How to be more approachable? What kind of guys do you approach?

Girls, what kind of guys do you approach?

I go to parties with my friends, I notice girls will talk to them, approach them, start conversations...

I rarely/never get approached.

How can I change this?

What makes you go talk to a guy? ( I know it's not looks, because I do look better than my friend)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It really depends because most girls like different things and also most girls won't approach guys. This also depends on the size of parties you go to and how much alcohol is involved. A girl who approaches you at a small or work-related party is just trying to be friendly. A girl in a sorority party who just took 10 Jell-O shots is trying to laid.

    What kind of parties do you go to and what kind of girls are you trying to find and what kind of relationship or lackthereof are you looking for.

    As a rule of thumb, I avoid talking to people in general unless they're approach me first. Guys, girls, friends, people looking to date me, whatever. But if I'm in a small group of people that one of my friends knows, then I'll act friendly and get to know everyone

    Your body language also plays a huge role in this. I have to tell my best friend all the time that guys aren't going to hit on her if she's looking at her phone the whole night. Most people don't know enough about body language to know if they're putting off bitchy or unapproachable vibes

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    • 21d

      That's true, I don't know enough about my own body language... I need to pay more attention to it.

      I am at both types of parties, I got sick of friendly girls so that's a huge reason I had stopped approaching girls. I'd rather have them contact/approach me. It's rare but it does happen,

      Personally I am looking for a serious relationship, I want to date, get to know the girl better... but I am not against hooking up with a girl for a night or having a fling. Depends on my mood as well.

    • 20d

      Most girls won't ask a guy out. I never will because I have to know he's going to put in the effort in a relationship, and if he won't even put the effort into asking me out, then he's not the guy for me. Several of my coworkers have low self esteem when it comes to guys and will actually hide from guys they find attractive (go figure, women).

      If you're waiting for girls to ask you out, they'll generally be the more masculine, aggressive types who are all business, no party, or mostly girls just wanting to hookup. Girls looking to hookup go for attractive guys (that's why so many people on this site complain about attractive guys).

      As long as you have the mentality of being okay with a fling, the girls looking for commitment will look the other way. We can smell desperation and flakiness a mile away. If you're looking for committment, you have to give off a vibe that says you want it and are willing to take care of a girl to get it.

    • 20d

      And as far as the intimidating thing goes, try to relax yourself a little bit. Tense jaw, shoulder, muscles clenched fists, and a furrowed can intimidate a girl. If her first instinct is to feel for her phone so she can call 911 in case you go gorilla on someone, she's definitely not looking for something romantic with you, it's not even on her radar.

      Try sitting and standing with good posture, palms up and open, and avoid crossing your arms and legs. If you feel tense, then you look tense. If it's a relaxed setting, then lean back in your chair without "manspreading" or grabbing your crotch all the time. Huge turnoffs for women because it makes you look aggressively dominant (and insecure to girls like me who know about body language.)

      But seriously, if you want a relationship, then you're going to have to ask girls out. You're missing out on about 50-70% of girls who like you if you never make the first move

Most Helpful Guy

  • Most of the times, girls will just not approach you because you're either talking to someone already, occupied or your body language is closed to yourself.

    If that's so, then girls might have the mentality of thinking: he's having a convo with someone, I'd rather not disturb it and make it awkward.

    Or usually she might feel too shy for intimidated. The better looking a guy is, the harder it is for the girl to approach.

    Next time, if you want to get approached, just have an open attitude, and look around, not talking to anyone. This is when you feel most awkward, and the tension is tough to bare because you'll feel all exposed, yet isolated, but that's when you're most approachable.

    Stand in the centre of the room.

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    • 21d

      These are really good points man, I will try to have better body language, stay to the middle, and just chill by myself.

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe you're too intimidating (If you really are that much more good looking than your friend.) Maybe you're giving a don't fuck with me look or closed stance. Maybe you should approach girls instead of waiting for them to approach you. Maybe you're thinking about it too hard and look like what I call, "hungry lions staking out their prey": it's a certain look guys have when they're thirsty and desperate.

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    • 21d

      Actually one of my female friends told me this exactly:
      "Maybe you're too intimidating (If you really are that much more good looking than your friend.) Maybe you're giving a don't fuck with me look or closed stance."

      She says I look like I would already have a girlfriend, and I look like a no BS type of guy... That's why they don't bother approaching me.

      I know I can approach girls, but the past couple years I just like chilling and letting them come to/message me... I don't chase them anymore.

      Any advice then? Just try to be more open? How to be less intimidating?

What Guys Said 1

  • in my experience, women don't. I've never had that happen in the 25 years I've been alive

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    • 21d

      It happens... Just let them chase you, and focus on your own life.

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