Is it alright to keep asking out a girl you're interested in despite being indirectly rejected or better to give up?

Hello there, there's a girl in one of the classes that we have in common that I am highly attracted to.

So far, I've asked her out twice and did not get any positive feedback from her. By that, I mean she gives priority to other things. For example, last time I asked her out she told me that she will prefer that there are more people around and that she came up with a plan with her friends which by the way is true.

I am highly attracted to her so is it ok to keep asking her out or should I give up and move on?

Thank you.




  • Yes
    21% (12)27% (16)24% (28)Vote
  • No
    79% (44)73% (44)76% (88)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
20d I forgot to mention (if it helps) that we are both in college, which may be helpful to determine the mentality to adopt in the dating world at this stage.
19d I would like to thank you for all of you who shared their opinions, which I highly value. Unfortunately, I am unable to respond to everyone so I will simply read them for the time being. You guys should keep in mind that all your thoughts are taken into consideration, even if I don't comment on them it means a lot to me.

Hoping to read more of your thoughts :)

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What Girls Said 21

  • It's not alright. If you were in the same situation where a girl you had no interest in kept asking you out, you would be annoyed that she couldn't take a hint. Besides, you're better off looking for someone who will take an interest in you.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your reply. As you said, I will surely being annoyed if she was being too pushy.

      Nevertheless, my eyes are fully concentrated on that girl. It is like I can not stop thinking about her.

      You are probably telling me to move on, how can I do that? I would appreciate your help in this struggling situation

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    • 20d

      I think just about every graduate says something along those lines, although it's not always about romance. There are a lot of opportunities outside college as well.

    • 19d

      Well, I always been told that in college that you have the higher chance to date since you are sharing classes with girls and that there are tons of people attending university for the same reasons as yours.

      Once you graduate and start working, such opportunities won't be found anymore. It will be hard to meet people, mainly when it comes to the dating field.

      As you can imagine, this is only what I've been told I have no idea how it really works.

  • 'She told me that she will prefer that there are more people around'
    -is the kiss of death. Fair enough if she was just making 'I'm busy that day excuses' but she's basically told you that she has no interest on being on her own with you so she isn't interested. She isn't stupid, she knows you were asking her out and she made it clear that it isn't gonna happen.

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    • 19d

      I agree...
      If I am interested in a guy, I would want to be alone with him...
      and if I can't make it, I will suggest another date...

    • 19d

      Thank you for your response. As you two girls said it, it should be quite obvious that she didn't give another alternative to meet up. Usually, when I ask out a girl and there's a chance that she's interested she would at least tell something as you two said that she was busy and suggest another date where we can actually meet up.

      I am simply finding it difficult to move on, despite being the best solution to adopt right now.

  • If you want another shot, you don't keep asking out. You try to change her opinion of you and then offer again. Imagine it like a product. Someone offers it to you on the street and annoyed, you decline. Later you see that product bought by everyone and how awesome it is. Then you go back to the store and buy it too because you want to see what it is about.

    If you don't see a way to make her want you more other than time, you give it some time. If you do, work on that. In any case just asking again and again is annoying and you can only make her hate you doing this.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your feedback.

      Indeed, I agree totally on what you said. However, if I had to change my true self in order to be attractive towards her eyes I would have lost my true identity and therefore building an unhealthy relationship.

      I prefer to remain myself and therefore to move on, despite being a difficult step.

  • She's probably not interested, but is too nice to actually directly say no. So don't make her feel awkward and pestered, just let it be.

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  • No, because she probably feels like you're obsessed with her, and it even sounds like it. Doesn't matter if you're both in college or not. There are other women. If she's not interested, leave her alone. The endless attempts are pathetic in my honest opinion. Being 'highly attracted' doesn't give you the right to harass her every chance you get.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your reply. In fact, after asking her out two times I'll stop there and look forward in my life. Hoping to find someone that will feel the same love that I want to share :)

  • tbh I would get annoyed

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your feedback. Well, I understand clearly your point of view.

