Do men ever need to withdraw a little and get space if they get really close to a girl and are not ready to commit?

Online there are various articles - men are like rubber bands etc. Give them space. All normal. Other trains of thought seem to suggest if he is doing this he's not that into you.

Why is there so much conflicting information?

Guys - do you ever genuinely need some space to reassess after you get close to a girl? Is it a case of it got too intimate?

I feel like women need answers... and probably guys as well as I'm sure this happens on the other side.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes sometimes. I believe it's with everyone though, male and female and how common it is just depends on the individual person. And it could be for many different reasons which is why the conflicting information. Fear, not sure about the relationship (his/her feelings), or maybe just genuinely needs a bit of space (not used to being that close to someone and needs to get used to it). It's all about honesty and communication between you and how good that is. Unfortunately people don't talk about it, jump to conclusions and/or just break up because of it.

    "Other trains of thought seem to suggest if he is doing this he's not that into you."

    While that statement could be true, I think it's less likely then the other reasons I mentioned above. Fear is usually the common reason. People are afraid to open themselves up and be truly close to another person.

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What Guys Said 18

  • I think it's normal for a guy (or a girl the other way around) to need alone time, even when he is totally crazy and in love with a girl. Especially is he at all introverted he actually needs that time to recharge. It doesn't mean he's not into the person he's in a relationship with.

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    • 16d

      Do you think people would do this at the start of a relationship or what could be a relationship?

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    • 16d

      @LoveHolyGod You're welcome. It's always painful when physical distance keeps two people apart who really care about each other.

    • 16d

      It's okay, I'm happy single too lol :)

  • "Why is there so much conflicting information?"
    Because it sells magazines. They will say the complete opposite in next month's issue and women will still buy it.
    Let me tell you a secret. We are ALL DIFFERENT. There is no special recipe that enables you to put every single man in the same little box. Some guys react in some way, some others react in another way.

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  • I think men sometimes need space and time to themselves in general. Everyone does sometimes. Just time to do things on their own without their significant other or girlfriend being there with them. They also need time to hang out with their own friends and do other stuff too.
    So sometimes it might be to take a step back and reassess and other times its for like I said above.

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  • I'm not put off by intimacy itself. What I find uncomfortable is when a woman tries to seize control. I'm sure women do this mostly out of a need for a sense of security but it only leaves me wanting to withdraw. That's the rubber band or bungee effect I think you're implying.

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  • Agreed, esp. if the gal is running ahead, pulling on them a bit

    Another stall may be created w/o ANY gal push/pulls = he feels SO comfortable with life with her, he finds himself on a slippery slide into marriage thoughts, plans and has no grips in sight to grab onto to stall/postpone this slide (e. g. faults and other negatives in the relationship) ... other than his loss of freedom and being open to all kinds of gals (always better as a fantasy than in real life)

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  • The reason that there is conflicting information is that everyone is different.

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  • The answer is: each guy is different. A smart woman will also recognize the differences between a guy who truly cares but needs some space and a guy who is playing her and needs some time to spend with his side chicks, most women are not very smart though...

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  • Well its not an easy decision. Sometimes it takes time to make that choice. It really depends on the guy. But space might be needed for him to come to a decision. I am not sure about your current situation but that is just a general assumption

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  • Depends on what the guy is looking for. If i just wanted a casual relationship or a friend with benefits and the girl felt like "you are the love of my life" or "how should we name our 5th kid?", then i would tell her i needed space and a lower pace. I know girls that did that aswell. Its not gender specific.

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  • Why not ask the guy, I mean isn't that the way to go. No one can answer for someone else, so seek what you need from the person who would know best.

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    • 16d

      This is just a general discussion point - there is no specific person to ask.

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    • 16d

      Actually I have a masters in the social sciences so I often ask questions on here about topics I have read about.

    • 16d

      And as you stated it's conflicting... so a master's isn't helping is it.

  • If they have some kind of hang-up due to a past experience, then yes.

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  • no ı dont

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  • If I answer this question, will it stop showing up every time I answer another question?

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  • If you find the right person, then it is as comfortable to be with them as it is to be with yourself, sometimes more comfortable. Some people might genuinely need space, but I don't think that is the norm.

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  • Because people are diferent. Generaly if there's open communication it shouldn't be a problem. But it's true, it can scare the sh*t out of us to open up much.

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  • I got betrayed every time.

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  • I need a ton of space right now.

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  • You'll only find out overtime by his behavior but from my experience, if someone acts hot and cold or distant consistently then it's a red flag to me.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Of course, guys needs spaces just like some women needs space. If it's not his intentions to get that close to you or a girl in general, remember that it's all hormones and not how he really feels. And even if it is how he feels, feelings is irrelevant. Using his brain and rationalizing his intentions for now on is far more important. He can't make a decision if his emotions are in the way. It's best to stay away from such magazines and stuff. They are not the best way to reliable resources regarding relationships and such. The issue is not the men, it's women who refuses to understand what makes the guy THEIR interested in thick's and works. For not every guy is the same psychologically, nor mentality.

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  • The guy I like and I like each other but he couldn't be in a relationship, we were still friends but barely talked, he became quieter/moodier, 2 weeks later he reached out to me randomly which was 2 weeks ago, and we're closer than ever. Like, closer than I ever thought we may become. It feels and looks like we're a couple but he hasn't asked me yet.

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  • Of course some guys do and some guys don't. Personally, I've never had a guy like that or heard any of my friends mention it about theirs.

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