I'm 19, and yes, while that may sound like way too young to be worrying about dying alone, I have good reason. Growing up I never knew what a good "relationship" looked like. I grew up watching my mother allow herself to be cheated on and abused. As I got older I started to look around and saw that pretty much all of the women in my family were involved in unhealthy relationships. This conditioned me to assume that that was what my future was gonna look like. I went through life closed up. When I finally opened my heart it was to a verbally abusive dickhead, whom I stayed with for 3 years because I was scared that if I let him go I wouldn't be able to find anyone else. It's been a year since I left him and now I'm starting to worry that maybe I was right. I'm not into hooking up, as I'd like something serious. I've been rejected by every guy that I've liked since last December. I don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I may not be the prettiest girl out there (or at least what society deems as pretty), but I'm kind, genuine, fun and easy to talk to. I'm at the point where I'm starting to feel hopeless. I'm so torn between how to act and what to work on. Some people tell me that I'm too picky, while others say I'm not selective enough. Some people tell me that I need to "put myself out there", while other says that I need to sit back and stop trying so hard. Both clearly have not worked for me. I go onto websites like these and I see discussions about how "love in the 21st century is dead" and how guys aren't really into serious relationships anymore. I've tried everything. I've tried being myself and I've tried changing myself but nothing has worked. I'm a sweet girl with so much to give and I just don't understand why no one will give me a chance...
Most Helpful Guy
no one gives two shits about u being sweet. i am looking for a serious relationship and have been since i was ur age... i had a 6-7 year relationship but otherwise just shorter ones that were nothing but ajoke. girls are a dam joke now adays. im doing better with the younger crowd, probably because i act younger and look much younger lol ;)
but for u, if u are serious about "seeking" guys want to get to know u AFTER being attracted to u. so u want to attract guys. so if u are serious, i would suggest that u try getting fit or inshape. not beefy or anything just fit. while beefy girls are a niche thing, most guys love fit looking girls even when they are so/so looking. and u dont want to look too slutty to just get attention either as thats not attention u NORMALLY want. not saying u won't get a serious guy, but ur chances do go down the slutter u get. u just want to do it enough to attract people not show off all the goods for everyone all around u.
then once they like u, THEN u can show them how sweet and shit u are... u will probably have better luck. u dont want to NOT be picky. stay picky. just improve ur side of the game ok. it will make it worth it for u.0
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Most Helpful Girl
This is pretty much my experience. Only with some different results. Like you, pretty much every woman for the past SEVERAL GENERATIONS have had unhealthy and usually physically abusive relationships. My older sister has even just completely rejected men and relationships all together. I on the other hand, like you, kinda went down the "Well, but I WANT to be loved", and so kept looking anyway. And I know I'm young too, even a year younger than you it looks like, but this is what worked for ME.
Now I don't really consider myself beautiful, but people at least say I'm "adorable" because I'm just a little woman. I really am. I have a small voice to match it, so that might also play into how guys treat me. They see the little woman with a small voice, and I feel like a lot of them just want to like "protect" me. Now with that, there will come the guys who are like "She's weak. Easy prey." THAT is where you have to pay attention. Look at how they dress. How they walk. Talk. ACT. Look at their interactions with other women. Do they dress like a thug, or put in no effort at all? Are their gestures overly lazy and sort of like "I don't give a F***", and do they seem flirtish with other women? Probably an abuser. I know that sounds obvious, but a lot of women kinda over look details like that.
But also a thing to look at is how they treat the women in their family. I mean the sisters is a pretty good indicator, but you REALLY wanna look at how he is with his mother. As well as how he talks about her when she's not around. If it's bad, get out of the relationship. Because if he can treat his mother like that, I don't even wanna think about what he might do to you. And this is TRUE. My biological father according to my mother used to curse out his mother while he was on the phone with my mom, and he was extremely abusive. And I work with a guy who seems into me, but he's constantly bragging about "how he's an adult, and so his mother can't tell him what to do". I've flat out rejected him on several occasions, even when I was single.