      Would you be able to change your mind about accepting to date someone after a while or when you say no there's no way that you develop any kind of interest for this person?

      Thank you

    • 20d

      I think it's the latter

  • This exact thing happened with a friend of mine. Perhaps she's just afraid of flat out being honest with you, but if a girl likes you and wants to spend time with you, then that's the most exciting thing in her mind. She wouldn't need other people there, if anything should just want you and her together. I'd say it's best to move on and find a girl who shows the same interest in you than you do her. Staying in this kind of situation is only damaging to your self esteem and at the end you'll be more hurt than if she was just honest to begin with.

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    • 20d

      "and at the end you'll be more hurt than if she was just honest to begin with."

      An excellent argument for being direct in rejecting someone, don't you think? I find it weird when people think they're being kind in not directly rejecting someone.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your answer. We came up to the same conclusion, it is better to move on. After all, even if by any chance I am able to build up a relationship it will be forced and therefore it will end up badly. Thus, I will move on despite being a difficult step to take.

    • 19d

      Well that's really mature and brave of you. I wish you the best, you seem like a really sweet guy.

  • if she had indicated that she isn't interested in you, leave her alone.

    chances are that she's just afraid to be honest with you, as she's likely encountered other guys who didn't take rejection well and got violent when she turned them down (happens a lot, sadly).

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your opinion. Well, I think that it could make sense that she encountered in her life people that didn't handled well rejection so that's why she might have turned me down in an indirect way to not hurt my feelings.

      Nevertheless, I do plan to move on as being the best solution despite being a hard step to take.

  • She wants more people around for you to ask her out. What I would say, is be carefull. She could want it that way so that she can make a fool of you. But then again, maybe she doesn't really trust you and think that your the one asking her out for a laugh and she might want her friends there as backup to prove you asked her out. Sounds a bit strange but there you go. I can only guestimate.

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  • She's not interested. Just leave it.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your reply. You are right, so I'll move on.

  • Maybe you should just try to get close to her first, get to know her a little better and share about yourself. It might be too early to be in a serious relationship or in this case, a date.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your response.

      Thus, you suggest that I change my approach and get closer to her and ask her out once again.
      So, is it better if I go slowly and risk to be trapped in the friendzone?

      I would appreciate that you provide guidance on this one, thank you

    • 20d

      There's 2 options.

      1. Try to get close to her, get to know her, share a little about yourself, be observant in her comfort level. You might get friendzoned.

      2. Don't try and you might not even be friends.

      The End

      You came out too direct, and she would've probably considered you weird. So don't try to ask her again. when trying to get close to her, do not do it excessively. Do it moderately. Find out her likes/ dislikes. Try not to display crude behavior.

      If there is no responses/ unfavorable responses. Evacuate all premises, this is not a drill.
      I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. XD

    • 20d

      Haha well I guess by becoming close to her it is a winning situation. Either it work out in the meaning of developing a relationship, or it will be in the worst case scenario lead to building a friendship link. ;)

  • No. I've had this happen to me and I hate it. Chances are she'll never really be interested. Take a step back, and if you feel like she's a quality girl, maybe try to just be friends, but don't force that onto her if she's resistant

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your answer. I will definitely move on, and therefore don't waste neither my energy nor my time on her. Moving on is quite difficult but I have to take this path otherwise I'll regret it later on.

  • Two words-- friends first! Get to know her, she might change her mind :)

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer. Well, I hope so :)

    • 20d

      Women make the worst friends because they are insane and catty. They'll destroy your life if you have too many around you.

  • if you keep asking her over and over, she might snap on you. i've been in the position where i had to turn down the same guy more than 10 times. it was annoying.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your answer. Nevertheless, I don't intend to go that far. I'll move on I think.

  • Sure... if you want... But she's obviously not into you. Doubtful you can change that.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your reply. It is obvious that she's not, will probably move on then for the best.

