Who should pay on a date?

The man or the woman, or both? Why?

Men, do you feel like your masculinity is being challenged if you don't pay? Women, do you feel offended if a guy won't let you pay?

Please mention in the comments below what country you are from. Also, for any gay / queer relationships, I'd like to know what you have experienced as well.




  • Man
    41% (40)29% (33)35% (73)Vote
  • Woman
    8% (8)15% (17)12% (25)Vote
  • Other
    51% (50)56% (62)53% (112)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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What Guys Said 50

  • NO ONE should pay for early dates - you shouldn't plan early dates that cost money, or at most, more than a trivial amount of money. Instead, your early dates should be based on spending time together talking with each other, learning if the two of you will be compatible in a long-term relationship (you essentially have to interview each other, asking about important issues like family, children, religion, finances, where you'll live, etc.).

    You shouldn't spend any significant amount of money on a date until you're both pretty sure you've got long-term compatibility - and part of that should have included things like "how to fairly split the cost of dates."

    I've been told on a number of occasions that my first date with a girl was "the best first date she'd ever been on" - and I spent nothing or nearly nothing on the date. If you need to spend money to impress her, then your game is WEAK (and ultimately, it won't work, unless she's a gold digger in the first place).

    I can hardly believe that this is an almost daily question here, when the solution is VERY simple.

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    • 23d

      thats weak, you never get a woman that is worth a shit like that

    • 23d

      @kickme not weak, very clever. It's kind of like how in a job interview, you are selected for the job based on how you look and how well you can act and talk yourself up. I think you can probably guess where i'm going with this analogy, that's 100% the same thing as what happens on these structured 'dates' you believe get 'a women who is worth a shit'

  • In Japanese culture, the man pays for the woman's time in a date. Pretty much 90% of the time, unless a working woman wants to repay for the man's kindness.

    However, experiencing American culture, I've noticed that there is an equal term to where sometimes, women are paying for the man's time in a date or both pay equally the fair amount. Makes me realize culture is an interesting thing really.

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  • i think it's up to the couple. me personally feel like i want a partner who feels like a partner in the relationship and thus would want to contribute to dates

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  • While I agree that the man can treat a woman at special times, in this day and age, money is tight, and money should not separate two people wanting to go on a date together. We also live in an increasingly equal rights society and that has an effect on dates too. It is OK to buy a woman food sometimes but there should be a respect for each other too. Maybe the man is broke and the woman pays for dinner this time, maybe neither have enough for two but just enough for meals for themselves. We live in a different time and age, where traditions of the past are changing today. Besides, don't you hate that feeling that you owe something back to the guy after he buys you dinner?

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  • For me, I usually go Dutch on the date, so that nobody feels pressured or used.

    However, if the girl I'm with either 1) isn't working, 2) having financial issues, or 3) think or know she makes significantly less income than me... then I have no problem paying for us.

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  • the bill should be looked at at the end of the dinner and split up. i pay for what i ate, she pays for what she ate.. why should the guy have to pay the entire bill?

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    • 23d

      Sad sad sad. Boys like you are why men are dying off in this country. Let me guess, on the date she would drive and if she gets a flat tired on her car you would make her change it herself, right?

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    • 23d

      No, not all women do. In fact, that MAJORITY don't... it's the vocal minority do. The majority see that things are equal and like things as they are.

      You pay the bill because you're expected to be the man. Part of being the man is providing. Part of providing is paying for a goddamn meal. If you can't fulfill that role, then I feel sorry for whatever girl gets suckered into going out with you.

    • 23d

      @ProbablyTooMature i dont like women so you dont have to worry about that

  • Whoever asked the other out should pay. After that, split the bill.

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  • I would say I would base it on fairness and ability to pay.

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  • How about this - the government pays.

    May sound as a joke, but if we consider where Western population growth is going (nowhere, like in Japan), this might be the case the coming decades.

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    • 23d

      With what money? Probably tax money, in which case you'll be paying not only for your own dates but also other people's dates.

    • 23d

      @lumos pretty much. As I said - sounds stupid but you don't know what they might do if they become desperate.

  • I will undoubtedly pay the entire bill, however if i see that after a couple of dates the girl doesn't ever offer to contribute with paying the bill, then i start to think she is just taking advantage of me. That's the most polite thing a woman can do to a man during the courtship dating phase.

    I recommend you watch Matthew Hussey's video called "Who Pays on a First Date?", where he explains it perfectly.

    I would link it, but i am not level 2 yet.

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  • First date always split the bill.

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  • If it's the first date, whoever asked.

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  • A matter of negotiation. I pay for most of the ordeals, sometimes she wants to pay her part.
    It's just money, I can't be bothered to trip over trivial nonsense. Eventually, I asked her out because I wanted to spend time with her.

