Seriously... Is there even a way to be an appealing regular black guy?




See my problem is I was raised by educated people... But not like... Super on their high horse about it or anything. In any case, I went to boarding school, went to college and the I'm not that different from my white friends. Thing is I'm not that different from my black friends eaither... I'm middle of the road. But my black friends have Swagger and my white friends are white. Both of those are big plusses when it comes to dating! I have sooo many friends but with women it's almost like they see a datable white guy... Only minus 10 points for being black... And then I don't get the additional swagger points. I kind of feel like an average white guy with a skin deformity or the opposite... Which is what I really am a black guy with a swag deformity.

Why don't girls like black guys who are just regular ass people? I mean black girls too by the way. They aren't into this shit either. They would only take my personality if they got to say they were dating a white guy. If a black guy has everything a white guy has except for the skin color but also losses the dancing and phyical ability... They're just seen as lame. I'm tall and I used to be jacked. When I was it was kind of worse because everyone thought I was like a pro athlete and expected the swagger again. Thing is... I always figured if I just worked on myself I'd attract women... And I kinda do, I attract people... But it's like I really have to align myself up with attracting women and that's not my focus but... Dann like I'd think I should be about as sucessful with them as my friends are.


0|1
11|8

What Girls Said 11

  • I only date black guys. it's not about your swag, maybe you're just a nut-ass dude. if you're surrounding yourself with white people & hanging out at white spots then you're a nut. no one wants no black guy that acts white. you can be educated & still have a black man personality

    2|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      I mean I went school for 8years surrounded by white people... So most of my friends are white because I met them over the last 8 years. I have black friends and I hang with em. I'm from the Bronx. I listen to rap. I have dreads. I'm not Carlton lol. ... But I also have no idea what a Nut ass dude is... Never heard that phrase lol. Kinda shows my predicament

    • Show All
    • 25d

      Don't really know what a black man personality is. Thats probably the problem. Grew up with a single mom. I'm writing my own "tome of manliness" I guess. Honestly to simplify shit. I'm basically Donald Glover's character in atlanta as far as how I act. That's me. I interact with black people but I interact with white people too. I end up partying with white people more just cuz my black friends always busy or when they party they wanna dance which I can't do at all lol. I like to go to shows and I do dance but I just do whatever. I ain't on that level haha. Maybe you have a point though, I probably come off as that type of guy but I'm not really that worried about changing it. If that's what happens when I put in no effort to do anything in particular than thats probably just me. Either way I don't feel like I have a problem hanging out with black people or people in general. I'm just the type a guy with a few good friends, lots of friendly accuaintences and no interested girls.

    • 24d

      Amen! U said exactly what I was thinking! Race does not matter. I'm black and am attracted to all races.

  • I think it's all about the look in your case. If you dress differently then everybody else then your good. I'm not saying nerdy with glasses, high pants you get where I'm going... But all the multiple heavy chains just stands out. Where 1 necklace (doesn't have to be long), and for pants wear them where u feel comfortable, you don't have to wear them under your butt! Your gonna get more girls because you'll be less intimidating =P it works for me and my girls

    0|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      Hahahahaha. This is hilarious.

    • Show All
    • 23d

      @Nelsoen that's good

    • 22d

      @Nelsoen I know exactly what you mean. I have neat dreads and I work at a bank. I get crazy looks and sometimes outright complements from strangers for the juxtaposition. I'm not a great "closer" though. It's honestly probably that more than anything else. Guess I was just hoping to play the more subtle game a lot of my white and mixed friends get away with but every thing about me probably sets girls to expect a more direct approach.

  • If you are interested in people who minus 10 points for you being black, then you are interested in the wrong people...

    1|0
    0|0
    • 22d

      You don't always notice that going in.

  • Who the hell are the people you've encountered in your life?

    3|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      Pretty mixed group. Enough to make me think that it's probably me.

    • 24d

      There's someone for everyone, even for you dude. If it means anything you sound kinda like my boyfriend and I love him with all of my heart and soul.