  • I think you should actually look for someone who wants to be with you. If this girl eventually says yes , she'll know it would be easy to dump you cause it's less likely you dump her. Go out there and look for a girl who wants to be with you and loves you. At least you'll know that was real love , not this lust that you have over some girl who constantly rejects you.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your response.

      As you said, I am probably better off looking into someone else. Hoping that I can find someone that could develop the same feelings as I do.

  • eternal *roll eyes*

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  • Said yes by accident, meant NOOOO

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your vote. No worries lady, I'll take that into consideration ;)

  • there are many more other girls it is creepy just leave her i clicked on yes by mistake by the way lmao it is a no

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    • 19d

      I've seen guys wear a girl out by asking so many times but if it works for them who are to say no

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    • 19d

      looks aren't love either if you search for love non of this matters money is the equivalent of beauty they are both not related to love and money doesn't bring happiness and beauty doesn't last it is your call

    • 19d

      I can agree with that

  • No, if she reject u indirectly is because she doesn't want to hurt ur feelings. But u got to understand that girls get ask out by many guys so a pushy one won't get us to think "oh he is unique I see something in him" because we get ask out by street losers that want one thing, guys that are looking for a rebound, "nice" guys that are only nice because they want something in return ext. So I think she is not interested but might want to still be friends with u. The reason why she hasn't reject u directly.

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    • 20d

      Attempting to find a way to reject someone without hurting his/her feelings is like searching for El Dorado or the Northwest Passage.

      People really ought to consider that direct rejection is the best rejection.

    • 20d

      @Bluemax true but some girls do indirect rejection because some feel like direct is too harsh. Like we put emotions first, and we as girls take and understand indirectly while guys just want direct and simple. But since we feel like "I don't want to hurt him cuz I like him but I don't like him like that" then we don't go for what is the best option which is directly, clean, fast and simple.

    • 19d

      Thank you for your opinion. In fact, she might have thought the same way as stated by yourself. Thus, I've decided to move on and not look back. I'll keep going forward in my life, I'll probably have a hard time to move on however this is what I should do.

  • No thats called harassment. There are other women

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What Guys Said 35

  • Don't waste your time on a girl who isn't interested. If a girl likes you, she will make time to be with you. Some persistence with women is good but you also need to learn to read the signs.

    With what you wrote so far I'm not sure if she is interested or not as it is unclear. It is possible that you didn't build enough comfort with her and she is not ready to be along with you in a 1:1 setting and wants to hang out in a group first. I suggest to hang out with her group of friends, win them over the best you can and then see if she'll hang out alone next time. If she still says no, then you can be pretty sure she isn't interested and suggested hanging out in a group because she didn't want a date.

    If she is uninterested, your energy would be far better spent finding another girl as it is way more difficult to convince someone who isn't into you to become attracted than to find a girl who is neutral and win her over.

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  • I would have to say back off a bit. Has she shown any interest in you? Has she ever flirted or flat out said she liked you? Even if you say yes to those it sounds like she is hesitating for some reason and on your end your forcing it too hard. I have been in an almost identical situation and I'm going to warn you now that if you keep pushing any feelings she has will go away or get pushed way way down.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your reply. To be honest with you, I am not smart when it comes to detecting the signs that she has interest in a person. As having a lack of experience in this field, I did some researches over google in order to find out the signs that shows that she's interested, such as touching one's arm and all. She doing such a thing, but I don't know if I can rely on google stuffs..

      What do you suggest then?

  • 3 strikes your out!!!

    Apply that rule, because if she turns you down three times... just stop, there's no point because you'll just lower your value in her eyes driving her further away.

    So for this situation, I vote "No".

    Forget about her and look for someone else.

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  • For a girl like that be her friend instead. She is hinting that she only sees you as someone she wants as a friend not a date.

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  • Yeah keep on asking her up until she hits the wall in her mid 30's after riding the cock carousel in her party years with psychopathic bad boys, tall jacked douche bags, rich high flyers and pretty boy players. By then she be ready to settle down with a good caring loyal nice guy once those other men won't find her attractive anymore since women's beauty eventually fades away.

