If a man is incapable of asking women out, is he doomed to be single forever?

I'm 30, but I just can't ask women out. I have tried to push myself, tried different ways, even sought therapy, but nothing works. I lack confidence and self esteem, and suffer from sever inferiority complex with women. These issues are too deep, they can never be fixed.

I just want to know, is it even possible for me to somehow get a woman interested in me without explicitly asking her out? Or should I just accept the fact that I should be content being single?

Mail order bride from a third world country is also an option, but I find it unethical so I won't consider it.


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What Girls Said 32

  • I am going to respond to a few things you posted so please see below.

    You: suffer from sever inferiority complex with women.
    Me: Is it just with women and romance that you feel you suffer from an inferiority complex? Do you feel confident and self assured in your work and social interactions?

    You: I just want to know, is it even possible for me to somehow get a woman interested in me without explicitly asking her out? Or should I just accept the fact that I should be content being single?
    Me: I think women expect men to ask them out and this is not likely to change. However, I think using a tool like online dating may help you in being able to get to the point of asking a woman out. Especially with a site like eharmony which has a structure and natural progression to communication that culminates in a man asking a woman out.

    You: Mail order bride from a third world country is also an option, but I find it unethical so I won't consider it.
    Me: Why is it consider unethical? Regardless of it being ethical or not, I do not think it is a good solution. I believe men get more gold diggers from this avenue than others so I would caution you on this approach.

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    • 27d

      Your forgetting that a woman will ask a guy out if she sees him as high class, so if he became wealthy or famous his odds of women throwing themselves at him will increase 10 fold. So this will be a good time for him to develop a plan and focus on gathering wealth

  • Just because YOU can't ask women out doesn't mean that a women can't ask YOU out! Yes, it's uncommon, but it's still possible! Don't give up hope simply because of your age! There's many people who haven't found anyone at your age, trust me! I know that it seems like everyone around you is dating in married, trust me, that's not the case. There's tons of single people! Okay, if you lack self esteem issues maybe try online dating? Check out some websites! It'll help boost your confidence when you message her, since you don't have to talk in person :)

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    • 27d

      Lol you do realize that you just contradicted yourself. If it's rare that women ask men out then it is quite possible that he could go his whole life with a girl ever asking him out.

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    • 27d

      It's a numbers game and all he has do is increase his odds, if he goes to a country where his type is rare women will approach him, if he lives on his own and drives a nice car that also increases his odds. There is plenty of things he can do to get women to approach him raither than doing nothing.

    • 27d

      @cchris987 yeah naturally! For sure. There's always things that one could do. And it does depend on the type of people that's he's often around. For example, if he's always at bars etc. Or in a gym.

  • If a man is incapable of asking women out, is he doomed to be single forever?
    Not if he is attractive and appealing. As such guys are generally pursued by gals.

    If you are an average dude you likely will be single or will want to be as the gals who approach are probably of way lower leagues.

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  • yes, it's possible (hypothetically speaking) to get a woman's interest. Is it possible without you have to put in any effort at all though? Unlikely. The best thing you can hope for if you're willing to put in zero effort are women who couldn't get anyone better. So... really, the bottom of the barrel-type quality.

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  • There are two ways to deal with this:

    a) ask out somebody you don't find intimidating (etc... uneducated, average looking, older etc...)

    b) ask out girls over and over again until you fear disappears. I know a guy who asked out 300 girls before getting even one date and he was very good looking and smart - he was just a stutterer and that made it hard for girls to view him as worth their time.

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  • I've asked a guy out once, it worked out for me... I don't much care for the "guys ask out girls not the other way round" society. If I like a guy, I'm going to be forward about it.

    You could try being subtle, show that you like her in different ways other than the "will you go out with me?". Give her flowers, take her out for meals, talk about yourself let her know you want her to know you. Feelings will grow and without even asking you'll establish a relationship :)

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  • How about you try to work on your own self esteem? in my opinion I won't want to date a guy who doesn't have a crazy dream he is chasing, say, have a goal in life. Maybe you can try self-discovery by mingling with people, volunteering or picking up a skill. I feel that you can improve on your inferiority complex, by being in a team of people and it requires you to interact with them, maybe you could see yourself in a whole new light, it could give you a confidence boost. If you become absorbed and confident in what you do, women will want to know more about you and you might have a chance of dating.

