Why does my Ex act like he doesn't support my weight loss?

Yes, he's an ex. No, I'm not with him. No, I have no intention of being with him ever again. Yes, he knows that. Yes, he still has feelings for me. No, I am still not going to be with him. Yes, we are on good terms and still good friends and other than this, we have no issues.

Now that that's cleared up, he's a gym person and so am I. But every time I tell him what I'm doing, his response is, "Well, that's not going to do anything." I usually do cardio for 15-30 minutes (depending on how much weight training I do and if it's leg day) and I do weights for 30-35 minutes. I do them both once a day for one session. But he keeps telling me I'm not going to see any results even though I've already lost 15 pounds (from 185 to 170). So if I do Bicep curls with free weights, I usually use 10-15lbs. He told me I should use 25 and I can't and he thinks I'm lying. Then he told me I need to deadlift, and I can't do that either because of a back injury I had in a car accident when I was 16, and, again, he doesn't believe me.


He's a strength trainer, though, and I told him his goals were different. He can dead lift 335 and thinks that if I can't do what he does, then I'm doing something wrong.

He also told me cardio is a waste of time. And he told me I don't lift enough weight. I usually do 3 reps of 15 and I'm going to increase that to 20 next week, but he told me I'm wasting my time.


So... I'm not understanding why he's so hell bent on making sure I feel like I'm not doing anything right. He told me I need to eat 2,000 calories even though I eat 1600 and he said that's not enough. I had pancakes with a friend a few weeks ago and he told me that I'm not serious about losing weight because of TWO PANCAKES.

So I guess I have two questions. Why does it seem like he's not supporting me and is he right? Am I really not doing enough at the gym? I thought guys LIKE when girls are small and in shape so what's his deal?


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What Guys Said 16

  • He sounds like a know it all who thinks only his way will work.
    Who knows, he might also be jealous and not want you to improve your appearance.

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  • "He's a strength trainer, though, and I told him his goals were different"

    This. He just thinks everyone should train like him.

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  • Cardio is inefficient for losing fat compared to weight lifting or HIIT. So the goals are not too dissimilar - you don't lift weights merely to be jacked. You want tone after because low body fat is what makes you attractive rather than an arbitrary weight. 2000 calories of the right food is better than 1600 of Sugary pancakes too.

    THAT BEING SAID, you are seeing results doing what you're doing. So until that stops or slows down then you don't need to change it up.

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    • 17d

      I only had them once. And I know cardio alone won't do it, which is why I do both weights and cardio. Actually, I do more weights than I do cardio. I always do weight training each time I go to the gym but I only do cardio like 4 times a week.

      Also, I actually tried eating 2,000 calories of the right food and literally couldn't. I've never eaten 1600 calories of pancakes though lol, is that even possible? I believe the pancakes on the menu were a total of 350 calories. I didn't use syrup.

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    • 17d

      I'm in between weights. 15 is light but 20 is too much, I can't even get to 5 reps at 20. I thought about using weight wrist bands but I heard those don't irk.

    • 17d

      You should definitely look into deadlifting, because it does use every muscle in your body for the most part. literally start with the empty bar, and see how that feels first. The main thing is you really don't want to hurt yourself trying to do this. You could also look into swimming.

  • if he is really your ex... why do you even care?

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    • 17d

      What do mean? I don't follow his advice and I still do what I want. I was just wondering why he's like that is all.

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    • 17d

      You must not have read the first paragraph because you wouldn't be asking me these questions.

    • 17d

      the answer to my question is also yours... think about it... is that simple

  • Why do you care what your ex thinks?

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  • I think you put your finger on the problem. You have different goals and are at different places in your training.

    I'm sure that from his perspective, 15 lbs doesn't even count as a weight. I mean, I NOT a weight lifter, but when I see people using 10 lbs weights, so say to myself, "why even bother?" I mean you don't even know that they're there.

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    • 17d

      I only use 10lbs when warming up. I do the actual exercise at 15. But the problem is that whenever I go to the gym, the 15 ones are always taken. They only have 2 sets of them. I'm thinking I might have to buy my own and bring them with me to the gym.

    • 17d

      That sounds like a good plan.

  • When ex partners see that we are doing things to improve our self image
    they are jealous of us so they will say things to us so we don't get ahead
    of them in life. You want improve your health which i think is great to do
    but your ex is afraid that you will find someone way better than him that
    is why it's best to eliminate a ex from our life cause they are envious which
    is not fair to us and i wish you good luck on getting better health.

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  • Why would he? He is your ex.

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  • He sounds like a meat-head weightlifter who thinks everybody's goal is to be jacked. Some of us just want to drop some weigh and tone up. That sounds like what you're trying to do and are succeeding. Keep up the great work; I'm sure you'll have that "revenge body" you want in no time.

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  • I don't know. Maybe it's hard for him to open up and talk to you about it. Wish he could support you better though!

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  • Why do you still contact the guy. Dont be friends with an ex. Just asking for trouble.

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    • 17d

      If you aren't going to answer the question, I'd rather you not comment. Thank you.

