly why men should pay- just that there are unsaid things each gender does in the dating world. You can't point out and go tit for tat on things. I did this, so you do this... no, you go with your gut.
    & if your gut tells you not to pay her half, don't.

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    • 1mo

      nope, there was another take that said this written by a girl, and there's a youtube vid i saw where a girl was saying this too

  • That's silly. I don't want her putting so much effort into her appearance like that.

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  • Take them swimming. See the truth.

    img.buzzfeed.com/.../...ced-30054-1452963451-1.png

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  • Why you ask? aren't you single?

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  • Well if that's true then the whole "We do it for ourselves" is a lie.

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