I'm a black guy who finds himself quite hesitant to approach girls outside of my ethnic group (specifically white) and I'll try to give some context as to why that is so and what makes it difficult.
I'll try to sum this up, 2000 characters is not enough, I wrote more that better puts things into perspective but I can't use it.
My senior year in high school I was head over heals for an old friend who was white/Mexican. She liked me too, but the problem was that her mom (white) does not like black people so we couldn't date. Long story short... that killed a part of me later on. I felt reduced to a color, disliked because of a color. I was a decent guy, gentleman, on the nerdish side but still as "cool" as they come. Being denies a shot at a relationship because of my skin made me hate myself, hate being black. Can't seem to be myself without my "blackness" getting in the way and ruining it - eh, I'm starting to rant.
That never happened to me before, I experienced racism before but was never phased... that? nothing ever hurt me as bad before honestly - as silly as it might sound, it damaged my psyche so to speak. Ever since then, it's very difficult to see myself talking to most white girls because the thought of being disliked (or fetishized) due to black is something I can't afford to experience again and there lies the problem.
As a black non-religious person, I am a minority within a minority, my "dating pool" is significantly small in terms of girls in my ethnic group because apart from religious views, my political views and general outlooks differ from the majority. On OKCupid, there are far more non-religious white girls (who also have the overall higher matches) than... well... black/Indian/Hispanic/Middle Eastern put together within just a 250 mile radius. On Meetme, white girls there are generally 97% of girls near me. If I find someone attractive, I'm too afraid to approach because I'm black, is that irrational?
This probably makes no sense.
Most Helpful Girl
I am so sorry you had to be confronted to such a prejudiced person. I totally understand how hurtful it is. I am of mixed race. I am half Asian, and half Caucasian (white), and that is all I seem to be to other people. I am always just 'half' something. It's hard because sometimes it has made me wonder if I am a 'whole' person. Dating is not easy for me either. I very often feel 'fetishized' as you mention and the number of mixed race people like me are few and far between where I live.
I wish I had an answer for you, but all I can say is that I don't think you are irrational. Our experiences shape how we think and who we are. I just hope you'll be able to encounter more open-minded, and colorblind people.1