How to make her less important in my life?

So from a previous question i asked, the replies where all the same saying i should make myself less available for her, make her earn my trust, attention and make her less important in my life... I tried hard for this girl and she just continues to back away and only messaging me when is convenient for her. At one point she did say we was seeing each other but i don't know where we stand anymore and she doesn't want me to bring things like this up. I do agree i have made it easy for her but i just fell fast and hard ands tuck around waiting for her. Anyway i do really have feelings for her and she is a very large part of my life and I'm finding it difficult to pull away, my concentration and focus always wavers and i break, checking my phone to see if she has messaged... i feel bad when she hasn't messaged and bad when she has as i reply instantly with more effort. Basically does anyone have any ideas on what to do? I'm at uni and sitting in lectures doesn't take my focus from her but in practical classes i don't think about it... the issue is its hard to break my cycle and go out as its been a rough time and I've turned into myself becoming anxious, weak and not the same guy i was. I know i sound like a b! tch and a baby... thats why I'm asking for help because this person isn't me and never has... never felt like this before! so thank you for any advice.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Start concentrating on other stuff and don't pay that much attention to her. I am not saying you should ignore her overall. I am saying you shouldn't go out of your way to constantly remind her of your presence.

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    • 1mo

      Its just difficult as when we started speaking it was all fun all day everyday and now its just not the same and seems like she's not trying to make the effort. She has put the breaks on and stopped us from going nay further full well knowing how i feel. Yet continues to give hope by saying just friends for not, not ready or one yet? does that just mean she doesn't want one with me? Some advice i was given said if she does like you nothing will get in the way of trying? We have been seeing each other for 7 months and not linked arms, not held hands and when i brought up kissing her in a conversation she just said shed laugh and walk away...

What Guys Said 2

  • Help yourself man! You are being needy and have way too high expectations for this person. The fact that she sticks around means she is using you for a quick and easy self esteem boost. She will continue to use you for that so long as you let her. She will never see you as relationship potential because you offer zero challenge. Backing off and changing your status with her is POINTLESS. The internet is peppered with hundred of "How to get her to like you" schemes that simply do not work. Women and men both want others whom they can chase a little, but from different angles. She can't chase you if you're up her ass. She'll just run to shake you out of her bum every time you stick yourself up in there. Your messaging issues. She doesn't respond, or initiate because you are only important to her as a self esteem booster and nothing else. She doesn't want to let that go, but will never be comfortable with taking a romantic step with you. This is what you do. Delete/block her number. Do not message her that you are doing this in a pathetic attempt to garner sympathy. Your self esteem is the only thing that will take the hit when she doesn't respond. Move on with your life. It's hard to shake an addiction/obsession with a girl, but time cures it man. Enhance your personal life. Find something that excites or interests you that doesn't require the acceptance of another person. Woman and men alike gravitate towards people that do shit and take an active role in life. Don't use the "I don't have time" excuse. That's just something you are telling yourself because like most people at their low points, you feel intensely fearful of rejection. If enhancing your personal life is important to you, MAKE THAT YOUR PRIORITY. If your professional/academic life is more important right now. Make that your priority and recognize you are making a sacrifice now, for a better you tomorrow.
    Finally, do not do any of this for her, or for anyone else. Do it for yourself. You and any potential friend/love interest will want to get to know you! Think about this. If you were at a party/social function, are you more likely to want to be around the person who is out having a great time? Or do you feel pulled towards the moping social pariah sitting in a dark corner checking his/her phone every 30 seconds? Think about that hard.

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    • 1mo

      That makes so much sense! Thank you so much pal! Like you said it is hard and i have given her everything on a plate, i just fell for her too dumb and fast. She always kept giving me hope when i was 'leaving' or 'quitting' talking, saying, she doesn't want one now and can't we just be friends for a while before we move on. Still inviting me to her house and on dates... it just messes with my head, especially when i feel like this over her.

    • 1mo

      Take control of your life bro. Make new friends, or reconnect with friends you might have left unattended during this period (it happens man, I know from experience.) It's time for you to find you.

  • She is probably fcking some other guy thats why she doesn't give a fck about u.
    Listen, just tell her "hey i like u and i wana take u out, when r u free?"
    if she gives u the time , then make a date, and end up with sex or at least kissing,
    if she gives any excuse , just say "if u change your mind let me know"
    and then u walk and never look back, i have wasted years and years of my life like u, and im telling u what worked for me.
    hopefully it works for u, and if doesn't , be a man and walk away from her

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    • 1mo

      We have been seeing each other for about 7 months, all I've had is as much as a hug. We have been on a few dates and double dates but she has stopped calling them dates now saying she has too many things in life to be happy about she doesn't need a relationship to be another. This is why I'm finding it harder to move away because there is all these months of meetings, messages and dates... even when she said she liked me to get through

    • 1mo

      DATE mean "whatever ends with sex"
      so u just hung out with her thats it, because u dint go for the kiss,
      kissing leads to heavy petting and that leads to sex,
      whoever guy who will do this to her, he will be her boyfriend

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