Why do some people get upset over a guy/girl preference?

I have noticed that every time someone says what kind of guy or girl they like people will get really upset. For instance this one guy said he loves skinny women and doesn't like girls that are overweight I myself is overweight for my height and it did not bother me he even thanked me for taking up for him. Another example I prefer to date white guys, my boyfriend is white, the guys I have dated is white, all of my male crushes are white. People will look at me like it's a bad thing? Plus they will get upset as well. They will get mad if a guy says he likes big breasts/ big butts. If a girl says she likes muscles or like to date black guys. I believe that everyone has the right to have a preference I just don't understand why people gets upset.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, we should clear up something here. Preference is a term too many people use wrongly which is a problem. A preference is something that you would rather have/do more over something else - but that's it. If you only do/like something then that is not a preference, that's an exclusive like.

    Personally, I don't see how color makes a difference in a person to the point it renders someone unable to date someone else and be happy with another person because I'm not that way but that's just how some are. In terms of racial "preferences", it should be understandable why some would feel a certain way about it because of all things, it's their ethnicity - something they have no control over that makes them "un-dateable". Weight and skin color can't be compared because one is genetic while the other 99% of the time can be changed, a person can lose weight if they want to, you can't change your ethnicity.

    Feel free to read my question where I talked about how racism prevented me from entering a relationship and how it affected me later on. I won't say you're a flat out racist, but if you only date white guys, then that is a racial bias and quite frankly... that's fine. Racial biases exists in many ways, too often nobody wants to own up to their own because of the negative connotations behind it relating to racism. Can't do anything about that... however, it does call to question why we tell children to just be themselves when we all know solely being yourself is not enough in this world.

    Just do you, not everyone will take it well... comes with the the territory I suppose, so, hey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because that is one more person off of the list, and sometimes when people explain their preferences they can be very rude.

    It's one thing to say that you don't like black girls, and if you said "Black girls aren't my preference". It would be totally fine then, but when you flip it around and say "Ew, I would never date a black chick!" That is when it becomes a problem and it can be really hurtful. So then these people get insecure and upset because of that. It's like they intentionally try to make you upset which is why it makes people upset.

    If people were a bit more considerate when explaining their preferences then it wouldn't be as much of a problem. Not giving a fuck works too but the passive aggressive way that people explain their preferences doesn't work either.

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    • 1mo

      I totally agree with you. But actually this guy wasn't really trying to be rude, that's why I took up for him. I always explain my reasoning when someone as me and I always say it's because I was born in area where it's majority white, just like how I talk when I'm talking on the phone it shocks people when they see me in person. My dad boss thought he called the wrong number because he said I sounded like a white girl.. I have seen people be rude about their preference and it is hurtful because it's very uncalled for.

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    • 1mo

      You get it? I personally don't have a racial preference and I'm more attracted to personality than physical appearance tho physical appearance is still important it's not as important as personality to me. It's called being demisexual.

      Anyway I'm glad I helped you understand. It's my perspective on things from personal experience. I've been rejected for my race before so I'm going by that firsthand.

    • 1mo

      Yes I get it, and I'm willing to admit it's wrong for me to choose white guys all the time but I don't purposely do it, it just happens. I was even called " racist towards my own kind " and it really hurt because it's not true. Or maybe they are right and I just don't see it as being true, even though I date white guys I still choose personality, I always get talked about because the boys I dated are considered as " burn outs " or " one of those emo types " they even call my boyfriend a burn out because of his situation and they always say of course a typical burn out that gets in trouble, has a record, and dropped out of high school. To me that's all in the past and he's a great guy with an amazing personality and I don't judge anyone because of their past. That's why I totally understand and it really helped me realize. Thank you again.

What Guys Said 17

  • I personally don't care, I do however care about hypocrisy. So when women say a guy has no right to not want to date an overweight girl but then turns around and states she won't date a guy under six foot then that bothers me, or when some one says if you don't date outside your race its because your racist, which is idiotic, just as its idiotic when some one says its self hatred to only date outside your race. So personally I don't think so many people would care if it wasn't for the rampant hypocrisy of it and, if I might be so blunt, the fact that it always seems like its only men who get shamed for their prefferences while for women its called "standards" and some how is more acceptable. Beyond those things I don't see a reason for any one to care.

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    • 1mo

      I totally agree and that's why I took up for him because before he commented they were saying how they want a guy with big muscles and they can't date someone skinny, but nooo as soon he said I rather date someone skinny and not overweight they will yell at him... I have been called racist towards my own kind by so many people it was even making my parents upset because they know I'm not racist. It does really seem like it everytime a guy say something about what they like they will get treated like a bad guy. People always care about someone else, when it comes to clothing, music, what kind of person they date, what they watch, etc.

