I was direct when asking a woman out but still not working?

so recently i have decided to change myself and refuse to let myself get thrown in the friend zone. so when I meet a girl I like I am up front about it and ask her on a date. no telling her I wanna be friends, just straight out saying I want a date with you.

however it hasn't been working? I've asked 5 women I wanted a date with them straight up after meeting them and 2 said no while the other 3 gave me their number but essentially never texted me back. I get they were just being nice to not reject me in my face. but it was still annoying to thought she liked me but not really.

so what am I doing wrong? I thought women wanted a more direct guy to approach them? no bullshit. I haven't given up but maybe a few pointers would help make the next one successful.


0|0
8|19

What Girls Said 8

  • Could be a matter of attraction, or you are jumping the gun too quick. Get their number first, chat once, then try asking. A lot of women are quick to reject due to past experiences so it's good to give them a reason to be interested first.

    1|3
    0|0
  • Women on average, will prefer to be approached directly. On AVERAGE. Not every single woman.

    Also, that doesn't mean you approach any girl who you find attractive and ask her to join you for a date as part of your introduction. There's a difference between coming on too strong/being straight up creepy and being direct.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Show All
    • 24d

      wasn't necessarily on the street per say but I've done that a few times and its worked. well... after a little conversation of course and definitely without the lip licking.

    • 24d

      @Tdieseler right I get it

  • You're supposed to be friends with them first. Give it time to establish trust and chemistry. You don't wanna scare the girl away.

    2|1
    0|3
    • 24d

      I used to try to be friends with them first but it usually ends up with just friends

  • There's a balance between 'too soon' and 'too late'. If you've been friends for years and nothing has happened yet, she probably isn't going to like you in the future either.
    If you just walk up to strangers and ask for a date, they're not going to be emotionally invested enough to consider it.
    Better opt for getting closer for a few weeks, getting to know her, showing all your good traits like being a good listener, having humor and wit, being responsable and trustworthy and being fun to be around. All the while, lightly flirt; making slightly more eye contact, ask gradually more personal questions and show you're interested in her.
    after, say, three weeks of this going well, ask her out.

    I think that's the best strategy, although nothing is 100% or 0% effective.

    0|0
    0|0
  • direct is good with the right woman! don't give up.

    0|1
    0|0
  • well are you happy in yourself? have a strong core confidence with unshakeable foundations? are you subtle and smooth? know how to smalltalk? have sense of humor? have good posture and body language? know how to flirt well?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 24d

      that's a lot of factors. so I need to be James Bond pretty much

    • 24d

      no you just have to be a socially functioning, healthy minded, and independent individual. its exactly like that for girls as well. beauty can only take you that far. for longterm things we need the same traits... .

    • 24d

      a woman won't make you happy. you need to be a full being to invite another being in your life. but you haven't even approached that many women yet. there are all sorts of women out there. socially awakward girls, overly shy girls, girls with antisocial beliefs, girls seeking male weirdos, everything you can think of. so saying that noone wants you is ridiculous. its you that narrow down your choices and chances... .

  • are you ugly?

    0|0
    0|1
    • 24d

      no. I am not. I'm also not a model either. but iam beginning to think that the direct approach only works for attractive people

    • 24d

      Mostem are uglier than women anyway

  • It's 5 girls...

    0|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 19

  • They want a direct approach with words but even that won't work if they don't know you dude...
    "straight up after meeting them"... im surprise 3 even said yes even though technically its a no as they didn't contact you to follow up.
    You want a girl to go on a date with you, start a conversation, make her wanna know more, then give her the opportunity aka offering the date. Gotta be smooth bro...

    Me frankly, i don't see the point of begging to spend my hard earned money on someone. A girl says no, she's saving me money.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Even if you're not aiming above your league you'll still have to go through lots of rejects before you get a success. Lots of girls are also put off by being asked out right after meeting. Maybe talk to them a few times, and be flirty and then ask them out.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Hey man, I know the feeling. Direct comes off strange to me its like a foreign concept to me. Like to be dangerous doing... but then again im passive and should be more direct, a good friend informed me of that. The issue I have trying it. To me in my head it's like walking down a street not knowing anybody see a nice looking girl, and saying hello (minute you do, she's evaluating you asking herself while you're rambling not paying a bit of attention to what you're saying wondering what's he want, why's he talking to me etc). VS a passive approach makes more sense to me, in time you know the person have more background and put somebody on the spot, warm up to the idea of you will. That way at least you can see it coming if she hits you with harassment, hence with direct you will have no idea if you've crossed it or not, does it make sense?

