Why it's so difficult for me to fall in love?

I am 23 years old and when I was a teenager I used to fell in love very easily. After I complete 20 I didn't really fall in love with anyone else. Do you know the famous butterflies in the stomach? So, I never felt it again. I only liked a few guys but it was a warm thing and the relationship didn't last... I miss falling in love, like really love someone. Is there something wrong with me or did I just not meet the right person yet? I'm feeling very frustrated about it. :(


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What Guys Said 13

  • it's hard because you are trying to put two people together. that means finding likeminded people over a whole grocery list of things like values, belief systems, roles in relationships. plus they have to have similar ideas of what they want in a relationship. there is the physical attraction requirement... and then there is sexual compatibility.

    it's hard to figure to figure out that chemistry and it takes a long times in most cases to really find out how two people can coexist

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  • Don't feel so down. As you mature and become wiser your no longer after bullshit. It all depends on how you view a potential and how much thought your putting into it.

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  • When you get older you realize how hard love is and you are pickier about who you let yourself fall for.

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  • Teenage feelings of love are often more about excitement and infatuation. Love is not the feeling of butterflies, love is the feeling of total acceptance, of total confidence in your relationship, or the willingness to work hard and to sacrifice. It is the knowledge that the person you are with is the best person for you, that they make you better, that they make you stronger. Love is a sense of peace within yourself because of the person with you. It's not about fireworks.

    Love is based on a deep knowledge of someone, from their worst to their best, that gives you a home in the world.

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  • Chances are you've had too many sexual partners. A woman's ability to pair bond is decreased with every partner she has. Most never notice is, and just go on about their lives pretending they can still have feelings for a man. You obviously have more ability to be introspective than most.

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    • 21d

      I'm virgin, so it's not that.

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    • 21d

      Nah, not foolish. I think it's good. I mean, I wouldn't date you, but that's just because it would be a waste of my time and yours. I got nothing against virgins, would prefer one if I was going to have a serious relationshit, but if she's waiting for marriage or 'true love' or something, I'm out. I don't believe in love and I won't ever get married again, so why waste both parties' time, you know?

      Anyway, good luck, and keep waiting until you're ready. Don't rush things for someone else. I do truly hope you can get this issue resolved.

    • 21d

      Thanks :D

  • Sounds like you are describing "lust" more than love, and either "grew up" or had a shift in body chemistry due to diet or even ending your growing cycles.

    True love may have butterflies, but it very quickly fades into simply a warm and deep respect. The excitememt part is short lived.

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  • I guess you haven't meet the right one. You hormones were a lot higher when you were younger.

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  • I think you just haven't met the right person yet

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  • It is not easy to fantasy with burden.
    I would have the feeling after taking rest half year.
    Especially, They lost in the society.

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  • "And I fell in love and I feel nothing and I fell in love and I feel the same and I fell in love and I feel nothing and I fell in love.." everybody knows that your insane-queens of the stone age

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  • Because you get smarter with age, usually 20's. I haven't felt the butterfly thing since my teens over 80 years ago, long enough to where I've almost forgotten what it felt like, but still just enough to where I know I'd rather avoid it.

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  • Your just jaded like the rest of us