  • See dude whether you are white or black personality matters both ways... Yeah white people have advantages and I've always wanted to be white too (I'm brown btw) but I learned to deal with it... it's pure luck dude.. And I think if u have looks u don't need complexion

    0|0
    0|0
  • Firstly, stop focusing on race. That is your first problem. Second, the way one presents themselves (Not just appearance) is a big factor.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 22d

      It's kind of hard not to. I wouldn't say it's a predisposition or anything. I don't view everything in the context of race but when half of the girls interested in me are in the heavy side and start talking about all of their black exes so I get "clued in" it comes up. And when all of the black girls I find attractive end up being the types that only or primarily date white guys I notice a trend. Tbh this is only coming up because I started using tinder again and all of the girls I match with are the same type and there are very few of them. Its a terrible app and I should delete it but it made me remember how badly black people do outside of their race on dating sites in general. I wouldn't care if I hung out with more black people but I don't so this is a constant thing that effects me.

  • I think your main problem is confidence. If you keep telling yourself you're not whatever you feel you need to be, you will start to act like it and others will start to believe it.

    1|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      I've no idea what I need to be. I always just react in a girls interest. Of she seems interested I move in it. It just doesn't happen often.

    • Show All
    • 25d

      Yea basically what I do. Guess I should just keep doing what I do. I dunno though I've had friends tell me that I always seem really interested in what people are saying... The dude said it as a compliment/insult. He said that he himself never cares he just listens for the things that he can use
      .. He's an asshole. But to be honest I think that plays into it a bit. I don't find everyone interesting... I just don't engage with boring people So it seems like I'm interested in everyone I guess. But I notice that sometimes girls that I engage in whatever they're talking to get so wrapped up in the conversation that we shift away from the flirting. Like I engage too much of them and they accidently connect to me as a person lol. My friends always keep it really casual and stuff but that shits boring and pointless to me. I don't think women are used to guys wanting to genuinely talk to them... And sleep with them. Think it throws them off haha.

    • 25d

      I think it's a good thing you can carry girls into interesting conversations. Just try to remember to return to the flirting later on :)
      throwing a woman off isn't a bad thing either - women really dig guys who are interesting and unexpected :P

  • Don't worry about fitting in or anything like that. Try to meet as many people as you can and build connections with women who are interesting but may be a little different than what you're always going for.

    0|0
    0|0
  • have you thought about dating a religious black woman that you meet in church? I have attracted different types of men but as a chinese woman - the chinese guys were the ones that were most likely to pursue me or ask me out.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      My cousin is super religious. We're really close. There's benefits to that but I'm not that religious not do I need a girl that is and the idea of reining religion to get women is deplorable.

    • Show All
    • 25d

      Well you could try to meet black woman because even though many people are attracted to different cultures, most people prefer their own culture more than other cultural groups.

    • 25d

      Yea. Guess my problem is that I don't really have a preference and hang out more with whites. Really I wish I could find the type of black girl that dates white guys... Before she finds her white guy lol. My last girlfriend was black and as far as women I've been with it's pretty even between those two

  • if you stop thinking yourself as some lesser being to your friends then womenwill stop thinking of you like that. its all about confidence

    0|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      I hadn't but I mean... Patturn recognition. It only occurs to me because my friends all got back into tinder and I tried it again... Then remembered black people don't do well on it. Made me think. There's nothing about me that makes me think I'm less. The only think that makes me thing people may see me as less is the way they treat me. And it's just this one area. I get so much awesome shit from being the only black guy in the room. It's great at parties, I'm eye catching. I do awesome networking at work. If it can be good in some areas it stands to reason that it can be bad in others. I'm trying to see if this is one of those areas. Also you're 14 lol

    • Show All
    • 25d

      hmm you're the one asking for help

    • 25d

      And thank you for your contribution.

  • Not one single black guy I know has problems getting girls, from lawyers down to drug dealers, they get girls (of all races) because they come across a certain way and people like them.
    It's not because you're black, there's something else. I don't know what, because you sound normal from the very small bit I read about you, so maybe it's just the way you hold yourself or if you're already going in thinking they'll reject you.
    It could be confidence though
    "I always figured if I just worked on myself I'd attract women"
    Meaning you started this whole thing already thinking you weren't up to par and needed to be a better person.

    0|0
    0|1
    • 25d

      Well ibstsrted this whole thing 10 years ago 1st 330 lbs so yea. I wasn't up to par lol. Been a looong time since then though but what I meant is that I figured just being self driven and making good life decisions for myself would naturally be attractive even if I didn't say, read a PUA handbook or get a car that women like or figure out where the best spots to pick up women were. I didn't do any of that shit. I just did shit that was actually genuinely interesting to me.

    • Show All
    • 25d

      Haha I meant the type of girl she is. Like party girls, book girls etc..

