I DID THIS BEHIND MY BF's back?

My boyfriend of 2 years and I live together. I went to lunch with my male friend (who knows I have a bf). My boyfriend doesn't know as he is against me hanging out with any guys... to top it off he doesn't even know that we talk. Should I continue keeping this a secret?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. You first need to address your motivation for having a guy friend. I have had platonic female friends so I understand that such things are possible. Still, you need to determine whether you are looking for friends or looking for more.

    2. If you are just looking for friendship, then you are your boyfriend need to resolve this matter. This is an opportunity for you two to see how you handle the conflicts which will invariably arise in your relationship.

    3. Sneaking around behind your boyfriend's back is a sign of significant disrespect to him. If you don't agree with his position, respond directly instead of sneaking around. This isn't like having sex with another guy but it is a betrayal in one sense.

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    • 1mo

      The issue is that anytime I bring up the fact that I want to spend time with my male friends, he believes that they are trying to get into my pants! My boyfriend strongly believes that guys and girls cannot be friends, therefore he is 100% against me spending time with any guys...

      I love him but am so tired of fighting about this, that I am doing this stuff behind his back.

    • 1mo

      If you continue to do this, he will eventually learn about it. The fact that you have done it behind his back "confirms" his suspicions. What happens next? Argument: "You're a slut, you're a whore, I never should have trusted you, get the fuck outta my life!"

      If you aren't prepared to spend the rest of your life without platonic male friends, you need to tell your boyfriend that this is a deal breaker.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You are friends, you have done nothing wrong... other than keeping this a secret. You tell your boyfriend that you have a guy friend and then let him decide if he wants to stay or hit the road. Seems unreasonable that he won't let you hang out with guys in a platonic way... but then maybe i don't know the whole story. I just know that i will choose my friends, not my boyfriend and he needs to be ok with that, if he's not then sorry i'm not down for that level of control.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Ok, I understand about wanting lots and lots of friends. I also understand about wanting and having friends of the opposite sex. I can relate to your boyfriend and his insecurities. What I don't understand is why you have to see his guy without your boyfriend with you? Sneaking behind his back is asking for trouble big-time! This is where mature compromise comes in. You should compromise with him that you want to see your friend and you and your boyfriend can see this other guy as a couple. Maybe he has a girl and you all can double date.

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  • Would you be ok with him going off and having dinner with his girl friends?

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  • Wow boyfriend sounds like an insecure dick.

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  • your boyfriend doesn't let you hang with other guys? Sounds insecure as fuck to me. I'd never tell me girlfriend that i was the only guy she could hang out with alone.

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  • You're not doing anything wrong, but secrecy is never healthy.

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  • You done nothing wrong

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  • Yes keep it secret

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  • No tell him. Its not a big deal its just friendships.

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What Girls Said 5

  • I personally could never keep things like that from my boyfriend, as he's my best friend and the person I am the closest too. I believe in honesty in a relationship. You should have been straight with him from the start about your views too.

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  • You have right to an own private life. If your boyfriend is so jalous that he does not accept the fact that you have lunch with another male, he has a problem in life, not you. He does not own you, you are not a piece of furniture.

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  • No secrets especially innocent ones will be the death of the relationship.

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  • Girl I been with a guy like this honestly dating him is not worth it! if he can't handle that you have male friends while he has female friends dump he worthless insecure ass. He can't trust you he shouldn't have you.

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  • No, I'd let my boyfriend know that I have and want to keep guy friends. A controlling partner is not attractive and usually causes more trouble then he's worth. Someone shouldn't be telling you who you can and can't hang out with and hiding things isn't healthy either in my opinion.

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