    Its a female sexual strategy so don't be 2nd best or a beta whipped chump for any of these women and don't settle for scraps. Value yourself lads because no woman will.

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  • She's made up her mind, dude.

    The only option here is for you to respect yourself and her wishes and move on.

    Otherwise, YOU will damage any sort of connection you guys already have as friends if you keep up your persistence.

    Do yourself a favor and find someone else.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer.

      So, is it unhealthy to go after her as you suggest. Is it possible to develop a healthy friendship though or should I move on completely and forget about any kind of relationship/friendship that could happen between us?

    • 20d

      Severely unhealthy.

      And in terms of moving on as in leaving her behind completely or staying friends, that is up to you two.

      What I'm saying is, don't wait. It's a waste of your and her time.

  • You shouldn't listen to a women who "Sort of" says no. Negative body language and negative feedback from a woman does not always mean she doesn't like you. In womens' neurological brain there is a filtering system which chooses attraction or no attraction.
    This filter system that women have causes them to test guys out. Often it's sub-conscious and her attraction or lack of automatics get in her head.
    Here, I'll explain, You ask her out...
    -She says "No, sorry, I'm not interested. Very nice though" and you see her eyes dart away looking in other directions. You can tell she wants to run away. (that means NO)
    -She says "Umm *3 sec pause*" wow... oh, I'm actually interested in someone else" (that is a test!)
    She says "Can we just go with friends in a group so it's not too intimate" (that is a test!)

    She's not being deceptive. This is just the way the female brain works. She could not trust you or she could like you a lot but thinks it'll turn sour if you both are alone, or she could be unsure if you are good for her.

    Either way she is giving you a chance. and the tests will continue. Some tests are negative. Complying with them isn't always good.
    Example, if a women early in the relationship asks you to do something very specific such as holding her purse and standing in one spot for a minute then often its a test for dominance. It teaches her that you like her more. People lose interest in people they already have without trying.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your reply. After reading what you wrote, I think I failed at the test of dominance unfortunately lol.
      It is quite instructive what you said there, I'lo try to be more careful from now and on.

      Is there a way to recover if we failed at the test of dominance?

    • 20d

      Don't beat yourself up and it's not over. This is probably the reason why women just sit around with their thumb out and get a boyfriend in a day regardless of situation but men are told to read articles on how to pickup women and change their personality and body, maybe learn a special degree for 7yrs. lol

      These test continue during the beginning and attraction. Once you have the girl and she's into you these attraction tests are over.

      So, you have shown lack of confidence a bit. She's like "... uh maybe" and you respond in agreement. So if her sub-concious mind was usure and thinking something like "Should I be interested in this guy?" your answer was not too good haha:)

      Don't worry, keep talking to her and be relaxed about it.

    • 20d

      I'll go with the flow and see where this could lead me. I showed at some point a lack of confidence, maybe I can recover that by trying to pass the coming tests if she has some more to come. Hoping that this time I won't screw up and make things better. After that well, I'll think about moving on, at least I would have learned some stuffs from this experience despite not being the best one I'd have hoped for.

  • You are wasting your time. She may eventually say yes, but if so, it is only because you have annoyed her so much and she came to the conclusion it would be the fastest way to get you to stop pestering her.

    Your mistake is "highly attracted to her". Guess what? She isn't attracted to you.

    Instead of looking for the girl you are "highly attracted to", look for the girl that is attracted to you and ask HER out. You'll be glad you did.

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  • Go with the two strike rule, ask twice and move on. If she denies you without suggesting another date then move on. If she only wants to hangout with friends then she only see's you as a friend.

    Either way, there are way more women out there. You may be really attracted to her but you'll find that there are really attractive women everywhere. Find one that will say yes.

