Intimacy: how slow is too slow when dating?

Like, kissing, making out, being touchy, holding hands, sex... How many dates or how much time is too slow in your opinion?


Got a fifth date coming up, seen each once a week, couple 2-3 hours each time. We've only kissed a bit, at longest about a chain of 5-6 kisses with no tongue. We're not really intimate otherwise either, like no hand holding, no snuggling... I've tried to initiate a few things but the response feels kinda lukewarm so I just back out and this is starting to feel very friend-zonely?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Look if you love a person, it doesn't really matter. Its all about respecting each others views about it and the decisions you both make together. If you don't want to invest anymore of your time, then you can leave. There is no rules that you two don't make together. So depending on your terms and her terms, you two need to go by that if you really like this person. Please respect whoever you date. Your not friend zoned and you need toe top with that mess. Being touchy is a no-no as well as making out and having sex. Never assume your dating partner is ready or is into any of that. For me as a person, if somebody tries to initiate anything very sexual or sex at all, I would be extremely upset when I said no till marriage. Again, never assume. If you really like this person, ask them instead of thinking so negative. You won't get anywhere when your lacking respect also. If your partner prefers slow, then go slow. That is her terms. If you don't like it, then move on so that she can find somebody who will give her she needs. I say your moving in way too fast because you want sex. Ever hear the term slow and steady wins the race?

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    • 1mo

      Also gonna say what I said to the other poster that you misinterpreted and made it sound like I'm just trynna get in her pants.

      The thing that worries me, is that with too little physical contact, it's not really much of a romantic relationship and it makes me wonder what she thinks of me really. I personally tend to interpret it that she's not that physically attracted to me because as humans, when we see pretty things, we tend to want to touch them.

      Also, a man is usually expected to lead so I don't think trying to start things is a bad idea. If two people are just hanging out without anything ever happening, then sorry that's pretty much just a friend.

    • 1mo

      @Asker

      Its still a romantic relationship. Not saying you are. But what I'm pointing out is respect. It doesn't mean that she isn't physically attracted to you. Again. NEVER assume. Or else it will hurt her, and she will drop you and find somebody else will go on her pace. Plus romance is also a friendship. How do you think married couples strive. They need a partner who is also their best friend. Thats a romantic relationship. You need to stop questioning and just go ask her personally yourself. I'm sure she will feel much respected that you did that and let her know your intentions. I would not want anybody to personally touch me in a manner that I do not agree with. And if she is anybody like me, then respect that. Or else you will have to find somebody else who doesn't mind getting really physical. So unless you really like her, you have to compromise.

    • 1mo

      Also it very much sounds like she is not interested in sex, physical touch and tongue kissing. in fact I hate that as well. If a peck is more of a spark for her, then and you two kissed that many times, you can't say she isn't interested in you. Your just viewing relationships as sex, touching feely and everything you listed above. And if so, your views are very different. So you need to tell her now, or drop it. Its your choice. Because like I said, If somebody did that to me, I would end it and tell them why I did. You have to remember that people have different views about what should and shouldn't be for relationships as well as for their own.

Most Helpful Guy

  • you're counting the dates on your fingers like a kid. If you're just taking her out to get some pussy then maybe tell her that you two aren't a good fit, otherwise just give her some time to get to know you.

    How well can you really know someone after 4 dates

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    • 1mo

      Hmm funny how both posts made so far completely got it wrong. That's not at all what I'm going for but what sets a date apart from just a regular hang out with a friend is what I'm thinking.

What Girls Said 1

  • Some people need to get to know someone a lot before they are willing to get intimate. If that's not your style and makes you feel like they aren't interested then you might be better off leaving to find someone who is a little more your pace. You should try talking to them about it first though. Find out what their views are on intimacy, the pace they envision this going, and how they feel about what you envision the pace going.

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    • 1mo

      Right but that's kinda what I'm wondering about and why I made this question.

      Because I'm stuck trying to figure out if she's just taking her time, which is fine, or if it's a lack of interest that's the reason.

      The problem with talking about it, is that to me, it makes it feel so serious. Like, we're only five dates in and talking about these kind of topics feel heavy and very... relationship-ish.

What Guys Said 1

  • Personally, if you really like her and the date is going well you should at least have made out or gotten a kiss on the first date. If you're really into each other, I expect to sleep together within the first 3 dates.

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    • 1mo

      I generally don't work that fast but I agree. The way I see it, the intimacy should escalate the more you date them. Right now, the "intimacy level" we're on, is about the same as the second or third date. There's no progress and that's indeed worrisome.

    • 1mo

      To me all it says is that she's following some stupid rules to hold herself back (if that is the case). If I'm having a blast on a date and she is too and we're connecting really fast, why would you stop that other than because of some stupid rules? If a girl is not willing to let go and go with the flow it just means that she's not ready to be completely submissive to love. I think of it like this: If I was "the one" for her, would she really want to wait? I very highly doubt it, she'd probably want to rip my clothes off on the first date.

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