Is it ok for someone you haven't even had a first date yet with to text you out of the blue at 12.30am?

Ok so, I met this guy on tinder, ended up giving him my number (always a risk) and we talked about having a date some time next week. A few days later though he texts me out of the blue at 12.30am. It wasn't a rude text or anything and normally I would just have ignored it until the AM and replied. But I was just drifting off to sleep and it kind of annoyed me that he thought it was appropriate to text me at that time.

So I was like: 'Dude, you know its 12.30 am right?' and he replied with 'Yeah but its the weekend. Its just a text, chill out'. So I replied with 'Chill out? Think you better lose my number' xD

Anyway, my friends seem to think that was too harsh of me but in my opinion, its just not ok to text someone you've never met, out of the blue, at that time of night. To me it shows a lack of boundaries and respect. What do you think? Was I too harsh?



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What Guys Said 7

  • Hahaha now you have karama to deal with. When you like a guy, love him or even have crush.. Expect him to ditch you ASAP. Tsk tsk.

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    • 27d

      And I thought I was harsh. We only spoke once for ten minutes, that has nothing to do with a crush or love dude.

    • 27d

      Well your status with him matters little. the fact is how he felt.

  • Yeah, i wouldn't text a girl unless she requested. Just cause i believe
    ladies before gentlemen and i have morals, respect for a girl, I do
    believe there needs boundaries set when it comes to texting someone
    i believe no means no it doesn't mean yes.

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  • Ya you were. A text message is just a message. It's the equivalent of an email.

    The time it is sent and recieved don't mean anything since it will patiently sit in your phone until you feel like dealing with it.

    If you have caveat's about when it's ok to text you, you need to tell people that when you give them your number. Otherwise you have no legit reason to complain.

    You can also mute/turn off or put your phone on flight mode so that it won't interrupt your sleep.

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    • 27d

      I disagree, I think a phone number is a much more personal thing. Its ok to email or message people late at night when u don't know them but its not ok to contact their private number. O get that I could have muted the phone but I shouldn't have to do that as most people should have the sense not to contact people late at night.

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    • 27d

      Yeah pretty much :P

    • 27d

      This is a pointless waste time then.
      Don't be petty girly, you'll be happier.

  • Nope its like the old rule growing up don't call after 9pm or something. Its just common

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    • 26d

      Courtesy to not text so late. Its different if it you two were talking already that late it would be different. I'm willing to bet 90% of people have their phone next to them when they sleep. I mean c'mon man who thinks that's ok to do? Maybe it's for the best lol

      Stupid gag hit submit too soon.

  • Yeah you were harsh, if you gave him your number he was supposed to text you. The time was late but he was right that it's weekend.

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  • Yeah, that was too harsh.

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  • I think you did the right thing.

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What Girls Said 13

  • You sound like you have issues. It was literally just a text.

    You just have easily could have said "hey I'm trying to fall asleep, I'd appreciate it if you didn't text me so late in the future."

    Plus tinder is for hookups so he was probably prefacing a booty call. Hence the late hour.

    If you're looking for genuine "respect" (even if he wasn't disrespectful at all) get your weird, prude ass off tinder 😂

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  • Listen, you decide how you want to be treated. Nobody should be even texting you after that time of night, regardless if it IS the weekend. I would not want somebody that I don't even really know text me that late unless it was an emergency. You were not rude. And you are right: It was Lack of boundaries and respect on his end. However you should have replied in a respectful manner and tell him that you don't speak after a certain time, and would appreciate it if he texted at a reasonable time.

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  • Yeah, it's not a big deal. You sound like you over reacted. A text message is just that, it does not demand your immediate attention. If you are wanting to respond you read them, if not you just ignore it until you are ready to deal with it. Calling is crossing the line, texting is not.

    But it's really your preference so if you aren't good with it, then just move on and be satisfied.

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  • I definitely think you were too harsh. It was just a text message and I'd usually take it as a good sign if someone was texting me before going on a first date. I'd be more worried if they weren't initiating contact at all.

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  • Yea i think you went a little overboard , a lot of people are up late and text thruout the night lol but others dont and you could have just kindly asked him to not text you at that time again

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  • Well you're number is a private thing these days but definitely not appropriate if you guys hardly know each other.

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    • 27d

      Thankyou! I'm glad someone agrees with me haha. I mean I would never dream of contacting someone via their phone that late at night unless they were my friend/family and I knew they weren't up early the next day n it was some sort of emergency... or seriously good gossip lol.

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    • 26d

      Why do you come here asking opinions if you just want someone to agree with you?

    • 26d

      @Pearl85 Heh, I think it's to find out what's common by asking people their opinions but hoping that someone agrees with your opinion/experience

  • You acted ridiculous

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  • It's wasn't exactly late in my opinion and your reaction was too much. How was he to know you were just drifting off to sleep? You could have just replied the next day saying that you are usually already asleep by that time, then he would have known not to text so late in the future. But I wouldn't expect to hear from him again if I were you.

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  • Lmfao way too harsh. I bet he's thanking to god he dodged a bullet

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  • Lol that was weird. Everybody sends texts at random times of the day. Really just when ever they feel like. The expectation is that you'll respond whenever you see it or feel like or maybe not at all. If you don't want to hear a text notification and are that bothered by it lower your volume or put it on silent. It's literally nothing. I wouldn't say you were harsh just unnecessarily rude/different... You made yourself look a bit odd is all. Probably shouldn't be going on tinder dates.

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  • Yes it is, but its a tell-tell sign of a booty call if he tries to initiate a steamy conversation. Lol I don't blame you for overreacting because I can be impulsive at the moment if I thought it was wrong.

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  • Um... you definitely over reacted lol

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  • Yes if they genuinely likes you. If a guy called me that late I'd feel happy about it, because it shows I'm on his mind before he goes to sleep

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