Should I give him space?

So I think I might be dating this guy? (Typical) In the past two months he's text me "good morning beautiful!" Every day, we've gone out for drinks a couple times, gotten breakfast, he spent my bday dinner with me, spent the night at my house just to cuddle, we've made out a few times and even hung out at his brothers house once.
His brother kept telling me he wasn't into me and was just trying to fuck. This upset me so I pulled him aside and asked him what his intentions were. He sat me down, said he really likes me and he's been trying to find the right time to tell me this, but he just found out he has a kid... He's stressed and doesn't sure what this means and how it's going to change his plans... I'm not sure if I should step back, give him space and let him work it out. Or if I should step in, be supportive and help him work through it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Umm... first of all, to the morons that keep saying someone is in it "just to fuck"... wth, fucking is gonna HAVE to be involved at some point. you can either do it now or later, thats what i say.
    Now on to you. In my personal opinion, if i think something may be serious then i hear "Kid", im out. Not because of the person im with, but because of the OTHER person/people. Plus I don't the attention i want to be divided among two other people regardless of if one is a toddler. Then I've gotta listen to stories that have absolutely Nothing to do with me or us. I'd say pack up and leave.
    But if you like him very much and wanna stay, some space is always nice to give.

    Oh last thing, don't ever ask a guy what his intentions are, because 9.9 out of 10, its either a lie, or will become a lie. Most of the time, and this pertains to me as well, most guys don't know the answer to that question. And thats why i never answer it. Only people who are psychic or something should be able to answer that. Even if i know i like the girl, i don't know how things will be after a couple of years. Frankly, im surprise he didn't scram when you asked that after only 2 months. Most of the time, the "intentions" are the same, then there are factors like time, social life, work life, expectations, personality changes, etc and one day when the honeymoon phase fades, you will realize... oops.
    Thats when the female morons go "oh, he only wanted me for sex"... bullshit lol
    Im sorry i ranted all over your post, i was trying to be through and got irked.

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    • 1mo

      I didn't word it quite like that... I said hey this is what your brother is saying, if he's right just be honest with me... I've been known to have casual relationships like that, but if that's the case I don't want to let my feelings get involved.

    • 1mo

      well asking never solves or answers anything. its best to feel it out or make the decision yourself. if you think he really might just want sex, hell, make it about that only.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If I were you I'd give him space. If he's just found out he's about to be a father then I imagine he'll want to put all his focus and energy into his child rather than another relationship.

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    • 1mo

      1) he's not about to be a father, he already is. The kid is a year old. 2) he has expressed that he really likes me, he has not asked for space at all... Has only said that he needs time to see what's going to become of all of this. He hasn't quit being affectionate towards me, he has just been slightly less, which can be attributed to the added stress and the extra hours he's been working.

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    • 1mo

      I still think you should give him space. You said above he just found out he has a kid. Like I said, he's probably going to want to focus on his kid and bond with him/her and get to know him/her. If I were in his position I'd want space.

What Guys Said 12

  • this is tough. since you don't know where you stand with him being a support system is nice and all but it also puts you in a precarious position. perhaps he comes around and realizes he wants to be with you... or you invest a lot of time and effort and in the end he still only sees you as a sort of casual relationship or worse decides he wants nothing to do with you

    for those reasons i'd tend to lean towards giving him space only to avoid finding yourself in a really tenuous situation later

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    • 1mo

      That's my fear here... I don't want to put myself out there just to get hurt, but, he was the one actively pursuing me for months, and it just happened that he found this out around the time that I really started to be more interested. He's been very open about everything - he still surprises me at work just to walk me to my car and kiss me goodnight, he even told me last night that he was giving another coworker a ride home cause she didn't have her car and he didn't want me to hear rumors and think anything.

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    • 1mo

      I was thinking of something along the lines of letting him know that I understand he's stressed and confused right now, I can't imagine what he's going through, but that I'm still here if and when he's ready :)

    • 1mo

      sounds smart

  • I would play it by ear and be supportive, if he likes that stick with it and if he wants space you will probably notice. With things like this there is no right way or wrong way just let him know you are there for him to talk to if he wants.

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  • I think you should step in. I think this is a sort foundational moment. If he's interested in you, not chasing other women, and you can accept the fact that there may be a child involved, I wouldn't turn away. But also you should be unselfish and let him know, that if he wants to work it out with his baby's mother, that would be the best choice. Because in the big picture, it's not about you, it's not about him, it's not about her, but it's about this kid. It's a big deal. Thanks for your question.

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  • Go with the flow, examine your own feelings, do you love him?
    If he has a child, is he contemplating getting back with the mother, if she is interested?
    Do you think he is in love with you?
    Support him but don't commit to anything until he sorts himself out!

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  • No just take your time with him. Do not rush anything. Figure eachother out. You will know the heart of a person with time.

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  • Don't give him any space. Suffocate him to death!

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  • IF you don't love him (aka have a genuine concern for his long term well being) better to drop the illusion (for him) and go your separate ways. Think bout what you said... you dont love him and don't want to get hurt. I don't think he would like the same either (getting hurt) so better to nix it NOW before he gets any wrong ideas where this relationship is not headed.

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    • 1mo

      It's too soon to be in love... Way too early. It's totally possible for me to fall for him, I'm just not letting myself because I don't want to get hurt...

  • if you feel safe around being around his brother and being around his family and being around a lot of drama that is going to start then you should be a supporter but if you can't take the drama that it's about to start then you shouldn't be involved because there's none of your business a lot of people are going to tell you that

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    • 1mo

      sorry let me correct myself because to be honest with you you don't have nothing to do with that child involvement. if I was you. I will avoid all the drama that's going to come towards him and his family a lot of people are going to tell you to mind your own business and to just stay away so my advice to you is you should step back just for a while a long while. because what you have right there next to you is a person who doesn't even know what the f*** he is doing having sex with who knows who and then not knowing if the girl is pregnant or not.

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    • 1mo

      kind of took me a while I should have been started a long time ago

    • 1mo

      No offense, but I struggle to take advice from someone who can't string together a coherent sentence.

  • How about you just love him and come what ever may, cause you love him. So simple.

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  • Depends on how much you like the guy... If you really like him give him a shot

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  • Yeah you're right, I think you should give him some space...

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  • A: you are going to just push him away from you and towards somebody else.
    B: he wanted only sex from the beginning and he will use the "space" you give him to go after someone else.
    It's definitely "B" if he is under 25 and like to party.

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    • 1mo

      He's 30 and comes from the same traditional background as myself

    • 1mo

      Well if the kid is really his, then it's game over for the relationship, then.

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