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  • This is the case where persistent isn't really the key bruh. Just move on already as it makes her uncomfortable and she already made up her mind about you. No matter how many times you ask her out, her answer will remain the same and she will just get annoyed the more you keep on trying. Good luck bruh

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  • No, it's a waste of time.
    Don't bother with someone who doesn't respond positively to your advances and don't ask them out more than once, it makes you look desperate.
    You are confident in your qualities and it is their job to realize what they are missing out on.
    The point is to make yourself look desirable, not them.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your reply. It is not simple to move on at all when you like a person, which is the case now unfortunately.

      I do not want to look desperate at all, so I took 2 weeks to ask her out again in order to avoid being too pushy but I think I failed somewhere in the process.

      Nevertheless, the last point you made about making yourself desirable is quite interesting. Can you tell me how can we do that? Thank you

  • She is NOT interested , if you carry on pestering her , she will go into full " FUCK OFF CREEP " ultra nasty rejection mode. Do NOT do this to yourself , if a woman is not interested in a man , she will NEVER be , don't be a " Friend Zone " casualty. Ignore her totally from now on & forget about her , if she WAS interested after ignoring her , she will chase YOU !!

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your answer. I think that she's in fact not interested, however I can not ignore her totally since we have a class in common and therefore the chances that we bump into each other are very high unfortunately.

      I'm glad that my class presentation group is not with her, because I would have had a hard time to work on the project while being around her lol.

  • No. don't keep asking if she indirectly says no. I would bring it up 2 more times tops. if she is busy or not in the mood or whatever, I move on.
    the only reason I even ask more than once is I'm giving the situation the benefit of the doubt and don't want to keep thinking to myself what if she really was busy, but after you ask her out again, it's pretty obvious you're interested and then it's up to her what she wants to do with that info.

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  • Sheet doesn't seem interested in you. You should leave her alone.

    I believe she probably should have rejected you more directly. Then this question might not even be necessary. Nonetheless, she's not into you.

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  • It's hard to say, because she could call the cops if she feels you are harassing her - like she seriously wants to you to stop. It might be best to move on, especially in THESE days.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer. As far as I know her, it won't get that far haha. Well, I'll try to move on if that's what you think to be the best option. Despite the fact that moving on is really difficult for the time being.

    • 20d

      You're welcome. It may be difficult, but you don't seem to have much choice.

  • I mean, you can keep asking her if you want, I don't think it's wrong. Most people will try to deflect your requests instead of directly rejecting you because they think it's more polite. If you've already asked her twice and she made up some reasons for why she couldn't go, then clearly she doesn't want to and you'd probably be wasting your time if you keep trying.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your reply.

      Well, the first time that I've asked her out she said that she already had plans with her friends to go to a nightclub and she also said that I could come if I wanted to. Nevertheless, I didn't feel wanting to come to join people I know nothing about so I didn't join.

      Then, the second time that I've asked her out she made up plans with her friends to do something, and she didn't lie about it because she sent pictures of what she was doing in a group conversation where I am part of it too.

      So it is either I am having a bad timing, unlucky, or both.
      I am kind of confused you know. Do you think that I should give it a last try?

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    • 20d

      Well you know, I highly prefer women that are clear in their feelings. Instead of politely rejecting me, by making some kind of plans with her friends she could simply tell me that she's not interested in a relationship so that way it will save us for both of us of getting into troubles, and aswell save precious time.

      Unfortunately, that's not the way women act.

    • 19d

      It's not just women, everyone acts like that, especially employers. They make every excuse they can as to why they aren't hiring you yet, lol.

  • Give up. They just get annoyed at persistence and eventually she will quit being polite and tell you to gtf away from her (been there, done that, tho it was long ago). If she were interested she would have jumped at the chance the first time you asked.

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer. Well, maybe she has been quite busy with the studies and work she is currently doing or I am simply making up excuses to refuse to accept to move on. I will see what her reactions are this week, and act accordingly.

      Do you think that is it a good idea to ask her out one last time or should I forget this idea?