    • 17d

      Well if you want any new relationship you shoukd end things and not worry about what your EX thinks or says.

    • 17d

      So I guess you're not going to answer the question 😂😂😂

  • Thats because he is trying to make you feel bad

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    • 17d

      I kinda figured but I would like to know why. Or maybe he's just an ass by nature 😂😂😂

    • 17d

      He's probably just an ass by nature

  • Sometimes our partner have to wonder our motive and if he thinks it's healthy or not ! It can be a control issue , it's worth talking to him about ! Good luck

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  • Bigger question... why do you care?

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    • 17d

      That's actually not the bigger question. If you aren't going to answer my question, then don't comment please.

  • Why do you even care?

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  • Why worry... he's an ex... just don't give a shit...

    Some guys like thicker women.

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    • 17d

      Not worried, just curious is all. I'm going to do what I'm going to do and he can kick rocks with no shoes on.

    • 17d

      OK.. cool :) Be yourself and don't let anyone tell you different :)

What Girls Said 9

  • Honestly, it's clear that he doesn't understand that not everybody loses weight the same cookie-cutter way. He's a weight lifter, already in shape, and clearly has a few control issues by the sounds of it.

    If I were you, and this is just the sass master in me, I'd tell him that I never asked for his opinion, and that I'm doing things at a pace that is appropriate for me, and will increase how much I lift/how much I do based on what feels right for me. If he can't respect that then he can't get angry if I tell him to take a rubber fist up the ass.

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  • He is a self perceived expert in the area of weight training and just likes hearing himself be "the expert" do your own homework and do the kind of work out you feel comfortable with. It sounds as though he wants you to have a body builder physique. He's your ex so you shouldn't have a problem telling him to keep his opinions to himself and that you know what you're doing.

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  • Im a gym person myself. And no offense to my other gym goers but they're all pretty arrogant when it comes to other people's goals. His main intention is probably to bulk up and get big and strong, you want to get lean and fit. And as far as the gym goes you're doing it right. To him it seems like what you're lifting is too light, because to him 25 is nothing. But if you're doing 3 reps of 15 you don't need a heavyweight, if it's too easy make it harder but if not leave it alone.

    As far as the pancake comment and what you're eating. If you're working out every day which I don't recommend because your body needs time to recover once in awhile, you probably should be getting more than 1600 calories. That being said pancakes are not the kind of calories I mean. It doesn't mean you can't cheat and have them once in a while though. But make sure that the calories that you are eating are full of vegetables and lean meats. Pinterest has a lot of meal plans for weight loss, or you could look up healthy recipes.

    You need to make sure you're getting enough calories to sustain the amount of work you put your muscles through.

    I don't think he's not being supportive. I think that he just thinks he's helping. Like I said his main focus has been to gain muscle and that's not yours, just keep doing your own thing I think he just wants to help.

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    • 17d

      I work out 6 days a week. The funny part is that HE is the one that doesn't rest lol. And I only had the pancakes once so it's really not a big deal. 1600 calories fills me up, though.

      Maybe he is bein supportive in his own way but it's still annoying.

  • Wow. I almost don't know where to start on this one.. Ummm. Haha.

    So, it seems that he has some serious need for control. That if you don't agree with him or do what he says, you're not serious about it and "that's disrespectful".

    He also doesn't seem to understand that people have different needs and what works for one person *might* not work for another. Usually it does (assuming they're the same height, around the same weight, same sex, etc). However, it's not always a guarantee.

    Truthfully, he sounds toxic. :/ I'd keep doing what you're doing and tell him goodbye. You can still be friends, but don't ask him for advice.

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  • He's your ex. Do yourself a favor and go t oa different gym... or go when he's not therre. You two broke up for a reason... and i can see why cuz he sounds annoying as hell.

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    • 17d

      We don't go to the gym together. He goes to the Y and I go to LA Fitness, but we used to talk about it. I tried to avoid the subject but he's always bringing it up and saying I'm not going to be able to do what he does.

      I mean, that's obvious, I'm a GIRL. I'm not trying to lift 335lbs.

    • 17d

      Wel maybe you should lift 335 just so you can go beat him down?

    • 17d

      I'd rather just take the deadlift bar and hit him over the head with it.

  • Don't worry about him he's an ex for a reason. Do what you want to do and keep doing it because you seem to be doing fine. I guarantee you this is what's going to happen. He's going to see you when you're looking fine as hell and he's gonna want you back. And that's how it's going to be when he expresses his feelings of saying you look so good. Guys don't express their emotions as easily as girls do and he's an ex so he doesn't expect himself to say those things to you anymore. Ignore what he does who cares what his opinions are do what you want to do and wait till he comes to you. If he gives you advice, then just say okay thank you! And that's it you don't need to go on about it just leave it be and do you seriously

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  • Well he's sounds like a gym nut that thinks he knows everything about fitness. I think he wants to be the one to tell you what you're doing right and wrong, rather than having you think for yourself.

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  • each person has his own rhythm and technique and you can t really push someone over his own limits.
    so baby steps and since you re seeing results then good on you.
    he should just chill lol

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  • sounds like a personality thing, am i right?

    very annoying

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