    0|1
    0|0
  • First of all, how you approach is half the battle, you gotta be slick in how you do it. It needs to feel impulsive.

    Also, it was only 5. Your first 5. You don't tell them you want to date though. That's asking for too much too soon and kinda kills the "mysterious" vibe so you should word it more like, "Hey, I think your cute" (you give them a reason that you are approaching them, breaking the ice and flattering her) "I was planning on doing XYZ" "There's this new restaurant" "I got tickets to this concert and my friend can't go" (Make the "date" into an opportunity that she can either take or not take. Making it something that you imply you might have done without her anyway makes it feel more casual) "You should come" (be a tad assertive

    Keep doing this until it isn't awkward anymore and you can make the whole thing flow naturally

    0|0
    0|0
  • Did you say you wanted to date them or just go out with them?

    Dating implies more than one date and a semi commitment. That's a lot to ask of someone you just met.

    But a date, that's just like, a coffee and a chat. That's a lot easier to say yes to.

    So it may have something to do with how and what you're asking. Can you post some examples?

    0|0
    0|0
    • 24d

      no no I ask them on dates. like coffee or lunch etc. I don't know try to make it sound just like that, casual outing

  • Let them get to know a little more first, they need to know what they're possibly getting into. Don't wait too long though or there's a risk of being friendzoned.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Perhaps it's more to do with you - the way you ask, how you come across to them, how attractive you are physically, how well you dress. These are all things that should and can be worked on which will improve your success. It is mostly a numbers game though so I wouldn't worry about only 5 girls rejecting you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Look homie for us guys ITS A NUMBERS GAME... Some women think we have it easy but I went through 5-6 girls one day and almost scored that night but when i pulled up... I guess she saw my car from the window (I was driving a bucket lol) and she didn't answer...

    Gotta ask out more women, think of it as a video game...

    0|1
    0|0
  • You asked five women who weren't interested in you. You didn't do anything wrong.

    0|1
    0|0
  • thats the game man, it happens to everybody. All it takes is 1 to say yes, but like 24 will say no before then. Thats just the way it is.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I understand what you are going through. I have tried both ( becoming their friend first and I have also tried being direct at the end of meeting her the first time) only to have come up goose eggs. So far, only 4 first dates (set ups) with nothing afterwards. Im not ugly, and usually try to bring my best foot forward. 25 and still single.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Do you have $$$? Power? Are you hot? Nice car? A good job? Taller than 5-10?

    If you answered NO to all these questions, you'd better have the greatest personality ever... from the post I can tell that's a NO also...

    0|0
    0|0
    • 24d

      so what does that mean? That I'm never going to have a girl?

    • 24d

      No. keep working on you and enjoy your life. The problem most women have is they are too busy jumping from guy to guy to figure out who they are and what they truly want from life. You get the chance to be you and explore life unattached. In a few years, the younger ladies will start looking your way as they tire of their "immature" boy toys. There you'll be with your own place, your own life and hopefully comfortable being who you are. Try not to pay them too much attention and I guarantee you'll have at least 1 or 2 trying to get you in their bed.

  • Well be more direct. FONDLE!

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's 5, not 50. Damn, pipe down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's only 5 girls. An average guy would probably ask 50 girls for a few say yes.

    0|1
    0|1
    • 22d

      Wow man, I feel bad for you. You must be pretty fugly if you ask 50 and all say no.

  • You should be their friends first and get to know them before asking them upfront.

    0|0
    0|1
  • If you're not above an 8/10 then they won't like the direct approach.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Grab her by the pussy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just 5 dude. Would you give up a job search after semding out 5 CVs?
    Maybe you need some tweaking, but you're far better off asking a friend in real life to observe you than people here, we can't see how you come across.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...