    Maybe you want to try to socialize in specific gatherings to meet a specific someone, like you can never find a person who likes to travel at a bar because they are too busy with their lives. This could help.

    Women in their thirties want stable finance and responsible men, you could be one of them, try getting back inti the scene and don't give up hope. All the best!

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  • Most women don't ask out. There is just so much fear of rejection or you thinking we're desperate that it's not likely to happen.
    I'm not saying it never happens, but it's just not something to expect of young women.

    Older women however, are more likely. So unless you want to remain single until you're in your 40s, 50s, realistically, don't wait out.

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  • It's always an option but sadly social norms make those chances slimmer.
    Have you tried just working on your confidence around women without the intent of asking them out? Go speed dating or to social groups with the idea of conversing and gaining some insight on body language without the pressure of "must get a date"?

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  • not only single but without anything of worth whatsoever. If you can't go out and get what you want in life you are destined to go without. Nobody will just give you anything

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  • First off, never say never.
    Next, did you try online dating?

    Are you capable of befriending women? First focus on that. Just having female friends and getting more comfortable talking to them might make you morecomfirtable talking to other women as well. furthermore, friendship is a way better base for a relationship than a few dates. But dating the woman you try to befriend shouldn't be the goal, it might happen or it might not. There's no point in pushing it.

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  • No I wouldn't say you were doomed for that reason. I'd say, more so if you were incapable of initiating conversations with the people of your interest.

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  • Nah, but you'd probably have to settle for only girls who are willing to ask you out. That shouldn't really be much of a problem these days, considering that more women are now taking the initiative :-) I asked my ex out initially because he was too shy to. the relationship went quite well & he eventually opened up to me. (he's an ex because we drifted and ended things there)

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  • No one is going to tell you any different other than the fact, you have a choice. Those mindless dialogue in your head is of your own doing.

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  • You have to know what you don't want more, to be single or to ask a girl out. I hope it works out for you.

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  • yeah you'll be single till you find someone who doesn't have any guys after her

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    • 27d

      Why won't girls ever initiate?

    • 27d

      @notsoromantic
      They don't have to its just nature. If you weren't working on yourself in your early 20's then you should be alright. Older guys should have it easier with younger chicks...

    • 27d

      So far chicks pretty much!

  • Well no, you just have to be more open to women asking you out. If that doesn't scare you then you will be fine

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  • Stop being a weak cuck, that's your problem. If you can't, then you'll never get a woman... nor will you deserve one.

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    • 27d

      Do you ask people out?

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    • 27d

      I guess that makes it a little better? XD
      But would you say that to a woman in the same situation?

    • 25d

      @Harpesian
      Yes. No action, no results.

      But I will say that it is extremely unattractive for a man not to do the asking. It makes him look weak... because 9/10, he is.

      QA, feelings of confidence don't come until AFTER you've actually done something. Action first, feelings second. Stop being a cuck.

  • In this day and age? Unfortunately, yes. Men are forced to make the first move. You'll be alone if you don't.

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  • Why don't you just try? You'll probably fail since you'll be really nervous, but you'll see most of the fear isn't real. Do you honestly think a perfect stranger would say yes? Just have fun.

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  • I just wanna point out, that being "single" is NOT being doomed. I'm single and I most definitely don't consider myself doomed in any way shape or form. Being single and free is GREAT!😁

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  • yes cuz most women are not gonna aprouch the man soo if you don't approuch her nothing will happen

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  • Yep.

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  • Pretty much.

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  • sure is!!

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  • I believe that u will find a woman that loves you just. The way you are !

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  • Maybe you are gay or bi, but since you have made no effort to put yourself out there, i can guarantee a large chance you will never be in a relationship. I approach guys and even when guys say they like being approached, they really do not mean it

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  • Rather than looking at this situation from strictly dating by specifically asking a woman out, perhaps try seeing it and approaching it from another angle.

    So, rather than getting anxious over not being able to ask a woman out, try seeing where your interactions with a woman lead. Instead of asking her out (as in a date), try something along the lines of (for example)...
    "I keep hearing about this really good place to eat; people keep talking about how good the food and service are, and they have really good online reviews. I kind of want to try it after hearing about all this hype; do you maybe want to check out this place with me?"