    • 1mo

      My general rule is as long as it doesn't harm them or some one else I don't care, if it harms them and no one else I will mention it and then move on, if it harms others I will lay into them for it. Beyond that it really shouldn't matter. Some people only date with in their race or outside of their race, that's their choice. Personally I have never had a racial preference so its odd to me but then it really doesn't affect me. Same goes for guys who want a skinny girl, if that's their thing they have that right, personally I find most body types (as long as they are not in the extremes) attractive but again its just me, its like food just because I like something doesn't mean others do but when they try to apply the rules unevenly that's when it becomes an issue.

  • Yesterday's question was--"Have you rejected someone because of her boob size?"----The question poser insisted that accepting or rejecting women because of their boob size was a shallow thought. Do you think it is shallow? You , yourself said that guys like looking at your big breasts. Your L-sized breasts , you consider ugly , but guys like staring at them If guys like to see your breasts and reject someone with A cup size , is it shallow mentality? I have a strong attraction for C-cup , is it shallow mentality? We all have a right to pick and choose what we want. I know nature has not gifted everyone equally. So everyone is not equally attractive. Some are white , some are black. Some are short and some are tall. Some have big lips , some have thin lips. Some have natural long hair and some have colored short hair. Some have beautiful faces. Some have have ugly faces. Are we shallow because we make distinctions and choose according to our preferences. No , to be honest , we are not.

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    • 1mo

      Right and I remembered explaining to someone why I said it. It was because I'm overweight and if I didn't have a big chest guys will not be staring or trying to flirt with me. I always ask my parents and friends why they stare because even with a good brand you can tell they hang and it's ugly because my breasts hangs really low that's why to me it's ugly and I don't understand why I always get stared at. I understand now I really do, and yes we do have a right to pick and choose. I agree with you and thank you for helping me understand now it means a lot

  • Cause people like you it when your the same like everyone else. If your not agreeing with them. It's over. Mainly cause, also there are some truth to it. Even so they must be immature to get upset or react as though a fat man farted.

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    • 1mo

      I understand the girls were getting mad at me when I took up for the guy. Im really nice and dislike bullies and he was not trying get to be mean he was just being honest. It is a little immature to get upset because everyone has a preference, and it's not wrong to have one.

  • i have seen this and i am not really sure. i have not been the happies when i find out that a girl i am interested in has no interest in my "type/style", but i also know that there is no point in arguing with them with it. i have also seen people argue with people in a fairly nasty manner, not sure why. in a hopes of changing them? why would u do it in such a nasty manner? it has to be a jeoulsy rage thing where they are just mad they dont have characteristics that person they like wants. i mean it sucks to be rejected but to not have traits at all basically sucks a bit extra ;). but its being an adult especially a man to walk the fuck away. which most of these people seem unable to do. especially when they usually have no connection to them in the first place... just immature children.

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  • I'm just tired of seeing guys who act like assholes "omg I like skinny girls with their ribs showing, anything more is fat disgusting and unhealthy and anyone who likes more than that has low standards!!" Like shut the fuck up you little virgin teenage bitch. The sad thing is those are the guys all the girls listen to and then they're on here crying cuz they are "too fat" and they barely even have any damn fat at all lol. Jesus christ!!

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  • I agree they are all just personal preferences - It is like you have some control over who you fall for - It is not like you are the boss of a company and saying I will only hire X/Y or Z.

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  • You're right BUT people take offense to this because, in my eyes ethnicity doesn't define you as a person nor does weight. I beleive its more so on personality rather then looks.

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    • 1mo

      I understand thank you. I agree with you as for me I just always end up with a white guy to some people the white guys I date are " burn outs " or " one of those emo types " but I don't really care because they are nice and I like their personality more than anything.

  • Yea I get the same flack for saying I have a preference for white and Asian women. The reason they get upset is simple though. It's usually because they feel excluded, even though they themselves have their own preferences which excludes a bunch of people also. Anyhow, thankfully they're not my problem

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    • 1mo

      I understand, and right exactly the worse things I have seen was this black guy saying so much mean things about black women especially dark skin and everyone was agreeing and laughing. As soon this white guy said he prefers to date white girls only they were treating him like was a racist.

    • 1mo

      I also agree I never care what people think, I was just curious why they care.

  • because some of it is really stupid
    my friend says he thinks all black girls are ugly

    and he is lying
    he just follows the crowd like an idiot
    and one of his exes was interested in me and im brown

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  • I myself am Mexican mestizo and have only ever dated white American/ European girls.. I've hooked up with a few black girls and at least a couple Mexican girls and a Kyrgyz /Russian girl.. black girls generally don't care, but, since I'm brown (Spaniard/native) the Mexican girls don't really care all that much anyway and I don't really gravitate towards them... I guess they automatically know by the way I act, so, they don't like me.. I don't care

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  • I simply hate things I feel are wrong and unfair. I believe all humans deserve perfectly equal respect, rights, etc.

