Why do guys ALWAYS try to sext me before the first date?

Now to be clear, I work super hard to stay away from fuckboys and players. I am so picky because I have absolutely no attraction or interest in bad boys. So I'm not sure if I'm weird and alone on this but every time I get asked out on a date by a guy, who seems nice, we start casually texting in the days leading up to the date. And I make an effort to keep the conversation strictly just casual, nice, Friendly, but make extra effort towards keeping it completely off the track that leads to sexting. Like I literally analyze every text I send to make sure it won't give these guys the idea that I'm looking for that. For me, I have no interest in sexual talk until I'm actually having sex with them, or leading to it. It really turns me off before I know them better. But no matter how hard I work almost EVERY GUY I've been on a date with has ended up stearing or attempting to stear the conversation towards a sexual note. Then it makes me seem like the prude/buzz kill for shutting it down.

Does anyone here know why this might be happening? Is this a thing most guys do or am I just unlucky? Especially since I take such care to never say things that might be taken as an invitation. I honestly don't get what I'm doing to bring this on 😂 HELP!!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would not text as much leading up to the date. There's no reason in texting if you're seeing the person in person.

    If a guy is attracted to you then he probably will try and steer it in that direction. They are trying to be more than friends so they are taking chances and putting it out there. If they do and you don't reciprocate I'd hope they'd slow down a bit.

    Maybe they'd be less likely to talk to you that way if you opted for a phone call instead of texting as well

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What Guys Said 17

  • Guys steering conversations towards sex is nothing new, it happens all the time and I'm sure that every girl who has every had more than a few conversations with a guy has experienced this.

    It tends to be more common where the two people don't really know each other well. A guy is better able to commoditise a girl when he doesn't already have a better knowledge of her life, her personality and her feelings. It becomes harder when you know a person more indepth as a human being.

    Guys will test the water, that in itself is not a bad thing because if nobody tried to progress a relationship then nothing would progress. However, there is a difference between gentle progression and textual molestation, lol. Perhaps if guys stopped and considered how they'd want a guy to treat their sister or their mother then they'd be a bit better behaved.

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  • Relax, sexual attraction is an important part of dating for most guys. You have to realise that confidence in asking women out on a date goes hand-in-hand with sexual confidence too.

    I will say this as fact, if a guy doesn't have sex on his mind with a woman, he doesn't want a relationship with her, period. Now, if you want less... forward guys you will have to approach the shy ones and ask them out yourself - there is nothing stopping you from approaching first.

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  • " EVERY GUY I've been on a date with has ended up stearing or attempting to stear the conversation towards a sexual note."

    My dear. If they didn't, then they simply aren't trying to be with you lol. You want them to be a bit sexual. I can understand wanting to avoid outright sexting, but you're saying that you're cutting things off before it comes to that. So anything sexual they say leads to you shutting it down. Instead of avoiding all sexuality. Simply limit how much you're ok with so he knows. Rather than talking them in a way that is like "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME?". Just appreciate some sexual tone to the conversation and if he says something that's a little too far, then let him know so he can reel it back a bit.

    You want a guy that is trying, but who is also cognizant of how you're feeling about what he's doing.

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    • 19d

      Well I never outright say things like "how dare you" or "stop that immediately" or anything harsh like that. And I'm okay being flirty. And once I'm in a relationship I'm cool with sexting. But it's the before we've even been on one date thing that bothers me. Like can't we just have a normal conversation without turning into sexting? That's my only issue. I don't get why that's so impossible lol

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    • 19d

      That's actually a great idea! I'll try that!

    • 19d

      ; ) G'luck Miss

  • I think a lot of guys make have conversations with sexual tones but if you steer the conversation away or ignore, the guy should pick up on it and adjust accordingly.

    If every conversation ends up leading to sex talk and sexting then he's probably got his mind on one thing of course.

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  • If EVERY guy has, you should reevaluate the guys you're picking.

    Plus, if they're doing that and you're not okay with it... Why the fuck are you continuing to talk to them and meet up with them? You under some false impression that they'll change?

    Also, steering... Not stearing.

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    • 19d

      1. Yeah I noticed that spelling error haha but it was too late to change it 😂

      2. Well the issue is they always come across as nice guys so it's disappointing to find out I'm wrong. And I don't continue to see them, most that do that I cancel on. So that's not the problem.

      It's why it happens in the first place. I don't get what else I could do to stop it from happening lol

    • 19d

      I still say if they start that up that should immediately disqualify them. Weed out the shitty guys early on.

  • Well, you're foxy, so I don't particularly blame them... however there's little you can do to screen guys beforehand like that, and tbh I don't know why you would. You'll either end up with guys who are too sexual, or guys too afraid to make any sort of moves at all... and trust me, the no moves guys will quickly start annoying you more than the sexual ones

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  • I hope this doesn't sound fucked, but the more you try to steer clear, the more guys are going to try.. There is no pattern nor path you can take to make sure you are meeting the right guy.

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    • 19d

      Gah that's what I was afraid of honestly 😂 there's no winning here haha

    • 19d

      You are "guy crazy" You are frustrated to the point of outing yourself more than you would like to and will feel bad about it sooner than later..

  • Most guys are horny all the time. Though sexting before even knowing nothing more than a girl's name is weird to me (then again I'm old school) it's probably normal. It would probably be abnormal (ie a guy that doesn't like sex for weird reasons like religion) if they didn't.

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  • Because men are horn dogs!

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  • I believe it has something to do with your generation and apps like Tinder, etc., which are geared to hooking up... that's just how the majority are.

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  • It's how you look. It could be how you dress and if you're famous for sleeping with other guys etc. A lot of hot women are also promiscuous so it's probably an assumption.

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    • 19d

      I dress pretty normal most days so that's not an issue, and I definitely don't have a promiscuity rep... So does that mean my face just puts off that vibe? Haha

    • 19d

      Normal for you could mean something different to guys. Plus, I personally don't date really hot women because the chances of getting cheating on gets really high.

  • Because you are smoking hot.

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  • With a profile photo like this I would be sexting with you too before the first date.

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  • If they like you, they want to test the waters out on this matter. Its part of getting to know you better. Sexuality is part of you. They want to get a feeling for it beforehand to gage what they will or will not attempt on or after the date.

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  • women are always withholding sex from guys. it really is womens' fault if you think about it

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  • Id ease up on the pre date texting. If you do a lot things will move forward. They don't magically stay on hold.

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  • Well if you say guys ALWAYS try to sext before the first date then you aren't staying away from fuckboys and players are you?

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    • 19d

      Well they don't seem like that at the time, but it sure is disappointing to find out I'm wrong lol. There's been many times I've cancelled the date because they were getting to fuck boy on me lol

What Girls Said 3

  • What do you classify as sexting? Perhaps they're just trying to flirt.
    I don't like to be randomly sexted either and harsh language right away is a big "no" to. But a slight tease every now and then should be fine.

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    • 19d

      Well for me flirty is fine. And teasy stuff is usually okay. They just end up always stearing in the direction of asking me sexual questions, or turning my regular words around to something sexual lol. It's annoying its like the more I stear away from it the more they try to get me to join in lol.

    • 19d

      Then straight on tell them you're not interested in that kind of jokes yet. In a nice but comvincing matter of course. Guys will be guys, on average they're just used to a bit more sexual language than most girls. They don't mean ill.

  • sounds like they want to try their luck with you

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  • Because men are pigs

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