My boyfriend told me to dress up classy but it's not my style... What should I do?

My style is alternative and more dark, I could say. And my boyfriend absolutely hates it... Yesterday we went out and I was wearing a dress and a suit alongside my heels. Should I dress up to please him? I'm in love with him and I can't loose him again...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Why can't you loose him again? Seriously? You sound like complete opposites and you'll likely always be fighting or disagreeing about something. If you've already separated before, then it will probably happen again. Don't be sad about it though, you two just aren't right for each other that's all. You need to be with someone that will let you be YOU, not who they want you to be or you'll never be happy, not truly happy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • These days with Pinterest and Instagram it can be really easy to put together outfits that look great but are still comfortable. There's idea for pretty much every style. A lot of people are going to be saying "who does he think he is? He has to like all of you or hit the road!" and, while there's some truth in that, the thing is *you're* the one wearing the clothes but he should appreciate *you* more than what you wear.

    I understand what you're saying about really wanting to be with him, you sort of get to a stage of numb obsession with someone you need to chase all the time. I'm not saying 'break up with him' but, I am saying, think about it. If you're this far into the relationship, having known each other for as long as you have, do you think you should be terrified about losing him over an outfit? Is this way you want to be feeling? *You're* in this relationship too, it's not just him. It's supposed to be about learning to share who you are with someone you care about. It's terrifying and heartbreaking to think about not being with that special someone, but sometimes, it's the best thing. Because it's not til later where we can stand back and think "Wow, this person was so wrong for me!"

    Whatever you decide, (as long as they're not too... skimpy) remember, you wear the clothes for you and it *is* okay to not be a dress/heels wearing girl.

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    • 1mo

      thank you so much for your answer I think that I will try to wear something that is fine for both of us...

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    • 1mo

      You could always start by google something like 'casual female grunge outfit' or 'female black hipster clothing'. 'Black female hipster' will probably give you different results XD

    • 1mo

      thank you so muchhhh :)

What Guys Said 30

  • he should like you for you. if you dress a certain way and he was attracted to you then he shouldn't look to try and change you and mold you into something else

    and you shouldn't want to be with someone who is going to try and force you to change who you are, especially if there is nothing wrong with who you are

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    • 1mo

      he was attracted to me and thats why I don't understand why he wants me to change

    • 1mo

      it's one thing if a partner has a habit of lying or is messy and a partner wants to try and work with them to fix that

      but he is asking you to change the way you express yourself or like to dress which isn't something that should need to be changed

      i would tell him if i were you that you liked me to begin with for who i am and this is still who i am so i'm not going to change

    • 1mo

      I will have this conversation with him thank you

  • Well is it for a special occasion of some kind?

    Other than that you should leave him. Contrary to what everyone will tell you, the way you dress IS a reflection on who you are and if you aren't even comparable enough to feel comfortable standing next to the other, thats a big problem.

    If you really care about him, then try to dress a little like how he would want SOMETIMES not all the time. I know this is a terrible thing to some people and somehow means your settling but normal people call it compromise and get this, a relationship can't work with out a lot of it.

    But seriously, what's wrong with maybe trying to reinvent your style? You don't have to abandon the one you have but maybe try to see if you can do something that he would be a little more comfortable with.

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    • 1mo

      I will try to start wearing some things he would like with my personal touch

    • 1mo

      Yea, I bet if you go through the internet and pay attention to people around you you'll get so many ideas. I really hope it works out and I don't want you to completely change your style.
      Good luck!

    • 1mo

      thank you so much really :)

  • To be honest do what makes YOU happy. If your style is dark then wear dark. That pretty much sounds to me like he's controlling you in a way. Your partner should love you for you and yes also for the way you dress. Now there are exceptions to this. Your boyfriend obviously wouldn't want you going out in slutty clothes but in this case I see nothing wrong with you wearing what you like. If he breaks up with you just for that he is a waste of time. I don't know any guy that would break up with his girlfriend because, she was wearing dark clothes. Be you because all in all that's what makes you unique. Don't let him tell you what you can and can't wear bottom line.

