Is a 23yr old mum unappealing?

So I'm a 23yr old mother to 9 month old. And SINGLE due to no fault of my own as my ex was abusive. I guess my question is... is this an unappealing scenario to future possible dates? being a young mother.. is it to much baggage? I have the looks and the personality.. but my baby is everything to me and a part of that package. Are guys mature enough to give me a shot or has this made the dating scene even harder?


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What Guys Said 26

  • It has made the dating scene a little harder, yes, it would be a lie to say otherwise. Anyone dating you has to consider that you have a child and that, if they were looking for something longer term, they would be taking on that responsibility. Guys of your age may not be ready for that responsibility. Guys in general may prefer to have a child of their own.

    That said, there are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't be scared of taking on a child, particularly if they fell for you. Hope is far from lost. Guys take on this kind of scenario all the time.

    What you need to do is to be sure about what you want and to make sure that you are cautious around new prospective guys. If you don't mind casual things and you aren't looking for a husband and a father then great. If you are looking for either of those things you need to try and be sure that new guys coming into your life are genuine and are genuinely interested in the longer term. Many guys might say all the right things if it gets them into your pants. It doesn't mean that they will be prepared to go the whole way.

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  • Some guys, like my best friend, consider a baby a huge negative and would never date a girl with one.

    On the other hand some see it as a sign that they have a better chance of getting lucky (they kinda know where babies come from)

    It depends on the guy. It takes more work, because you have to kind of get along with both of you and there is that entire aspect of not having as much freedom to do whatever you guys want to do.

    It can also change things depending on the age. Baby vs 6yo vs teenager.

    It definitely changes things. With all that said, never bothered me one bit. I love kids. Just takes the right guy.

    Just make sure you aren't shopping for a father, but someone you need in your life.

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  • "is this an unappealing scenario to future possible dates?"

    Yes. Guys stay away from single moms for various reasons. And these reasons have nothing to do with "Are guys mature enough to give me a shot"

    1. The child always comes first (rightfully so).
    2. Possible tension with the father of the child.
    3. Ultimatively being expected to be raising another guys child when things would get serious.
    4. Implies the girl is immature by having slept around and got herself prego outside a stable relationship.
    5. It costs extra $$$
    6. Possible mental baggage.

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  • guys figure this out, some guys will like that or be ok with it, quite a few at your age won't because they aren't ready for responsibility... including your X. may have to go a little older, or look in places where they teach values.

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  • It's unappealing, young single mothers have pretty much proven that they make bad choices in men lol. Not someone I want to deal with personally.

    Any man worth his salt will stay away because he has plenty of other options.

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  • It shouldn't be an actual handicap maybe go for guys slightly older, mid to late 20s, they won't be as judgy.

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    • 19d

      It's an huge handicap, but so is an old age, so yes she would have better chance there.

  • I will be completely honest. It is baggage. It's huge. You will ALWAYS put your kid before a man, and he's not even the father. So many will not be willing to even try it out. Looks and personality will not be as important anymore.
    BUT some guys will want to give it a try if they like you enough. Especialy those who are not very demanding. Some may even find it appealing that you tok the responsibility for your mistake.

    In short: Your dating poll is reduced drasticaly. But at the same time you weed out the immature "never settle" guys right away.

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  • Not at this age. As a 23 year old myself, most guys this age want to work and play hard, not have unneeded responsibilities. you could find someone who will go hard for you because maybe your personality is worth going for but that is such a low possibility. Just focus on raising your child. You made your life choices.

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  • Sorry but most of us don't want another guy's child, and it's had very little to do with maturity, and after all it's your problem for having a child from the wrong guy, not ours.

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  • "due to no fault of my own".

    Nope. Red flag right there.

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    • 11d

      Oh your saying nearly killing me and my unborn child was my fault?

    • 11d

      Well, yeah.

      Why did you choose to have a kid with such an asshole?

  • There are guys that would date you, it does make you unappealing to some guys as some guys would not like to raise another guy's daughter. But there are guys out there that would like to date you.

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  • Yes to me..

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  • Guys like girls, so, don't worry about it.
    Some will go for it all the way to marriage, some will not.
    The thing you need to make sure is to not find ANOTHER abusive boyfriend.

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  • It'll make it more difficult, but certainly not impossible.