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  • I prefer younger women so when my so reaches a certain age, I'm gonna leave her for a younger model.

    Comes with the territory.

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  • Because they don't fit that preferance.

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  • Because people will feel inadequate when they dont fit others standards.

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  • I prefer Latina girls first then Arab second then white girls but at same time I rather look into person personality than looks. I care less what they prefers but they don't realize they miss out on great person that problem with humans

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  • U hv got big breasts.. I know that... anyway fucking ignore them

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  • At this point, I'll fuck any girl. I have no preference.

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What Girls Said 11

  • 1) because they don't fit them
    2) or the other person could be rude while explaining their preference, for example, " i don't like black girls because their usually overweight, wear weave, and are the lowest girls of the totem pole." see, when all he could've said was he wasn't attracted to them.
    3) they realize its always their outer appearance that people look at and not who they are inside, it makes them see the ugly and shallow side of humans, but other peoples reason for not liking the person is because "he/she is too fat"
    4) their preference hits "home" aka soft spot in the person that's interested

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    • 1mo

      You're second point is spot on.

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    • 1mo

      @lostgirl_searching well, i can appreciate how he explained himself. oh gurl, i know what its like when you question why a guy likes you, cause you'd think he'd see what you see. i used to do that but i quit because it would make him feel as if i didn't trust him. from talking to you online, you may be overweight but i can tell you are a good person. looks may fade, people gain or lose weight, but all that counts is what is in their heart.

      peace and love,
      cross98

    • 1mo

      Hopefully I will change and stop doing it but luckily he understands because of what happened in my past relationship. Thank you so much it really means a lot it truly does.

  • Sometimes people who have a preference can come off as being shallow. And that can annoy those who dont fit that description.

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  • Do you mean on this site or in general? People are just easily triggered. Like if a girl was to post a rant because she got dumped or cheated on, a lot of guys would just say that not guys are like that. Instead of comforting her. People have to realize that not everybody is going to want to date them, and that's just the way of life. Once people realize that, there will be less negativity in the dating world.

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    • 1mo

      I mainly noticed from this photo my friend shared on Facebook. So General. Yes I totally agree with you. I am willing to admit when I was a teenager I didn't realize it but now I do and it doesn't bother me anymore. My friends was shocked that I moved on so quickly once my guy friend said he wasn't attracted to me it even confused him as well, it was like he was expecting me to be really sad or something.

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    • 1mo

      Right exactly, I totally agree with you

    • 1mo

      I decided to even stay single until I figured out my path, and start my career

  • There is nothing wrong with having a preference. But it can upset people... but the way I feel that is their problem. I shouldn't have to change my preferences to suit them. Like I like tall white men. Well I have been called racist... just because I won't go out with a black man. You date who you want... screw who say anything about it.

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  • because everybody wants to be stupid in that they expect you to agree with them at all times. if you're not part of the crowd, or public consensus, they'll flip sh*t. they don't want you to be individual.

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    • 1mo

      Right and it's everything else as well. Clothing, music, what they watch, etc.

    • 1mo

      yeah. and that's exactly why i do not give a crap about society. because they are a bunch of double standard hypocrites, and that b. s. is a waste of time.

    • 1mo

      Right exactly!

  • It's fine as long as you don't think that your preference is better or anyone is less than your preference, I'm good. Some people treat their preferences like facts.

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  • Lol yeah people get triggered when i say my preference is white guys, people like what they like.

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  • Insecurities. Everyone wants to be liked. Also I think people like to hear themselves talk, so jumping to the defense on someone else's opinion makes them feel important.

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    • 1mo

      I kind of thought so too about those girls because they were saying how they love guys with big muscles and they can't be with someone that's really skinny. So it's like how is that okay and it's so wrong about what that guy said? It doesn't make sense.

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    • 1mo

      I understand and you are right dating older guys was another I had for my preference but I'm in love with my boyfriend we are going to have a long term relationship and even talked about marriage and he is 4 years younger than me, I would have never thought seeing myself fall madly in love with someone who is younger.

    • 1mo

      Totally get you! I even went for the complete asshole of all assholes, a fireman. Never thought i'd be into that. But you really surprise yourself! Good luck with your relationship! xxoo

  • No problem with people stating their preferences - were all attracted to different things and what does it for one won't for another. I don't see why it's necessary to be derogatory about those physical traits that you don't particularly like which seems to happen a fair bit

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  • Liberals. for a group that's all about non judgment, they sure like to judge people who don't 100% agree with their way of thinking.

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  • Notice they only get upset when that preference isn't them. When it is them, they'll say oh that's OK everybody has a preference, don't be sad everybody else. Lol.

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    • 1mo

      It's because they are insecure.

    • 1mo

      I saw a girl comment the exact same thing, because she admit that she will say " everybody has a preference " but she will get upset only if someone was being rude. Because it felt like he was purposely being mean

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