Should I just tell her straight up I'm no longer interested or just gradually distance myself?

So this girl and I have been talking for some month or two every single day, she's smart, she's funny, she's interesting, and she's so beautiful but the feelings are just not there and I'm kind of drawn to someone else right now. I don't know if I should straight up tell her that I don't think this can go on or should I gradually distance myself so I don't hurt her feelings because I think she really likes me.
The problem is that I've sort of went a bit full on with her, leading her on, and we have even been very intimate, including sextig and nudes and also been deep in our conversations, so I've led her on and now I feel bad. What should I do? Because there's really nothing wrong with her at all she's perfect but I'm just not feeling it. She said she's had problems finding guys because they never give her a chance beyond her looks, and told me she was so happy she came across me, but I don't want her to think I'm another one of those guys. Help?

  • Tell her straight up
    86% (60)78% (36)83% (96)Vote
  • Distance yourself
    7% (5)13% (6)9% (11)Vote
  • Other
    7% (5)9% (4)8% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
26d @RainbowFanGirl @EmpatheticLady @BellePepper @meatballs21 @datgirl @miamigirl1970 @Saoirse_Nua @MaLifeBeLikeOooAaah @akadatank44 @Toad-1 @reixun @XRabbitHeartX @Prof_Don @Triss @Autumn-Bunny
26d Okay I've made the decision I will tell her the truth tonight. Thank you all for the opinions it was a lot of help.

1|0
17|11

What Girls Said 17

  • I hate guys who lead you on and then just disappear slowly without an explaination, makes me so confused and keep wondering what tf I did wrong and if I bored him or if I did something to turn him off. If she did nothing wrong, tell her. Don't just leave her hanging thinking this could become something when apparently it's not. You need to be honest and stop wasting her time, it's not fair on her.

    6|2
    0|0
  • I think that you will end up hurting her whatever you do (and I know that's not what you want!), BUT I definitely think that it would be a lot less hurtful to just tell her straight up. If you distance yourself, then she will likely jump to all of the wrong conclusions that you were never interested in her, or that she did something wrong. I've been in the situation before where someone just "ghosted", and it really upset me for a lot longer than being told straight up would have done. Good luck :)

    2|1
    0|0
  • Just get it over with and let her know, so you both can fully move on from the situation. It's better to let her know now instead of down the line where she could be more invested or where she's wondering what you think of her constantly.

    3|2
    0|0
  • lol, let me help with you with those tags "anon".

    1|3
    0|0
  • Damn... Just tell her everything you said. Don't ghost her, she deserves to know so she can move on and look for another guy.

    0|1
    0|0
  • just tell her the truth

    0|1
    0|0
  • I know its hard and would be painful to tell her, but slowly drifting away would be a lot painfuller for her so man up and tell her instead of getting her in the confusing and what-have-i-done-wrong situation.

    2|1
    0|0
  • I'd let her know straight up. Then she can ask if it's salvageable, you can tell her no, and both of u can distance yourselves. When only one person decides this without talking to the other person, it hurts worse in the long run.

    1|1
    0|0
  • You have to be honest, in the kindest way possible, please do and if you can find it in your heart to apologize for the inappropriate things and hopefully she learned her lesson. I wonder why you don't like her anymore though.

    0|1
    0|0
  • wow, you wait to cut her off after she's literally showed off her body to you and everything. typical... just tell her its your fault that you weren't honest, tell her you're sorry for using her. i don't know why i feel like thats the only thing you wanted from her; nudes and sexting. usually i'd cut it off before that even happened. anyway, good luck, hopefully she doesn't turn everyone against you or fuck up your possessions.

    1|0
    0|0
  • tell her straight up. honesty is key!

    1|1
    0|0
  • why would you lead her on and sext, send nudes etc if you aren't into her? thats just really mean.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 26d

      Because I really liked talking to her, I wanted to give it a chance and see where things would go but in the end I just wasn't feeling it, and yes I regret it now I wish I hadn't gone as deep in this as I did.

    • Show All
    • 25d

      And what if that doesn't work out? Are you gonna come back and break this girls heart again?

    • 25d

      Definitely not, it would be my loss

  • Oh who is this? I won't tell 😉😉

    0|0
    0|0
    • 26d

      That double wink looks suspicious.

    • 25d

      Hahaha that was to tell you that your name is between us lol

  • Lmao who is this?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Savage

    0|0
    0|0
  • girls don't like to be lead on. when a guy distances himself, it make the girl fee like something is wrong with her, which can destroy her self esteem

    1|1
    0|0
  • If you're interested in someone else then tell her

    1|1
    0|0

What Guys Said 11

  • Oh mate you sound like a nice dude with a good heart but this is definitely a "Oh F***" moment - I often refer to this as a sticky plaster situation, do you pick it off feeling the twinge of a hair at a time or do you yank it off to get it over with in one sharp painful go.
    As I said you seem like a good dude and she is a nice girl but you have got in too deep. You have phrased it very well in the question just tell her this, if you do the whole distancing thing she will eventually go are you pulling away from me, why and you have to tell her. She will feel the hurt plus the new hurt of thinking you acted a bit sneaky by not being upfront with her.
    It will hurt her whatever way you do it but I think the second way will hurt more, if you care for her, tell her.

    1|2
    0|0
  • *teleports in via @Smmyskittles 's summon*

    Here's the thing:

    As a man, you absolutely NEVER want to cut off any dating option, unless you are in a monogamous relationship. Don't unnecessarily shut a door.

    If you are feeling her less and less, then contact her less and less. If you like another girl more, give her more of her time.

    The only time you completely cut off a dating option, is when you have a monogamous girlfriend. Otherwise, just make her a lower priority, but don't cut her off completely.

    0|1
    2|1
  • Don't be one of those guys make her your friend. Wait a few days of not contacting her and then tell her that you would rather be her friendand not lead her on any more.

    0|1
    0|1
  • So hurt her emotionally by alienating her, making her feel as if she did something wrong, feel unloved, lonely, self conscious and hurt before dumping her months later.

    Or...

    Sack up and have the emotional courage to be upfront and end it like a man. Dealing with the hard thing to do as best you can.

    0|2
    0|0
  • This is a hard one... there are a lot of good girls out there who are waiting for the right guy and will be devastated if he lets her down because she'll be even more guarded after that.

    That said, you have to be honest. You gave it an honest try because you, like her, thought this was actually going somewhere. The sooner you do this the better, too, because feelings grow the longer they are allowed to.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Drop it like it's hot. Being honest and upfront is the only way to go. Tell it like it is...

    3|2
    0|0
  • Be honest with her.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Tell her, it's the decent thing to do.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Don't waste her time or yours. If you're out, get out.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Don't tell her. She's a girl. She'll have some other guy scoop her up. I've almost never told a girl I wasn't interested unless she was coming on super strong. She'll just float off and forget about you.

    0|0
    3|2
  • Tell her. An explanation is better than none at all.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...