Sometimes you need to hook-up first before deciding on a relationship. Agree or disagree?

Found this opinion from a guy here and it intrigued me.

I have quoted it below:

"Personally at the start of knowing each other there's no difference. Assuming I'm sexually attracted to them then until I know them better I have no idea whether I'd like to have a relationship or not. How could I? She might be sexy as hell but just not my personality type, or batsh*t insane, or 101 other things that might mean she and I are not compatible. Your premise is wrong. It's not "hookup OR relationship" so looking for signs is pure nonsense. Hookups (like spending time together and conversation) are a way of getting to know someone. The more you know someone the more you know whether you want a relationship with them. Until you do these things you cannot be sure you are compatible and therefore want a relationship with them or not" - p00pp00pp00p

Thoughts?


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What Guys Said 14

  • As a guy, I definitely need to hook up with a girl before I decide I want a relationship. As much as possible, I need to know the full range of our interactions. And I hate focusing on sex so much, because it's not just sex. Like would the question also follow that I only need to hookup with a girl to know whether or not I want a relationship? Absolutely not. I want to know how she (or we) handle conflict. I want to know how we joke together, what types of restaurants we like to go to, how she deals with drama with work and family, and how she feels about how I deal with all of these things. And yeah, while it might seem crude, I want to know if she's a tight fit or if I like the way she smells.

    As a guy with a small dick, I can tell you this story about this girl Julia. We got along GREAT! We met via online dating and talked online for a while, sending texts, laughing, joking, blah blah. It was great. She had a rough time with her last boyfriend because he beat her and stuff and she was so excited to meet and date a different type of guy. We went out a couple times and wanted to take it slow, but by the end of the third date we were all over each other and couldn't wait to get back to my place. Anyway, it ended up being like putting a pickle in a mayonnaise jar. After that night, she stopped talking to me IMMEDIATELY and when we finally did get in contact again, she told me she had gone back to her ex-boyfriend -- the one who liked to beat her.

    I want God to know that if she continues to get beat to this day, this is on Him.

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  • I see the appeal for a different reason. I think girls have higher standards on sexual attraction for hookups so its more flattering to be the guy she is excited to have sex with than it is to be the guy she wants to wait over a month taking her on dates before she sleeps with you.

    So being the guy she has sex with right away = you're hot and exciting.

    Being the guy she wants to take things slow with = she sees you as safe and reliable. you meet the baseline level of attraction but aren't anything special.

    Starting out as fwbs filters out all the girls who aren't that attracted to you and aren't excited to sleep with you. Id feel like a loser to be the guy waiting over a month when other guys were able to get ger to want to send nudes and have sex within thefirst week.

    So if given a choice, I would much rather have her see me as a fwbs first and a boyfriend/husband last.

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  • I disagree. Sexual attracion isn't something you need to try to figure out you have it. And the intense chemical rush it releases just distracts from paying attention to who your potential date really is as a person.

    The only halfway valid reasoning I can see is figuring out sexual compatibility. So it's one possible benefit vs a lot of possible negatives of doing that

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  • Only one way to find out 😎

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  • Don't be so naive: this is just an excuse players use to pump and dump you. If you want to know each other better you talk, it's that simple.

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  • nah, i don't need to hook to up know

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  • Are you trying to gain acceptance for having one night stands? lol

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  • Can't have a relationship with someone I'm not sexually compatible with.

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  • If by hookup you mean having sex or even making out without going all the way, then I disagree.

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  • To me it does not need to be sex but some kissing and touching up makes the process a lot more fun.

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  • Since when did "having sex," become called "hooking up?"

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  • AGREE

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  • Yeah I kinda agree actually

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  • Sure you don't buy a car with out a test drive so it's tge same idea here

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What Girls Said 9

  • The MOST important reason to have a sex life before deciding to enter into a more serious relationship is... sexual COMMUNICATION.

    What I mean by that is this:
    The way someone treats you, and interacts with you, as a lover... tells you TONS of things about
    • him,
    • how he feels about and respects women in general,
    • how he feels about and respects YOU in general.