    In that way, you're not explicitly asking her out; you're just asking if she'd like to hang out and try something with you; on her end, there's no real commitment of a "date" because it's just a casual meal. If you find that you're genuinely interested in her, and feel like she's reciprocating, try hanging out with her several more times like this (still not specifically asking her out on a date). By doing so, you might find that your confidence will increase, and maybe, after several of those types of interactions with said woman, you'll be comfortable enough to ask her out (or she'll make the move and ask you out!)

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  • Have you ever considered something less obvious than a date? I mean as in, asking a girl you like if she'd like to join you to check out a cool new movie you're into or this new restaurant that opened that you heard was good etc. It seems so decent, and pretty much always works! If you don't try something new, things won't ever magically change. If you're extremely nervous, try taking a shot of alcohol before and then ask her to join you for an activity :)

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  • NO... girls can ask out too, there are just some of us that don't

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    • 27d

      Some? Lol men rarely get approached by girls unless where rich or famous

    • 27d

      And by "some" you mean "almost all".

    • 26d

      Yeah I would say in my life the only girls that have approached me where over weight or old, if a cute girl would you approach someone if you don't have to.

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What Guys Said 62

  • The odds aren't in your favor, if you can't get the job done when asking women out your chances are severely reduced. Of course that a woman can ask you out and solve this problem for you, but I wouldn't count on it.

    Well, I completely understand you because in the past I used to be like you, mainly because I was fat and had low self confidence. After deeply regretting twice, I realized I had to change and I did. One thing is certain: after the first time you ask someone out, it gets easy.

    You just need to do it ONCE! It doesn't mean success, you can get rejected, but at least you'll proove yourself that you can do it. So, what do you have to lose? Nothing, it can't get worse than it already is. Do it! Try it! Don't think, just do it! You'll feel better and you'll see that your fears were nothing.

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  • "I lack confidence and self esteem, and suffer from sever inferiority complex with women. These issues are too deep, they can never be fixed. "

    Not trying to fix any issue makes any chances of the issue being fixed, regardless of what it was, now zero. In other words, you telling yourself it can't be fixed, stops it from being fixed even if it could be.

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  • alcohol... then you'll ask out anyone who has a pulse. trust me it's the ultimate confidence booster.

    or try tinder... you swipe right if you like someone or left if you don't... and no one knows which way you swiped so it's totally anonymous. if you get a match then you know there's at least some level of sexual attraction so that should give you a boost of confidence since you know she already likes you

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  • If these issues can't be fixed (not true btw) then stop fucking complaining. Give up. You're pathetic. You're doomed to be single forever. Unless you're willing to change, get better looking and man up and do something about it you fucking pussy

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  • certainly harder to get a partner if you are unwilling to ask them out... but not impossible

    some women will approach a man first
    you can try online dating

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    • 27d

      or perhaps tell friends about how hard you find it to approach women and ask them if they could set you up with someone

  • If you manage to get a woman interested in you, how will it move up to the next level if you don't ask her out?

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  • No, he is not doomed to be single forever. There is always a chance that a woman may like him and may ask him out ( in future) but the chances will be less though.

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  • The offchance that a woman might ask you out is there but it is infinitely small. Women practically don't ask out so there isn't much use to rely on that happening.

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    • 28d

      Women will ask you out if she has a lot of more to gain by being with you than you with her.

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    • 28d

      @BubbleBoy69 half the guys I've asked out were unemployed and the others were working part time while I work full or 2 jobs.

    • 28d

      @BuchitaBuchys how in the flying fuck am I sexist? I'm just stating an observation made by me and countless other men out there.

      Is it also sexist to say that men are physically superior to women?

  • Have you tried online - You might feel more comfortable talking to a woman online rather than to her face then become comfortable enough with her to meet.

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  • A girl has to like you before she's going to say yes to you asking her out. So yes, you can get a woman interested without asking her out. You don't have to ask her out at all. Enjoy the day/night that you have with her and feel things out from there. Worst case scenario, just don't make it a date. Invite her to an event you're already planning on going to.

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  • Not necessarily, but you'll have very little options. I think your best option is through friendship.

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  • Your mistake: "They can never be fixed."

    You're right.. They can't be fixed if you keep telling yourself that.

    I don't give a shit how hard you think you've tried, a mere simple mentality switch can literally change everything. It's never too late or too deep.

