I'm married but I'm falling for my coworker?

I've been extremely unhappy with my marriage to an abusive husband who violently hits me and mentally harrasses me. I would go to work and get home and sleep in my car just to avoid seeing him because he would always scream at me for no reason. He's a monster. I'm pretty sure he has some sort of mental problems. We're not divorced mainly because we lived in government funded apartment and we're not eligible for it without being married, and I can't afford living anywhere else.
I went through a series of depression for 2 years then something miracle happens. My coworker, that guy that makes me look forward to go to work! We never verbally admit there's an attraction but I can tell it's there. I think about him all the time and after 2 years, I can finally feel happy again for the first time. It just that I'm technically married and I don't know how to go about this. I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life with my so called husband, and I know I don't want to loose my coworker. I don't want my coworker think I'm taking him for granted. I actually want to be with him, be his girl, if only I'm not legally attached to my husband. What do I do now? I'm so sad it makes me cry thinking I have no chance with him :(


Most Helpful Guy

  • Have you contacted a group that provides services for abused women? They may be able to help you move to a safe space.


Most Helpful Girl

  • if your married , try talking to your husband about the future about you guys if you guys don't get along , separate and move on

    • He would always promise me he won't abuse me again, but it never happens. He always break his promise. Every time I told him I'm done, I can't handle this disrespectful and violent treatment, he begged me to stay only to start abusing me again after I give him another chance. I don't think it's ever going to work but he keeps feeding me with false hope...

    • don't go back with him , its solved you been hurt with him so move on.


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What Guys Said 3

  • Well, you need to get enough ahead somehow to get away from your husband and then file for divorce. Just be VERY careful to understand that whatever attracted you to your husband may be present in your co-worker also.

    • Financial difficulty plays a big role here. I can't afford a lawyer for divorce yet and I don't know where I'm gonna stay after the divorce..
      My coworker has yet to know that I'm married and I don't even know where to begin telling him about it. I'm afraid he will choose to not get involved with me altogether since it's too complicated to involve with a married woman. I kept hiding it from him, avoiding to answer his question when he asks if I have a girlfriend.. What should I do next time he ask? I can't hide it forever, but I don't wanna ruin my relationship with him.

    • Since it sounds like you don't have the resources to get out of this on your own, and since you can't keep your marital status hidden forever, you only have one choice. You're going to have to tell him the whole story and ask him for help. If he really cares about you at all, most guys will help.

      U caution you again to consider whether this guy has the same personality traits as your current husband. You have to consider that possibility.

  • You better divorce that fool. Get the fuck out of there you don't deserve that shit, nobody does.

    • He keeps feeding me with false hope it would get better but it never did. I keep falling for it, thinking maybe this time he will keep his promise but he never does. He always break it and keep hitting me and abusing me. I'm too weak I always believe in his promise even after he broke 1000 similar promises.

  • Divorce him before you consider trying for someone else, if he found out you cheat it may be ugly. Get some help, lawyer up, divorce him and you definitely have the upper hand if he's abusive. Good luck.

    • Divorce takes a long time, especially if I can't effort a lawyer right now.. I'm still ligering in this hell because of financial difficulties and false hopes he has given me about how he won't be violent again but it keeps on happening..

    • Maybe there's another way, you can try to get someone who specialises in abuse victims to help you.

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