    When people are intimate with each other, they have their guard down, in lots of different ways. Their everyday defense mechanisms are down, in all sorts of ways that are carefully guarded at just about every other time in life.

    • Are you dealing with a man who's fundamentally selfish and ultimately unconcerned with you? Then that WILL show in the way he treats you, yr needs, and yr orgasm. He'll be unconcerned with you and yr pleasure throughout yr intimacy. He won't be empathetic; he won't "read" you, to see whether you're experiencing enjoyment or pleasure or thrills; he'll just "get his".
    Sure, you might see these things in his behavior anyway, non-sexually -- but, it might take months or years for him to give it away.

    • Are you dealing with a man who's fundamentally inflexible, and won't allow YOUR priorities to have equal input with his?
    Then that will also show in the bedroom -- HE will always be the one who "draws the lines" and sets the boundaries and says what you will and won't do TOGETHER, and he won't be willing to listen to YOUR ideas and fantasies and boundaries and ideas.
    Again, you'd *eventually* see this outside the bedroom... but how long is "eventually"? Months? Years?

    • Are you dealing with someone who actually hates women?
    Then you'll see it. You'll see it when he's disgusted at the thought of being intimate during yr menstrual period -- a time when a man who loves women would be happy to just throw down some towels and make sweet (and bloody) love to you.
    You'll see it when he gets turned off, or even afraid, at the thought of female fantasies that don't work like male fantasies -- at the thought that women might (*gasp*) have a sexuality of our own, that doesn't work in exactly the same ways that men's does, and that doesn't work in the same ways that porn (which is made to extract $$$$ from men) does, either.

    • Are you dealing with a "confident" man whose confidence is actually all fake, and who's actually a prissy douchebag inside?
    Oh, you'll discover that IMMEDIATELY, as soon as you issue a few little challenges to him in the bedroom. An ACTUAL confident man

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    • 20d

      would savor that sort of thing, but a little pissy boy posing as an "alpha" would have a snitty sniveling reaction instead.

      You get me.

      There are 1290469513864 different things you can find out RIGHT AWAY about a man in the bedroom, that would possibly take months or years to find out through more worldly means. It's like a shortcut to the REAL guy.

      The only thing you have to be careful about is if you have the tendency to attach huge emotional significance to sexual encounters (i. e., if you'll fall hopelessly in love BECAUSE you have sex).
      This happens to some women -- and some men -- and not to others. If you are honestly the type who will probably be vulnerable to it, then you should wait until you're in a solidly committed relationship to get intimate with someone.

      No matter WHO you are, though, it's a fool's bet to wait until you've actually signed a marriage contract.

  • I disagree. Sex (at least for me) is an intimate thing that you share with someone you love. It's not a "get to know you" tool.

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  • In a sense, I can see the point. Sex is very important, if you do not mash well there, there will be trouble. But, I must admit, if I knew my date was a prolific womanizer at any level, I would loose interest. I would not trust him, because I would think he is not picky enough, or all he cares about is momentary gratification.

    If you mean meeting up to talk and stuff, of course this would be smart to do before, how else will you know their personality and values?

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  • I disagree. I've seen lots of couples that didn't do stuff until they're married and they're happy. But i guess since we're living on different countries and have different cultures, we will have different opinions about this.

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  • Disagree completely

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  • i would hook up even when i made my choice. hooking up is the best thing one can do

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  • I agree, I want to know how great we are together in bed as it would be something to motivate me to stay in the relationship if things did become difficult between us.

    Every relationship is something to work on together, to fall in love first would take longer than 2 years and I'm not waiting 2 years to have sex. . .

    Sometimes I fall in love because of the sex. Lol (dick whipped)

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    • 21d

      "Dick Whipped" ahaha brilliant! :D

    • 21d

      It's definitely the truth for me 🙈

    • 21d

      Same here, babe lol

  • No I don't need to have sex with someone before I know if I want a relationship or not.

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