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    • 1mo

      PS if he literally said "dress up classy" he needs to be slapped with a damn dictionary. People who use the word classy without any irony are the exact opposite of classy.

      Sorry dude, I had to put this somewhere - it wouldn't let me edit my opinion.

    • 1mo

      its not that my clothes are slutty as you say but I am aware that he hates when I wear my goth clothes... he really is something special...

    • 1mo

      @UhNoThnx hahahahaha he said the equivalent in greek

  • You have a choice. You can be true to him, or true to you. There isn't a middle ground here. Your style is yours and yours alone. Personally, I like that style, but that's me, and not the focus here. You need to find either a middle ground where you're both happy or move on. Sorry if that seems harsh.

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  • I would say stick to your own style and explain to your boyfriend how you feel - If he cares about you he should be okay with it - Maybe explore a compromise, dress a different style the odd day or something.

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  • Can't lose him again? Would you please explain that comment?

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    • 1mo

      we broke up twice and I couldn't stay without him. he couldn't as well

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    • 1mo

      You will agree when you realize I'm right.

  • You two apparently are just not compatible. Why sacrifice your likes for someone who can't appreciat what you like?

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  • Show us a picture of your style - like how you dress... Every style can be updated slightly making it more feminine and attractive.

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  • I'd ask the same of you if it was for some special event. But for your everyday clothing, just be you :)

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  • I think you should do that for him on occasion. Not 24/7.

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  • you may love him but its obvious he doesn't feel the same so hard as it is you need to find someone who wants you as you are

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    • 1mo

      he does love me but its just that we are opposites to that mattet

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    • 1mo

      please do and im sure you will see true happiness is more achievable with someone who feels the same as you rather than chasing an ill fated dream

    • 1mo

      thank you so much really :)

  • Yes, dress nice to please him. It's the least you can do to make him happy. If he was grungy, he should dress up nice to please you. These are called "The Little Things" that matter.

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    • 1mo

      I will do that so I can please him :) thank you

    • 1mo

      She does dress nice, just a different style

      It's ok for him to say dress nice we're going somewhere posh

      It's not ok to say change your style

    • 1mo

      @Touchmehxx I don't know why but just because you said that I do dress nice made me cry form happiness :) thank you

  • Grab him by the... oh wait.. well. If you really don't want it speak with him about how you feel. I believe he will understand.

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  • Dark can be classy?

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  • tbh he should love you no matter what you wear, maybe on occasions dress slightly different for him but never change who you are

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  • I wish my wife would dress less Christian showing more clevage and leg but that doesn't mean its going to happen, she wouldn't let anyone dictate how she dresses and nor should you.

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  • Look, I do get that you love him and you want to do it for him, but if it's something you really don't like it's going to get old soon and you'll regret it, so again if you really don't like that style, don't do it...

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  • Just DOO IT

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  • if your boyfriend can't accept you for who you are, why are you together? Down the road its gonna run into complications

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    • 1mo

      we are together because we are in love and we can't stay apart

  • No no no, keep your individuality girl.

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    • 1mo

      Do you think that he will get mad?

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    • 1mo

      Who the fuck cares if he gets mad. I'm sorry but guys like him piss me off. He's a controlling creep.

    • 1mo

      @UhNoThnx he is controlling but not that much...

  • huh dress and a pair of Chuck Taylor would be baller as hell

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  • Its up you you

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  • Dress up the way you want to dress up. He won't like it but that's okay.

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  • Why did u lose in the firat time
    U can't change urself for anyone he is an asshole

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    • 1mo

      because I wasn't focusing on my studies... he is not an asshole...

  • Bend him over and put a long schlong Johnson in there.

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  • you will change on your own slowly

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  • why not. you can do it :P get enjoy...

