He is pushing to have affection, but I'm not comfortable. Is this normal?

I just went on a second date with a guy I had been chatting to online. He seems okay, but I'm not really sure how I feel about him.

I've learned that he doesn't really cook for himself. Most of the time he just eats microwave meals. I find that to be a huge turn off. I can cook, but I don't want to be expected to be the only one cooking ever. I've already been in a relationship like that and it was terrible. I was expected to do all of the cooking and cleaning and I got no thanks for it. I also worked full-time and was going to school,

I just don't want to get into one of those situations again. I don't think it's solely the woman's job to do the cooking and cleaning. I think chores should be divided up.

Anyway during the date he wanted to hold my hand. I've had some bad experiences and I just am not ready to jump into another relationship right away. I want to get to know him before we do anything.

I went to a Halloween party this weekend and he was checking in on me to see if I was going with anyone. That kind of ticked me off. Like we are not exclusive and have only gone on 2 dates. I'm not even sure how I feel about him.

Updates:
1mo FYI people I am NOT sleeping around! I am merely just wanting to get to know a person. I want someone who is a good fit. I've been in many situations where the guy I have been dating is trying to control me or change me. I just want someone who can accept me for who I am. I will only know that by getting to know the person.

I literally just met this guy for the first time on our first date. We have only gone on 2 dates. I am not in a rush to get into a relationship.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe make a "pros and cons" chart for him lol. :p

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Find a way of making him cool down. Or just ask him to take things slower. He may. Have already assumed he has you when he does not. Getting to know Somone first is fine. - he is moving to quickly and I would say you're right to be wary. It may be innocent. But still he should make an effort to date you first over a period of time until you both transition into a relationship naturally. It might be he's a little arrogant. And the cooking can be changed if he develops strong feelings for you I'm sure he will change his eating habits for a healthier life. Don't worry about the future yet. He needs to date you first and he needs to slow down. You're right to feel uncomfortable

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    • 1mo

      He needs to trust you anyway. And don't submit to any affection that you're not ready to give or want to. otherwise you'll only feel it wasent Honest. It could all be perfectly innocent but still people get hurt so having a guard up is perfectly fine. Good for you !. You have to protect you somtimes. Only do what you feel comfortable with and when you are ready

What Guys Said 9

  • Holly do you have a wall built around you or what. You need to relax and just enjoy yourself, stop worrying so much. Dates are all about having fun and not worrying that he uses the microwave more than you deem necessary. It's also not fair that you're comparing him to your ex.
    If you're not into him then don't see him, don't make things difficult for yourself or the other guy. These are all unecessary bs games you're playing. Honestly, if a girl ever did that to me, hell if I didn't at least make out with a girl on the first date it would only tell me that she's not interested and I'd never talk to her again, I have no clue what this dude is thinking.

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    • 1mo

      That's what I'm trying to do. But he's stressing me out by pushing to check in on what I am doing and also trying to get affection from me. I feel like I barely know him. I'm guarded for sure, and I'm working on that. But I need to know I can trust him. I've been hurt before. I'm not ready to just jump into somethign.

    • 1mo

      Then why are you dating? Don't date, you're clearly not ready to let love into your life and he is. He's not the problem, you are. He hasn't done anything that's out of line when it comes to dating. He's attracted to you so obviously he's going to push for something and if you won't allow yourself to receive it, it means you're not ready or you're not into him. Either way, you should cut it off and save both you and him unnecessary drama. I've been hurt too and so have many others. Hell my girlfriend of a year dumped me and said she never loved me and just made pretend, but I've still put myself out there because I know not everyone is like that. I went on a first date last night and had an awesome time and we made out so many times. It only happened because I wanted it to happen and if you don't want it, then you're not ready.

  • Why does it matter whether his behavior is normal or whether your behavior is normal? If people say his behavior is normal, will your feelings about him change?

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  • Are you serious? that must be the dumbest and most childish post i've read so far, and from a woman whos almost thirty, just wow.

    and whats with all the "not exclusive" and just "two dates" shit, of course he wants to know who you're going with do you think its normal to just fk around and commit after you've had your fun? no its not when you're going out with someone.

    just leave the poor guy and move on he doesn't desrve to be hurt by you.

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    • 1mo

      I'm not sleeping around! I seriously just want to get to know him. I haven't slept with anyone since my last relationship that ended over a year ago! I literally just met him for the first time on our first date. We met online, it's not like I've known him for years. I just want to take things slow. Apparently that's okay only for guys to insist on. If a woman insists on going slow she's labelled crazy and a slut. WOW

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    • 27d

      He may be overly keen and even though you speak of these rules. There is a very good reason to keep distance and get to know Somone. plus if a man or a woman is pushy it will end up in resentment. You never know people that well. And of course don't hurt anyone but 2 dates is a small amount. He may mean nothing by his questions. But I can understand why it's alarming. and it is alarming. So I would be careful of him. If it was me.

    • 27d

      I've only been on 2 dates with him. I am just trying to make the right decision and not pick someone who I am going to end up regretting letting in my life. On the second date I learned he is a smoker and he seemed to take pride in hiding that from me, which is concerning. He is also not being very open with me at all, which is why I wanted to go on a couple of dates with him.

  • You should relax a little bit. You're worrying about being forced to cook for this guy, and you've only been on two dates. You're 25-29? You should chill and enjoy yourself.

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  • You sound like a keeper.

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  • I've got a lot to say lol , see if you can add me

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  • You need to come my way

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  • The cooking, that's not a reason to reject a guy (lots of guys don't cook). Now, I get what you're saying about being expected to cook but this guy may not be like that. Just because one of your ex's was, doesn't mean he will be. Get to know him better and even ask him on a date about it sometime.

    It also sounds like maybe you aren't ready to date AT ALL yet. I think you need time (counselling even?) to get over those bad experiences first. Also, don't be ticked off that he was "checking in on you", he obviously likes you and was just hoping you didn't have anyone else in mind, that's all. You have to let that go. That immediate anger you felt also tells me you're not ready to date again.

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    • 1mo

      And as far as he goes, if you continue seeing him, just tell him and be honest, you've had some bad experiences and you need to take things very slow.

    • 1mo

      I felt a little uncomfortable when he was checking in on me since we barely know each other. I've only met him in person twice. We met online on a dating site. I'm just trying to get to know him. I don't want to rush into a relationship and get hurt. I unfortunately cannot afford counseling, even though I would love to see someone. I actually feel like I'm in a good place right now. I just want to take my time and make a good choice when it comes to a partner. 100% of my other relationships moved quickly and I ended up hurt, so why not take my time. I'm in no rush to settle down with someone.

    • 1mo

      Agreed. Now just tell him that. You've been hurt in the past and you want/need to take things very slow. It will serve 2 purposes, 1, he'll know where you stand and know not to get his expectation or hopes too high or 2) if he's only interested in sex or anything other than a long term serious relationship then he'll probably end things... which is good because you'll find this out now, not later when/if you develop feelings for him.

  • Usually if you're going to a Halloween party with someone of the opposite sex, it means you're pretty serious about them because they often like to do couples costumes, such as a pair of sneakers, or salt and pepper

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    • 1mo

      We never went together. I went with my friends.

    • 1mo

      You just said you went with him

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you already know it's not a love connection. Why waste any more of either of your time?

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