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  • You waited too long. You lost your capacity to truly love with age, as practically all females do once they pass the threshold of 21yrs old. Now, it's all just going to be about what those guys can do for you, what they can provide you with and how much you'll have to do for them in return. You, and most women these days, don't love any more- you're incapable of doing so. Instead, you view all relationships as professional relationships, evaluating all potential partners on their net worth and their potential fiscal growth, in exactly the same manner as a corporate analyst. Or, indeed, as a professional sex worker. Because that's what you are- professionals. Every amateur girl- with an 'amateur' defined as someone who participates in an activity for its recreational value, because they actually enjoy it, as opposed to someone who does them professionally, perceiving the activity as an arduous task and demanding a wage for their services- loses the ability to love, and goes pro with their approach to relationships, by the age of 20 at the latest nowadays. Most of them do so before they even reach the legal age of consent. Because there's no such thing as love for love's sake any more- you, YOU don't see love as being worth taking any risks for. And you want to be paid a constant wage, with a welfare plan, pensions package and severance package, in exchange for giving anything to anyone, including love, kindness and affection; whereas you're more than happy to take everything that we have to give and more without giving a thing in return. It's that sense of entitlement, which is why you don't have the capacity for love any more. You don't give yourself to anyone; you don't hope, or form any infatuations with anyone besides yourselves. You simply take, expect, and demand to be loved, respected, revered and worshipped by men simply because you're female. With that kind of attitude, is it any wonder that you can't fall in love any more? Your egos are so inflated that no man could ever possibly be perceived to be worthy of you falling in love with him any more.

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What Girls Said 10

  • Yes, it definitely gets more difficult as you get older... especially to trust that strongly in someone after previous disappointments. Equally so to see someone as compatible enough for you to WANT to spend a future with them.
    I'm 30 and I haven't truly loved the way I do now for ages... and it's that very same surreal value that will plunge you into loving that deeply again.
    If I had to say why it gets harder... I think it's because we, or those of us like myself, unwittingly try to force the circumstances and compare... and examine our prospects with every which way... as if we're determining whether they're worth our love.
    And then I learned that it's not how love works at all. I mean you hear it... and it generically makes sense but until it actually happens while you weren't looking it doesn't quite make sense.
    I've said it before and I'll say it again... I met my boyfriend over dick and fart jokes and our drunk stories. I know for a fact that neither of us dared to consider that we'd become what we have.
    I remember admiring him. I also remember judging him as jaded and emotionally unavailable. From the first time we met we high fived, took a photo together (as friends only) and added each other on Facebook. Two weeks later we got together platonically for a concert. What started off as a 'non-date' ended up talking about our trust issues and bonding over it with a high five. We didn't kiss that night but it was enough to catalyst a date just two days later. A date that was equally enjoyable as our 'un-date' and ended with some serious chemistry sparking between us when he asked if he could kiss me. For weeks we went on frequent dates but refused to put a label on it, mutually. (There's a bigger explanation to that that.) And without much effort on our part... I don't know that we ever decided to fall in or suddenly declare that it would become love... as much as we turned around and realized we'd already found it... which can be a pretty shocking moment... realizing that you found what you were looking for in someone you never thought thought to or planned to find it.
    And I really can't imagine any other way it could happen once you hit a certain age... because what it comes down to... is that relationships... with people in general... acquaintances, friends, best friends... they just happen somewhere in between living.

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  • You just haven't met the right person yet. You are becoming more discerning as you get older. That's not a bad thing at all.

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  • I think when your self confidence starts to increase and you really start knowing your worth, you just don't simply accept any man (that's how I am anyways). I think when you really find that one guy that you know is worth it, then you'll feel all bubbly and stuff...

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  • Cause when you are a teenager, your hormones are raging. Now you are older, they aren't anymore. That wasn't exactly love when you were younger... more like glorified hormonal lust

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  • Maybe it's bc you're not in contact and interacting with as many guys as you did
    in high school and with social activities when you were younger.
    When you get older your social contacts and activities suddenly get cut off
    and severely limited, and that can get a little depressing.
    Are you in college, or do you just have a job where see the same few every day?
    I don't have any advice, but if this applies to you, maybe you get the idea.

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  • You just haven't met the right person. You are not alone. I've had plenty of crushes but haven't fallen in love yet. It will take time. Hope we'll find ours soon!

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  • I feel the same but I'm 19 years old and I don't feel butterflies in my stomach anymore. Earlier I used to feel them too. I wonder what's happened

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  • You just haven't met the right guy yet!! Dont sweat it! You'll soon find him!;)

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  • I don't know but I have the same problem. I've only been in love once.

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  • I don't know how to help you. It's extremely difficult for me too.

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