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  • Is there any sort of way you could meet him like, half way?

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    • 1mo

      what do you mean half way?

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    • 1mo

      we went out and we said that some times if he wants to go out i will dress up fancy and that he loves me so he will accept how i dress

    • 1mo

      okkkk

  • He wants to change how you dress every day or how you dress when you go out somewhere?

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    • 1mo

      when I am with him

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    • 1mo

      I don't think changing your entirely underlying 'style' makes sense. It's an expression of you and your tastes. You might occasionally indulge in what he likes, but your core style has to be what you feel good in.

      On the flip side, I think you might want to encourage yourself from just having one 'look' (i. e. jeans and hoodies) and explore a variety of things that fall within styles that you like, that your boyfriend may find especially attractive.

      In particular, avoid falling into the 'I only wear X because I feel uncomfortable in other things' trap. Wear stuff you like that he thinks you look good in, even if it's a change for you. Don't wear stuff you don't like.

      Did that make any sense?

    • 1mo

      it does make sense and its really helpful and I will try to do that (have a variety of styles) thank you so much

  • Just do it for once for him.

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    • 1mo

      I did it once, yesterday should I change and dress up like that all the time?

    • 1mo

      No. A mixture. Once a week you suffer... For love!

    • 1mo

      thank you its a nice suggestion :)

What Girls Said 32

  • If you truly hate it and it's not you, your boyfriend should understand and respect that! There's nothing wrong with going out of your way to make him happy once in a while! Do you should try it at least once! But if he seems insistent on trying to have you dress nicely, you should be firm and tell him that you're not a dress up doll and you have your own opinions and preferences. If he can't understand or respect that, then he's probably not the one for you... But I think you should at least dress nice once, especially if it's out for dinner, because it's only polite and pleasing him a couple times isn't the end of the world. It shows your appreciation and respect and acknowledgement of his preferences.

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  • No he can't just change you like that. Your clothes, your style, your creativity is what makes YOU. If he doesn't like the way you dress you should tell him that you like dressing that way and that's your style. If he doesn't care what you say then I'd probably break up with him cause sounds like he's trying to change you into something else. Would he be upset if you told him to dress like you and that you didn't like classy guys? I bet your style is awesome. Don't listen to him and keep wearing what you love and want!

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  • WTH? You're boyfriend should be with you because he loves you and shouldn't be nit picking your style. I'm sorry but I couldn't be with a guy who wouldn't tolerate my style. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you were wearing. Has he been breaking up with you due to how you dress?

    Don't change yourself for anyone. It's not worth it!

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    • 1mo

      it was a reason as to why we broke up but he just hates goth style

  • You should date someone who likes you for you. But here is a dress that is a compromise. By the way, anyone that can't handle all black outfits are weak so you're not doing anything wrong. I love all things Gothic.
    http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/qo8xsv-i.jpg

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  • Don't change ur style for him ur fashion/style is part of who u r and if he doesn't get that u need to explain it to him and stand up for urself he should love all parts about u and accept u for u no matter what even ur style so don't change and alternative and dark style can b classy it's all about how u do it I mean I would get if u we're going out to eat at a fancy place u could do ur style but dress it up more like a dark lace dress with lace see through tights and heels but for everyday u do what u want u have to wear what u love and feel confident

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    • 1mo

      so just to adjust my style right?

    • 1mo

      Not on a everyday thing but if it was like a fancy restaurant u could but no u never should have to change ur style or adjust it on a everyday thing u do what n happy and feel confident

    • 1mo

      I see :) thank you

  • He hates your style? Seems strange... if he likes you he should like how you dress. If not, then I'd question if he actually likes you. And especially if he is asking or telling you to dress differently. You should wear what makes you comfortable. Myself, I am very casual and don't wear make up very often or dress up a whole lot. I like to once in a while but not most of the time. No way I could be with someone who wanted to me doll up regularly.

