After they die when can you move on?

Here goes... My fiance/father of all four of my children ( 1,2,3,4) passed away in May of this year. I can't really see myself in relationship, but I'm extremely lonely. I really want someone around permanently... Am I wrong for feeling this way? My oldest (4) asked when I was going to get her a new daddy it broke my heart. Then I look at my kids when they play with their uncles and I can see that part of them that once died coome to life when they're with them. I hate to see the sad look on my oldest face when she sees her cousin play with his dad... smh😔. I just can't see myself looking for anyone because now a days you never know what people have, what they're thinking, who they really are and I spent 10 years with my fiance I didn't plan on ending up alone this young!! I can't shake this lonely depressing feeling. I don't know what to do. I don't want people to look at me funny because I'm dating, but I'm extremely lonely and depressed and I really need help with this situation. Am I being selfish? Am I rushing things? Please help me. No rude comments please I'm under enough stress. Thank you to everyone that replied.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I lost my father, step father, and my mother before the age of 21. I never knew what it was like to have a father growing up because my father died when I was a baby. All I had was my mother and I loved her above all. Then there was my step dad, and even though he pissed me off frequently, he loved my mom a lot, and we also talked just as if we were friends. I'm not close with anyone in my family so when I lost all of them, I felt alone. Sure I had friends, but the person who meant the most to me was gone.

    About a year later I met this girl. She was great, smart, and was willing to listen to me. I had always been a reserved person and after they died, I was worse. I was in a dark place and I felt like I relied on her heavily to get me through it, whether she knew it or not. I developed feelings for her, but I couldn't tell if they were real or if it's just that I wanted something to fill that void. I didn't want to put that on her because it wasn't fair but it was hard. We were friends as well so she wanted me to go to her, but I often refused because of the weight I brought with me.

    This is all different from your situation, but the pain of loss is greater than anything. We are so used to having someone in our lives that our lives our impacted in every way. It's hard having to go without it and we long for it again. There's nothing wrong with seeking comfort in the arms of another, I just think it's best to know where you stand at all times. Don't turn it into something based on your pain.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Aww! I'm so sorry for the lose that you and your family have experienced. It's only been six or seven months, and it's maybe a little bit to soon. You really kind of have to start over. You can't hold onto the past and move into the future, because the future and the past can't share the same space.
    Whenever you do start dating again, it's going to be hard out there. It's not easy. What you have to do is focus on yourself, making you the best you can be, and if you do that someone will naturally fall into your life. You have to follow your dreams if you want to meet your dream guy. I'm not saying you can't have a side boyfriend, but you shouldn't get on a dating site and dive in too fast. Good luck. Best wishes!

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  • I highly suggest counseling to help sort your feelings and give you direction

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  • If you think your ready go for it have some fun I know how life changing death can be when I was 18 I was already to join the army well on my way to the special forces but one night about 2 months before I left my mom dad uncle and aunty where all killed by a drunk driver running a stop sign so I had to stay home and raise my younger brother and sister and my 2 cousins well also running a farm and being a owner of 4 buisness and 5 rental property and now 10 year later It was hard but they all went to college and got good jobs and in the long run it was probably the better life choice that being said I think of my mom and dad every day so I guess I'm not totally over them

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