    • 25d

      I don't know, smart, direct, reasonable... Like logical I guess. Besides that she just needs to have her own stuff going on, be interested about things outside of herself. That's about it.

What Guys Said 8

  • As a black guy who grew up in a diverse community. You just gotta own that shit. Girls do not care. It's only if you have a problem with it that it becomes a problem. "Normal" is relative. The thing is when most people say act normal. They mean act white. Truly acting normal is just being who you are and letting yourself be ok with it.

    If you're just a cool guy girls will like you regardless. Even if they have hangups over where you come from. I remember a black girl I met up with in Texas who asked me what ethnicity my ex was. When I said White she immediately said, "I knew it". Well 3 hours later that didn't stop her from pulling me onto the dance floor in the cantina. Doing shots with me. Feeling me up and asking me if I liked her, even tho she was with someone else. By the time we got back to the cars the guy she was with said maybe I should be the one to take her home, because she's more likely to fuck me. And he was pissed over it. That guy was far more fitting to the ghetto black stereotype. Had gang relations. Sells weed. In and out of prison. None of that mattered.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 25d

      As long as you're not dealing with a horrible racist, then race/culture does not matter much. Maybe on a surface superficial level. She might pick another guy out of a lineup who is more "her type". But when getting to know you? That shit goes out the window.

  • So you are basing yourself self esteem off of your friends ability to "get" women?
    Ever considered that this ^^^ brilliant show of insecurity may be the reason why?
    Women are like hounds man, you want em to come to you, you gotta have something they want. Now according to you, that is skin color and "Swag"...
    Ok, we can't do anything about the skin color... but we can do something about the swag... thing is... everybody has their own... you just gotta find yours.
    I have the same back ground as you too... boarding school and all... except, i don't compare myself. and girls see this... and they seem to like it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 25d

      I'm basing my ability to get women off of my friends ability to get women. Not my whole sense of self. I used to be laughably bad at getting women but really fucking good at a lot of other shit. It be like that sometimes haha. I'm comparing Apple's to Apple's here not to oranges.

    • Show All
    • 25d

      I don't know if that's weird*

    • 25d

      i get what you mean, you want to be able to have options... hey, its what i do too. sadly none seem good enough to "lock down"... and a couple that do... have kids..
      Red flag.

  • you sound similar to me. was raised in private education by upper middle class parents who pushed the importance of education

    yes i think you can definitely be appealing. in a lot of ways you may be especially appealing as you contrast the idea of the stereotypical black guy

    0|1
    0|0
  • Personally I think you're an idiot and your game is just weak lol I've never even heard of "minus 10" for being black; I've only heard of my skin as a plus in the dating world.

    You're an idiot because you compare yourself to your friends. You obviously lack self-confidence or you wouldn't be asking this question. Personally when I walk up and talk to her girl I like I don't care whether or not she's into black guys, in fact I don't even put the question into consideration. My only question is "is she into me?" Because that's all that really matters.
    Using the word "swagger" makes you sound like an idiot. Please just stop, self-reflect, and grow the fuck up

    0|0
    0|0
    • 22d

      It's only in retrospect that the race thing comes out. I talk to so many white people that if I was worried about being black I'd be constantly shutting myself. Its not until I sit down and look back that these questions come up. Again I have no problem talking to women. But I'll put it like this. I'm good at talking to people... So I'm good at talking to Women because they're people. But... Apparently that's diffrent from getting laid. I'd have to say yea my game probably sucks, mainly because I don't hit on girls often... Not many girls attract my attention so I guess I don't get much practice. Probably only hit on like one or two girls a month... And by hitting on I mean start talking to. I've considered looking up how to attract women and doing that shit but... Fuck man tJay just seems like admitting defeat. I'm not trying to pick a personality off of a shelf here. At the same time I don't do super well freestyling it either. I mean... Guess I make a lot of friends lol.

  • It's not you... ide definitely be your friend too. Not a damn thing wrong with you. In Hawaii , you'd be lucky quite quickly. Even though. , I know you will definitely hook up soon , just be patient.

    0|0
    0|0
  • S sorry bro brown skin subconscious racism accept it

    1|0
    0|0
  • Now you understand the problem white guys are having now.

    0|0
    0|0
  • There's always going to be people who will stereotype you because you're a black man and black men have harsh stereotypes. You just have to not worry about it and continue living life the way you are now. The more you worry about it the lower your self esteem will be.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...