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  • "Are guys mature enough to give me a shot"

    I will always come second to a kid thats not even mine. Its a no from me.

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  • Yes.

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  • For me personally, it's a deal breaker.

    Not my kid, not my problem mentality.

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  • Not if she got a sexy ass

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    • 19d

      She needs to have very sexy ass to even try to compensate for being an single mother.

  • some guys will let you for that but others won't... there's a reason why there's a "MILF" fetish

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  • No i think more attractive

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  • U still can get some mature guys

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  • Of course it will make it harder, i don't understand why people reproduce, i mean what for?

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  • No you still, are.

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  • It wouldn't bother me

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  • I don't wanna be mean here, but I do need to be honest.

    It is... but maybe unfairly.
    When a guy sees a single mom, there are two worries:
    1) she is single because she has problems/makes bad choices
    or
    2) she is looking for someone else to provide for her, and a relationship with her is just being roped into raising someone else's kid.

    Now, these are legitimate concerns, but they can be unfair. For #1, it is also possible she could be a widow, or the guy cheated, or a billion other reasons, leaving her a single mom through no fault of her own.

    The second reason is the bigger concern. See, raising someone else's kid IS NOT actually a problem for most guys. The worry is that the ONLY REASON she is with us is because she needs the financial support or an otherwise worthwhile guy who is willing to take on responsibility, and if she wasn't a mom for example, she might not even consider us.

    Most guys know someone who raised a step kid, and loves the kid like their own. But most guys also know someone who was basically used for their money and time and work and everything, but not really loved and appreciated, and basically was just a piggy bank, raising someone else's kid, losing the best years of his life to supporting a woman and her kid without either appreciating him.

    So... it can be unappealing, and the reasons it can be are sometimes fair and legitimate... but they're sometimes really really not. I think guys should, in general, be more willing to consider a single mother. But I also have witnessed, first hand, why some guys just write them off entirely.

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  • Without question it will make the dating scene harder. It's not insurmountable, but DEFINITELY harder. You'll need to figure out how you can make a potential guy happy as well as taking care of your daughter. It certainly helps if you have the looks! lol!

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What Girls Said 7

  • I wouldn't be so quick to ask "Are guys mature enough to give me a chance?" because that sounds a bit condescending, as if a guy your age not wanting to father someone else's child indicates lack of maturity. It doesn't, if anything he's being more mature by admitting he can't handle the responsibility instead of hoping he can just get with you and ignore your kid.

    Onto your actual question it will be more difficult in a sense but it's not impossible; there's always somebody out there who can appeal to your circumstance because they love you unconditionally.

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    • 19d

      Or desperate enough to take an girl with a such an big "package".

  • Girl please my mom had 10 kids and she still looks good. Every guy that wanted to be with her had to deal with us and guess what they sure did. Don't feel bad for yourself who ever loves you will love your kid too. I am happy you left your abusive man that's bs. Girl stand tall and do for you and your baby don't worry about a guy right now.

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  • Anyone with a child is unappealing, but that's just me. I mean, I can make exceptions for a guy I reaaally liked, but I feel too young to be a step mom despite how much I love kids. I'd be more open to it in a couple years from now.

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  • Some, no all guys. Not a lot of guys are very mature at those ages.

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  • I know a few young single moms who have no trouble finding dates. At all.

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    • 11d

      Dates or a root... I know people like that and it's usually because they are easy. Not saying everyone.

  • You were not mature enough to avoid having a baby at such young age, so it's kind of unfair to demand men to be mature and able to deal with you and your baby.

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  • I think being a single parent definitely makes it harder. Because now a potential date needs to asses whether or not they can handle that extra responsibility. If you guys get serious down the road, what are the expectations? I think that goes through every guys head when he is faced with this situation.

    It doesn't make a guy immature to not want to be a part of that situation. The reality is that children do require extra care, and someone who does not yet have kids has chosen to not take on that responsibility. At 23, most guys your age are still figuring out what they want to do in their lives. So it's a transitional time for them. Settling down at this time in their lives can restrict them in what opportunities they can take.

    So that might be the bigger factor here. I think you need to have an open mind in dating. And be honest with guys. Some will be wary of you simply because they are unsure of the situation between you and your ex.

    Plenty of guys out there will date a woman with kids. Maybe try dating other guys who have kids too. They will understand your situation best.

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