Interested in a new guy I've recently become acquainted with, but he thinks my best friend and I are in love with each other. We're not. Advice?

I met this new guy (Mitch), who isn't in my usual social circle. We both just recently joined an organization in my university, and are starting to get closer. Over drinks with a few friends one quiet night, I told him a bit about my past--more specifically, about my best (guy) friend (Dom), who also happened to be in the org.

Mitch and I were sitting alone talking while Dom was with a group of friends. Dom had had a family crisis, and so left earlier than usual that night. He said his goodbye to me, and as per usual, we said our round of farewells and I love you's (this is normal for us). As Mitch and I were talking, I happened to bring up an old story of how Dom had once drunkenly called me at 2AM, and pleaded me to be with him, while regretting his decision to get back together with his then-girlfriend (I had a boyfriend at the time and Dom didn't remember the events the next morning, and did not recall this conversation ever occured). I also happened to bring up how I'd previously had feelings for Dom, but they've since long passed.

Mitch is trying to convince me to try things out with Dom. (Dom is currently pining after another girl.) But little does Mitch know, I've started had feelings for him for about a month now. I've only built up the guts to start investing in him now, but he's still under the impression that Dom and I are in love with each other, despite my best efforts to desuade him. I told Dom about it, and he thinks the best solution is to be honest to Mitch about my feelings. I'm afraid that if I do, it will ruin our friendship. What should I do?

Background on Dom: We've been absolute best friends since high school, and are very close in a sense where others who aren't familiar with us have the may think we are an item. This is probably because we're very affectionate and playful with each other and at times, innocently flirty. We also refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend, but only in a joking way.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Just tell Mitch you're into him, and be rather bold about it so he doesn't think he'll be losing out to Dom any time soon. If he doesn't like you back, then follow his lead as to how the situation falls out. Whether that be no longer talking, or becoming buddies. GL!

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  • I believe you simply need to let Mitch you are interested in him. Guys value upfront and straight-forward talk and actions. Unfortunately, we aren't lucky to get such women in our lives all the time so guys like Mitch have to assume things from a woman's past. To avoid an awkward 'sit down' talk, try asking Mitch out with an intention to get to know him romantically. This will make him open to the idea that perhaps you aren't so tied to Dom and you really are interested in him. Goodluck and I hope everything ends up well :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • Look for me, there's a problem with the closeness of your friendship with Dom. I can see why Mitch thinks you have feelings for him because while hanging out, you've said you love him, you've told him how before you've had feelings, and how he wanted you at one point. Now to YOU it may be obvious that those feelings are gone, that he was drunk etc. But to an outsider that may be starting to like you, it's hard to believe "are those feelings really gone if she's saying I love you".

    And even if you were to start a relationship, would you be able to one day accept him saying "I can't handle you saying I love you to someone else". I'm not saying there's something wrong with your friendship, but if that's how it appears to him now. He may not be able to handle that.

    Some people can, some people can't. Doesn't mean either are wrong necessarily.

    But if you want him, and he could handle it but he just isn't sure of your feelings, perhaps make it more obvious. But if he thinks you have feelings for Dom, that probably isn't going to leave the back of his mind.

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