Dating a guy whose come out of a 8 year relationship. Any tips?

Some context; we've both come out of longterm relationships this year but I've dated more people than he has. We're both 27. He's really interested me, I've no doubt about that because he's said it several times and we've kissed a few times (not passionately though). He said the other day that he's shy when it comes to dating and that this all very new to him which I understand; I've been there! So I'm just asking for any tips on how to progress dating with him in a good way. He's slowly growing on me, and I don't mind going slow because I prefer to get know someone and form a bond. We've dated for 3 weeks and I've started to like him more and more. I've let him take the lead most of the time.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Take it super slow and be cautious which seems to be what you're doing. Everyone who gets out of a LTR relationship handles it differently but I dated a girl who got out of a 5 year relationship and even though she didn't really bring up the ex or complain about him, she acted hot and cold. She ended up ditching me after sex which hurt even though I wasn't trying to rush her into a relationship. I was being cautious and it still happened.

    Has he mentioned the ex at all?

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    • 1mo

      Hi thanks for the feedback. Yeah we've talked about our previous relationships and been open on the reasons why the ended. If he ever brings her up, its always in a negative light however.

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    • 1mo

      But i've moved on from my ex and he's moved on too.

    • 4d

      Thanks for the most helpful guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • i can definitely relate to this guy, since i can remember what it was like to date again after ending a 7-year relationship.

    my advice: take things slow. don't force him to assume a title or into a situation that might make him uncomfortable.

    when it was me in your man's shoes, i told the guy that "i'm not your girlfriend/we are not exclusive". a few nights later, we ran into some of his friends at a bar, and he introduced me to them as "my friend von"; the fact that he respected my wishes assured me that he would be respectful in other ways too.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Don't ask about exes or the past. Just let things happen at a reasonable pace, follow his lead like you're already doing.

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  • Don't pressure him or anything. just let it unfold at the pace he lets it

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  • To go at his pace, that's the best thing you can do. He may take things slow and it may not be like your average relationship.

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    • 1mo

      I guess. I was with my ex for five years so still quite a long time, so we're both in similar situations. Obvs every break up is different; me and my ex grew apart and it was amicable and I knew I was ready to move on with someone else fairly quickly; its just the whole dating process which scares/baffles me.

    • 1mo

      Well as long as you respect his boundaries, let him take the lead as long as you're fine with it, but at the same time you still have the right to voice your opinions that can help him as well.

    • 1mo

      Thanks. Yeah it takes two to make anything work lol and it's early days so we'll see how it goes

  • Very slowly. He's on the rebound and emotions aren't as authentic as if it were two completely single people meeting.

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  • Go very slow! He's most likely still healing..

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  • My advice is to take it slow, but you're already doing that.

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  • What a pity I myself would never be a guy who a girl would ever date. I must be so unattractive to female human beings.

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    • 1mo

      that doesn't really answer my question... lol

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    • 1mo

      This does not change anything.

    • 1mo

      Most of them girls here are uneducated enough not to know English. I don't think they would be on here. Why should I give a damn if girls in foreign countries read what I write here?

  • Don't be scared, anything you do will blow his mind, he's been cream pie'ing the same swamp for 8 years. Know no boundaries.

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    • 1mo

      I don't know why, but this really made me laugh! 😂😂

  • Oh good! Sounds like it's going well. Keep us posted on the progress.

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  • People often say don't do things. However, I suggest you do what you want, because unless you're being paid to put up an act. Not being yourself gets exhausting real quick.

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  • You're dating a guy who had a relationship with an 8 year old?

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    • 1mo

      Go to sleep Troll

  • Specifically how has he taken the lead? Because taking the lead is a struggle for me

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    • 1mo

      I've let him initiate most dates and set the pace, whilst keeping that balance in showing I'm interested in him. I'm happy to go slow.

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    • 1mo

      Please remember we've only dated for 3 weeks. I've text him a few times after a date to say I've had a good evening and convo usually goes from there. I'm not making him do all the leg work. It's got to comfortable point where we both know we like each other, so we both mutually agree when to see each other next, its just him who brings up the convo first. He only lives up the road from me so I'm quite laid back on when to see him. However i'm letting him set the pace. I do like him, but I'd rather take the time to get to know him first.

    • 1mo

      Yeah just because it's the way it is doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it

  • never play leapfrog with a unicorn

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