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  • Both. It's 2016. Can't demand gender equality and chivalry.

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    • 22d

      Ok then are men gonna be as pressured to spend as much time and money on their appearance as women?

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    • 22d

      @mistixs

      I'll bite. My hobbies include bodybuilding and martial arts which does improves my physical aesthetics. I can provide you an itemized list in what I spend on just my appearance per month.

      Gym membership - $50
      Martial Arts & Kickboxing lessons - $100
      Supplements ( protein powder, multivitamins, fish oil ) - $150
      Full body wax - $300 *women pay less to have this done*
      Haircut - $25 + $10 tip
      Razors & shaving cream - $10
      Full body tan - $30

      Total: $350 - $400 per month

      How much do you spend on your appearance per month? Let's see your list.

    • 10d

      @mistixs No, we most certainly do not, and obviously no comparison can be drawn between what it takes for a man to look good compared to a woman, and to suggest such is highly unreasonable.

      Men need a disciplined workout for years, in many cases to push themselves beyond the boundaries of their genetic potential, and some go so far as to use dangerous drugs to get the "right" body. This also takes a diet the likes of which requires a correct balance of macronutrients, and likely keeping accurate track of them in a log.

      Women merely need to not eat too much and not get fat.

      It is VASTLY more difficult for a man, and NONE of us give a crap about all those things that cost you so much. You can get dressed for less than $10 from Walmart, no makeup, and if you're not fat, you're still ahead of 95% of women in this country.

  • The one who offers to take the other to dinner is the one who should be willing to pay for the whole thing, but it's always nice to offer or split no matter which one you are.

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  • Sorry, I'm a man, not a millennial. The man should pay. The exception being if she was taking me out to celebrate something (my birthday, an accomplishment or.. something similar). But even then she would have a hard time talking me into it.

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  • I always pay. It's the least I can do.

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  • How about they both should pay?

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  • As a guy, I think in the beginning when he's courting you, then hell ya, he should pay for absolutely everything! At the very least during the first 6 months or so of courtship you shouldn't have to reach for your wallet. After that, when you've been in a relationship for a while and you don't mind paying your half sometimes, go ahead, but it would have to be you who decides and not him who says you should do it. But if he's a gentleman he won't let you pay even then and continue to pay for everything. :)

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  • I think it should be split.

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  • Splitting is ideal at first... once we've established a rapport and seen that she is self sufficient and trustworthy, then I wouldn't mind paying because I know she'll make it up to me in some way and I already know I value the time with her.

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    • 23d

      BUT also the one relationship I've been in AS AN ADULT I paid for everything from the start... because I was foolish, and then at some point I told her she should do more to support herself and she left... I guess splitting shows who actually likes you, while paying might attract some people just by the act in itself

  • The one who asked is the one that should pay at least on the first date

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  • On a date who asked and who has more cash?

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  • Not... this... question... again...

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  • I am. in America, I think that the person who asks should pay.

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  • Whoever asks the other person out should pay in my opinion

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  • Depends, are we equals?

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  • Whoever actually asks for the date.

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  • Girls always fucking asking for equality, except when it comes to paying for shit.

    There's your answer!

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  • Women need to pay for all dates.
    Males spend too much money on other things like cars ets!

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 33

  • It should be split between the people on the date.

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  • Everyone has their own preference when it comes to this so I don't think anyone *should* do something they don't want to do, or *shouldn't* do something they want to do. It's up to the individual to decide what he/she wants and expects.
    For me, personally, when I go on the first few dates with someone, I'd prefer it if we paid for our own stuff (if we happen to even buy something, that is, since I don't think spending money on dates is necessary). I just think involving money so early on is somewhat of a risk and could potentially make things awkward. Plus, I don't want some guy to think that he's entitled to me doing him (sexual?) favors just because he paid for my coffee or my dinner. Or even that we should keep dating just because he paid. Nor do I want money to over complicate things, or make things weird. So, while we're still getting to know each other, I'd prefer to not involve any money at all. Or, if money is involved, we pay for our own stuff.
    It always makes me feel awkward and guilty when someone offers to pay for something I want, even if it's small. Then I'll always feel like I owe them something, either a favor or their money back. And like I said I don't think that would work for me when dating, because dating is supposed to be non-committing. You're just getting to know each other.
    If I have to comment on other people's dating ideals, I'd have to say that *expecting* the other person to pay has never sat well with me. It's one thing if you pick a partner based on their conservative views and you know for sure they have the same standards as you. It's another thing if you just randomly expect everyone to abide to your standards, even though they might not feel the same way.

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  • Everybody pays their own bill and that's it.

