Why do guys pursue a woman strongly at first and then lose interest?

This has happened to me several times: a guy will pursue me strongly at first. He'll set up two or three dates for the first week, two for the second week, and maybe one the next week, by which point he's usually decided he's not interested.

I don't get it. How can you be so into someone when you barely know them? Even when I've been head over heels for a guy after a first date, I don't like to rush into things with him - I want some time to step back, think about it, and ask for a second date the next week.

Can someone clue me in to the guy's thought process here? I keep getting my hopes up with guys because they'll send me these signals, only for it all to go bust a few weeks later.

Updates:
1mo The thing is that with these guys, I DID respond to their advances with equal strength. I texted them, set up about half of the dates, hooked up with them, etc. I absolutely made the time for them, they just lost interest quickly and suddenly and I don't get it.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's how American or western dating is set up. Men mostly pursue women, often without knowing anything besides how the women looks. The effort can be seen as serious interest and I bet can feel very flattering, but they're usually just trying to get to know you. They probably realized they aren't interested or they may have mostly wanted sex.

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    • 1mo

      You are a bit off in your assumption there..

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    • 1mo

      @jman46241 So women usually pursue men, girls don't tend to see effort as interest, the effort isn't flattering, the guys are actually interested and they don't want sex?

    • 1mo

      You take a bit off and turn into the opposite? Actually A lot of questions I see and assume you do as well involve girls asking guys out.. Anyway, what's up with generalizing as American or western dating?

What Guys Said 15

  • I think you learn pretty early on if you aren't into someone. Initially, you don't know anything about the person but you're interested so all of the holes are filled in with positive ideas. Then as you go out with them and get to know them, you tend to learn about things that you don't like or you feel aren't compatible.

    But this isn't your fault. It's easy to find someone that you want to go out with once or twice or even want to have sex with. But finding someone that you want to go out with over and over and over? That's difficult and in reality, it should be. Otherwise, we'd just marry random people on the street and live happily ever after.

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  • They're physically attracted to you and are pumped up by the thought of fucking you. Then one of four things happen

    1) they fuck you and get it out of their system
    2) they realize they won't get to fuck you soon and opt not to stick around
    3) your personality is so bad that it kills their desire to fuck you or stick around for the chance
    4) they meet someone else who's hotter or more interesting and you become expendable

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  • You're not showing interest. We pretty much HAVE to shit or get off the pot quickly, because it's almost guaranteed that any woman that's seeing us, is also seeing a dozen other guys. She'll pick one or two to have sex with, and let the rest entertain her and buy her things but never get anywhere with her. So if she isn't showing clear signs on interest pretty quickly, it's Move On or Get Used.

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  • Your answer is here:
    The thing is that with these guys, I DID respond to their advances with equal strength. I texted them, set up about half of the dates, hooked up with them, etc. I absolutely made the time for them, they just lost interest quickly and suddenly and I don't get it.

    They had fun with you but determined that a relationship wasn't in order. Perhaps you didn't have very much in common with them or didn't they couldn't see a future with you. Maybe they found another "flavor of the month" and kept moving on to the next dish...

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  • its simple they just want sex and if they dont get it by second date they're gone, why invest in a gil you're not serious about? i have a friend who ghosts any girl who refuses to talk sexual to him after few days of getting to know her, why? he simply wants sex and not really interested in wasting his time.

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  • They probably found out you either won't put out or there is something about you that turned them away. It sounds like you are pretty attractive, but something about your personality

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  • It's hard to tell without maybe knowing some of the things that were said on these dates. Yeah, some guys just want a piece and give up.. Other guys just generally become disinterested, and it can be a thing or two that a girl says/does.

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  • If a girl doesn't reciprocate interest fairly early on, I'll typically drop her off and consider other options

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  • They got to know you during those dates and didn't really like who they were seeing and got over it?

    I dunno. Could be other reasons. Like, maybe he was talking to other people and they seemed more appealing.

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  • Once they got to know you better they realised you weren't a good match.

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  • You're probably playing too hard to get. I find girls who play games a HUGE turnoff and lose interest quickly if they seem cold

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  • i have no idea, sorry can't help you.

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  • Because they never show any interest back.

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  • The girl has to respond with feelings/signs too. Though in your case you did. In which case, the guy is simply a moron to waste someone's time if they were not interested. Personally if I pursue at all, I really like a girl.

    I think a guy who is not serious leads people on. A genuine man will be interested if he goes beyond date 1.

    What I don't get though is a girl who is excited, but acting innocent or variable text response times.

    Maybe you can help me here about women? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2149531-do-women-let-some-men-get-away-with-more-see-description-first

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  • During those dates, they got to know you and changed their minds.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Here's the thing: if you're dealing with guys who become very interested in the beginning, showing a lack of interest will turn them off so fast that they'll run for the hills. You have to reciprocate at least SOME interest and make a clear indication that you want to see how things go for guys to want to stick around.

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  • Maybe it's because you don't seem too interested? Do you reply leisurely to his texts? Or not text first or not ask questions? Because those are signs of interest so he might think that you're lacking them. Also if you don't flirt he will probably think that you're not interested. Try arranging a date yourself! That'll show interest from you :)

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  • Maybe you didn't show enough interest or he found something out about you that he didn't like. who knows, but if he doesn't think you are worth his time then go find someone who will think so.

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  • Maybe you're just uninteresting.

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