    • 20d

      Forget it. If she has time at some point she will bring it up, since she now already knows your available. I wouldn't put life on hold and wait for that to happen though.

  • Presistency does work. Why does it work? Because often times she gets over the superficial components that are deterring her away from you and starts to recognise she's sort of liking you as a person

    But at the same time do you really want a girl that doesn't see you as her first choice...

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your feedback. As you said it, I don't want to be an alternative. I want to be considered as first option, so maybe I might consider moving on even if such a thing is kind of diffucult for the time being.

  • In your situation, no. Both responses were just brush off's..

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your feedback. Well, I like her so much that it is hard to simply move on. I usually have a hard time to ask out a girl due to my social anxiety, nevertheless with this one I had the courage to ask her out.

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    • 20d

      You are agreeing with everybody's feedback. You are honestly going to stay in the same place if you don't grow a pair..

    • 20d

      Well, I am thankful for the feedbacks I received. Nevertheless, I agree with their feedbacks and I am eventually collecting opinions so once I have more informations I can make up my mind and decide what's the best solution.

  • Alright or not isn't the question in my opinion, the question is why you would keep asking her if it looks like she wants to make a scene when rejecting you? Sounds like she wants drama (and lots of it).

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your feedback. I would have keep asking her because I like her that's all. That's related to my feelings unfortunately. Nevertheless, after thinking for a while I think that the best would be to move on otherwise it will not end in a good way.

  • No, time to move on. Suggesting a group meeting should have told you she's only interested in being friendly at best, which you'll lose if you keep asking.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your response. As you said, it is better to move on. I am going to have a hard time right now because I am really interested in that girl. Nevertheless, it will end up badly if I don't move on. So I'm going to move on despite the fact that it is going to be a slow process in the time being.

  • Move on. She politely rejected you in the hopes you'd take the hint.

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  • As long as you're not making her uncomfortable, it's your choice. But your details are weird/incomplete

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your answer. I don't know what do you mean by the details are weird/incomplete to be honest. If you want to know a specific information that I didn't reveal kindly ask it here. It will be my pleasure to try to solve this issue, so you can give me a clearer answer :)

  • That depends how badly you want her, but honestly you might be better off spending that effort finding another girl

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your response. Well, moving on will be the last option I'd choose.

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    • 20d

      "That depends how badly you want her..."

      Can we agree that *her* feelings on this matter are relevant? Shouldn't he be taking those into account?

    • 20d

      @Bluemax In that case he should still keep trying, but only until he knows she's not going to be interested in which case he should leave her alone out of consideration

  • Give up cause you also deserve someone better who actually likes/loves you...

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer. Nevertheless, aren't women sometimes rejecting you to know if you really want her and how hard you are willing to give to get what you want?

      Maybe I am wrong on this one, and would like to know what you think about it.

    • 20d

      Ummm they do but you don't know of the is doing it! Maybe pursue her a little bit and try to know if she was really rejecting you or playing games

    • 20d

      You are totally wrong about this. No, women aren't rejecting guys just to see if they are really serious. Forget this woman and find another.

  • don't chase girls let them chase you

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    • 20d

      Thank you for your answer. I've been told to go after what you want. That's really interesting what you are saying here, can you elaborate on how to proceed?

      I would highly appreciate to learn more about this topic, as this can be helpful on longterm.

    • 20d

      you're welcome my friend be confident try to be cool always an never act like a wimp and give the impression that you don't need them make yourself look busy and in demand I hope it helps bro

  • NO! No no no no no!!!

    Have some self respect.

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  • More people around could honestly mean many things, but she also has two strikes. Don't let give her a chance for the third, move on.

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  • If she says no three times, pack it in.

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    • 19d

      Thank you for your reply.
      So far, she indirectly said no two times I think to stop there and move on. Despite I like her so much, I should stick to my ground rules that I've set to myself that it is asking out girls no more than 2 times.

  • I've done it to the point where they roll their eyes. lol

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