    Stop this BS down talk to yourself and make yourself believe you got what it takes until it actually comes true.

    Stop saying "I lack this or that" and say "I HAVE this or that"

    Then go out and approach the first girl you see, SCREW UP big time... The bigger the better. Now go back and review what you did wrong.
    Check that off the list.
    Don't do it next time.
    Approach the next girl and repeat the process.

    Eventually you'll have a full checklist, minimal errors, and will build your confidence up. Approaching girls won't seem so bad after that.

    It's just easy to say "I can't!" because it takes little effort.
    But if you really want it, yell "I can!" and go out and do it.

    It's that simple.

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    • 27d

      Exactly, can't believe how frustrating it is hearing guys complain about something they believe they can't change when in reality they can and many people have, they're just too lazy and lack the self discipline to actually push themselves.

  • There are girls who do make the first move, but if you know that the interest is mutual... what's stopping you?

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  • Jesus christ, chat em up, don't catcall, don't obsess, don't creep, treat em normal, ask. They might surprise you. And for f*** sake, they're not meat. Don't ask them out because you feel you HAVE to, do it because you want to and like them. Like, as a way to continuing your interaction with them.

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  • Well if you get yourself into a situation which allows you in interact with women, that may help.
    Let's say a job for example.

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  • Not really. But due to gender norms... if you're American - guys are expected to make the first move while girls are just supposed not say anything despite if they do like someone. There are a good amount of women (of the older bracket I believe) who won't waste any time approaching you if they're attracted to you. Try going to bar, sounds cliche, but there is bound to be women who are "on the prowl".

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  • Women will sometimes do almost, or all, the work for you, but not have no self esteem and have an inferiority complex with women.

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  • 99% of the time... yes he is doomed to be single for life!

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  • Dating is very unfair to men If they weren't born with pretty boy looks, money/rich family and status.

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  • Not necessarily. A gal could ask you out, but it's more common for the guy to ask / make the first "noticeable move."

    I use to be like you TBH, working on myself and accepting / embracing myself has helped a LOT.

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  • Lol the only way to tackle the problem is to actually ask her out and accept the fact that you could be rejected. But if you don't ask her out how would she know that you are interested? Lol do it before someone else does.

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  • Online dating might help >.<

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    • 27d

      Honestly though, the biggest problem is your mentality about your self esteem. I'm in the same damn boat as you, I'm shy as FUCK, my social skills aren't good, and I have social anxiety and I think I'm ugly as hell. But I'm working on improving all of that shit. I've even had quite a few positive experiences with girls and women in the past year. I haven't found a girlfriend, but without going into too much detail, a lot of good and confidence boosting things have happened lately and it makes me feel better and better every day. And all of it is due to me working on myself and not sitting on my ass crying about how shitty of a person I am and how I can't be fixed. You can be fixed and you have to get off your ass and do it yourself just like I am. But I know what you're thinking "nah, I have it worse than this guy." Yea I doubt it, unless you lived a fucked up life full of psychological and physical trauma I fucking doubt it buddy, so get up and get to it.

  • If no girl has asked you out yet, then you're likely going to have to put in all the work and make it happen dude. So yes, you're going to have to get over that hump talk to women and ask them out. Some guys get asked out, others not so much...

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  • I dont do well asking either, but I have been asked out many times, if you can't ask you need to make sure you are approachable, smiles, being happy, stuff like that

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  • You need some more therapy my man. You're not ready yet -- and that's okay.

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  • Well, there are a few instances where someone could be interested in you. Either you
    a) look really good
    b) really smart
    c) have a lot of money

    While these won't make someone like you, it'll attract a lot of attention to you and you won't feel very awkward when you're talking. If you have an inability to talk with women naturally, then yeah, you're gonna be single for quite a while.

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  • Wtf is mail bride? First time reading it... Anyway, can you tell me a bit more about yourself before I give an answer. How do you look and what is your height? If you look good you can get a girl interested in you supposing you have a job too.

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  • No. Eventually you'll run into a desperate older woman who can't get dick anymore and she'll give you the ole college try. Hang in there.. she's almost desperate enough...

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  • Well a girl might ask you out one day. Try to find a wingman to help you break the ice. Can you hold a conversation? Generally that will get a girl's attention faster than any cheesy greeting or pick up line. Although, those do have their place.

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  • Ur weak

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