Ok, so I've been dating this girl for 8 months and i love her dearly. We sometimes get into fights but thats normal. One of our biggest theme of fights which is the root of some other fights is the fact that we see things differently.
I am a firm believer in principles. If i feel like I am right in the situations, then i will defend my actions to death. Sometimes it might be right and she knows I'm right but wants me to stop bc i have to keep in considerations for her feelings.
My girlfriend is a firm believer in feelings. Even though some of the things I do is right, she wants me to value how she feels and not do it if it bothers her.
So my dilemma is occuring in a couple days. We both really wanted to go to this rave and see this DJ. It was our favorite summer DJ and we made happy plans to go together. Unfortunately, she can't go anymore and she doesn't want me going. I can still go and i have always wanted to see them. I was thinking of going with my friends or going alone because I passionately love them. My girlfriend would be very hurt if i went. But at the same time, my reasoning is "why should she keep me from having my fun". I am right by principle. She can't control what i want to do and she couldnt make it to the concert anyways. Now she threatens to not talk to me and hold resentment.
What should i do? Should i make her happy and stay? Or should i hold to my principle and go?
guys and girls please answer
Most Helpful Girl
You both are contributing to making this an unhealthy relationship. You by making things be a battle and having to prove that you are right. She by being slightly controlling and manipulative.
Principles has nothing to do with proving you are right. That's arrogance and immaturity, especially in a relationship. You are supposed to be a team that defeats a problem together so that you are both happy in the end. She is not your enemy, you don't have to prove yourself, and being right doesn't make the problem better. You need to get over yourself and start working on learning how to resolve conflicts instead of dragging it our because of an immature desire to "be right".
While I can understand that she may have really wanted to experience this this with you, I think she should be ok with letting you go with friends. You don't always get to do everything with your partner and they will, and should, enjoy time without you. I know this was a special event and it sucks that she can't make it, but she also needs to let that go because she can't change that. Threatening to not talk is manipulative, spiteful, and does nothing to resolve the issue here. She should be discussing with you why she feels it's important to her that you experience it with her.
You both need to start listening to each others feelings and opinions and actually think about them and take them into consideration. You guys need to ask yourself how important are your respective sides to you? Is this a situation where you can sacrifice for your partner a bit and not hold resentment? The both of you seriously need to learn how to compromise and sacrifice. It's great when you guys can both get what you want, but not every issue will be that way. Many times one party has to willingly make a sacrifice because they want their partner to be happy. You can't go into a relationship expecting to never have to give up anything. No one here can tell you who is right because neither of you are. This is about learning to communicate and resolve problems as a couple. Both of you still have a long way to go in learning to put down your pride and work together as a team.0
Most Helpful Guy
The moment you prioritize your girlfriends feelings over your principles and values is the moment she will start to resent you. Wrote a take on this stuff.