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    • 1mo

      I known its strange... that's why I asked for opinions because I can't deal with dressing up everyday

  • How about this. You make him compromise. Ask him to wear what you like, and in turn, you'll wear what he likes. If he can't stand it, neither should you give in to him. If he can't accept you for who you are, then it's not worth it, isn't it?

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  • You could compromise and go with something dark and classy. Maybe something like this?
    www.the-gothic-shop.co.uk/.../29-250915203910.jpg

    If not post a pic of something you would wear so I have an idea of what you would like.

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    • 1mo

      he wpuld not like that I will post a pic smth he would want and what I wear

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    • 1mo

      Then only do it for special occasions. You should change the way you dress all the time for someone.

    • 1mo

      thank you so much :)

  • You should want to be with someone who likes you for you. Not for what he thinks he can change you into. if he hates your look. Why are you two together?

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  • You're 17 and if you've already lost him once then you are obviously not going to last.

    Do whatever you want, while you can. Don't let him hold you back.

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    • 1mo

      I lost him because he wanted me t focus on my schoolwork

    • 1mo

      That... makes no sense whatsoever

    • 1mo

      it does because I would talk ti him on fb during class and wouldn't do my hmw in order to see him

  • You should wear what ever makes you feel good about yourself. I mean, we've all happend to wear a specific piece of clothing we know our partner likes, it's not bad. But we should never wear smth we don't like or feel comfortable with. Just tell him it bugs you that he tells you to not be yourself. If he keeps pressuring you he is not good enough for you.

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  • This is something I hate
    If a guy takes me out he'd say what u gonna wear maybe and I'd say hm not sure and he'd be like well why don't u wear a dress I'd say I don't wear dresses and he's say but why not, just make the effort

    I can still make an effort without wearing a dress. He's not wearing a dress, doesn't mean he's not making an effort

    People who try to change me are cancer

    Avoid

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    • 1mo

      I mean I wear black dresses that he hates because they are Gothic

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    • 1mo

      thank you for your help :)

    • 1mo

      It's alright❤️❤️

  • Your style is a part of you. If he can't see past that, I don't think you guys are too compatible to stay together. Unless its just a one time thing where he wants you to dress up classy for like a special occassion, then I don't see the big deal in doing that. However, if its an always thing, thats not a good sign.

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    • 1mo

      he wantse to dress up like this when we go out every time

  • If you love him, then you make some sacrifices for him. Either that or you're not meant to be together.

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  • If he loves loves you he should accept you for who are, I don't believe in changing for someone but if you want to, go right ahead. But try and see if you don't feel like yourself just tell him.

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  • Take his opinions in and maybe try it, but in the end do what makes you happy, you both needa talk about it together tho

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    • 1mo

      yeah its one of the many things that we need to talk about...

  • Be yourself. If he loves you, he will never go away. Maybe you can dress for him when you want to reward him in rarely occasion. Doing this is very attractive.

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  • You can still be classy and incorporate your own look. If dark is what you're going for, nothing is more. classy than a little black dress.

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  • the fact that you say "lose him again", it makes me feel like you guys aren't really compatible. dump his ass and find someone who likes you who you are.

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  • try to find the joy in being feminine. it's a wonderful thing.

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  • He sounds like a control freak, just keep wearing what you like to wear

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  • Go with what works for u

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  • Why the hell are you wearing a suit and a dress? that makes no sense.

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    • 1mo

      a suit jacket and a dreaa

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    • 1mo

      Anytime

    • 1mo

      <3 <3

  • Dress however you want.

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  • Be a shadow of him, by his side, then

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  • You should dump his ass.

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  • dont overthink too much. be who you are or else it might get worst later down the road.

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  • So just do it so he will get hot and do u good.

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  • No dude never change to please anyone much less your boyfriend who should love and accept you for who you are

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  • Well I think you should if you go to special place together. But for everyday routine You need to wear clothes which are comfortable personally for you (:

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