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  • Why don't the couples take turns or split the check, that way nobody is being rude and its perfectly fair.
    But I was raised to always offer people things and to pay for other people with my own money as an act of kindness. No one should have that kind of weird obsession over money where they can't even cover the bill...

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  • I believe that whoever asked for the date should pay. Why? Because it's like a host/guest relationship in that sense. The host invited the guest, and thus, should provide for the guest. It's rude to expect your guest to accommodate the host.

    I also believe in separating checks simply because not all dates work out perfectly as planned. If there's an argument or dispute which causes you two to have not the best chemistry, you should just pay for your own food and leave without having to "owe" anyone anything. It also works if one person ordered particularly expensive stuff such as wine or steak/seafood.

    P. S. Separating checks and splitting the bill are different. Splitting the bill means that you split the bill 50/50 even if one person ordered more than the other, separating checks means that you pay only for whatever you ordered.

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  • Pay for your own damn food, I always pay for my own food and will offer to pay for yours, I don't need anyone buying me anything unless I don't have the means to buy it straightaway but I can assure you, I always pay back. If I'm on a date, I'll try to convince the guy to split half and half. I don't know why society is so caught up with that question. Do what makes you chill.

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  • Everyone pays for what they're having. I can't stand when people insist on paying for me, I hate nothing more than owing people.

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  • How about a free date? Where no one has to pay for anything?

    Also... as they're all individuals - they can all pay for themselves.

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  • Don't know, don't care and don't think this should be the huge issue people make it out to be.

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  • First date man then whoever asks for date. In a steady relationship both should make attempts to show appreciation and mix up the costs.

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  • If he asks me, he pays. If i ask him, i pay.

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  • both should pay for themselfs

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  • I think on a first date it would be nice for the guy to pay since that is the tradition, but if the dating turns into a relationship then I see no reason for the guy to be paying all the time unless he is rich and the girl is super broke. I think it is important for the couple to split the bill when they are in a relationship.

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    • 23d

      and its tradition for women to be in the kitchen but we dont seem to want to follow that particular tradition eh? women only follow traditions that are beneficial to them :)

    • 23d

      @EnteringValhalla lol no fucking way. I said it is nice if the guy pays for the first date but after that they should split the bill. Same thing goes for being in the kitchen. I don't want to cook all the time but I will cook. Actually in my plan you have the better end of the deal... you only have to pay at first and once you are married you are both paying. I have to cook for my husband until he's dead.

  • That depends
    If it's a casual date/ I am not serious, then whoever. I can pay, or he can.

    If it's serious. That's the only guy I am dating, then him, unless he is financial problem.
    Or if whatever we are planning is too expensive , then I would contribute

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  • Both-I think they should each pay for what they got, unless, someone offers. Then it's ok to accept.

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  • The one who initiated the date should offer to pay. I always want to pay for myself though, I don't believe the guy has a duty to pay for me.

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  • I have Never had an Issue with being a Straight laced gal on Here, Dear... First Date, not yet a Mate, he just Naturally pulls out his Wallet.
    I live in the USA and with Dating and Mating, have Been in Many Relationships, I still even Have a Muslim Man over in Egypt that I had Lived with, Unless we are Two birds of a Feather who Finally stick Together, No Necessary demands on my own Ends, it just so Happily Happen to Normally work out this way, Best from the Rest. xx

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  • whoever asks the other out. on the last date i went on i actually paid before he got there though. it made it a lot less awkward actually haha ill probably end up doing that in the future

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  • Whoever asks out must play, unless they agree to split.

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  • I'm from the South and I grew up being taught that men should pay and most guys around here were raised the same.

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  • the one who ask you out or split if we're agree to try out the new reataurant

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  • I live in the UK and I prefer men to pay, I like chivalry.

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    • 23d

      Inequality and privilege you mean?

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    • 22d

      And if your boyfriend didn't ask you out on a date ever i bet you would have the hump saying 'men should ask women out to dinner'...

    • 22d

      @Jamesol1 Probably... I don't ever make the first move anymore.

  • Whoever extended the invitation pays, after a few days either pay for your own or take turns

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  • Both if just friends or first date

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  • The girl should pay!

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  • i'm so tired of these questions.

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  • both sometimes the guy, sometimes the girl and split the bill.

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  • The inviter. Though, if you are Chinese, then you want to pay the bill regardless if you are the inviter or guest. Paying for the bill is a polite gesture in Chinese culture, because it shows that you care about that person and don't want that person to pay the expense. But then, the other person feels that he/she deserves to pay the bill. . . and the argument continues.

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  • I'd say whoever ask for the date. since I don't ask men out I've never paid for a date in my life. and don't plan on it. if I pay it ain't a date

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  • Going Dutch is always a good way to deal with it.

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