Do people really think that dating single parents automatically equals "drama" ?

There's a guy who I've liked for a while and I've never been sure if he liked me or not. Partly because I never assume, and partly because he knows I have a little girl and many guys can be a bit put off by that, which I do understand.
We have a mutual close friend, that's how I know him, and we were both round there last night and he asked if my daughter's dad was in the picture and yes in that he spent time with her, and then he said that if it was just me, he'd have liked to get to know me, but he doesn't want to get into anything with an ex hanging around. ( He isn't my ex, we were friends with benefits)
I did tell this guy that my ex (who isn't my ex) dates other people and that he wouldn't do anything because it's none of his business, but he said it was too much potential drama.
There's no drama though, and why would he just assume? Even in the unlikely event that there would be drama, he could still walk away then. My daughter's dad is a pretty chilled out guy, he may even have liked him.
Do people really look at separated parents and think all circumstances are the same?


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What Guys Said 17

  • Look at it from his point of view.

    What reason would he (or most guys) have to risk it, when he can pick from plenty of other eligible women who don't have kids? You have to give him a good reason to date you with that extra baggage. I'm also going to assume your kid comes first, so he's started off at a disadvantage already.

    I agree not all single parents are the same but, they have one thing in common in that they have PROVEN that they make bad choices, especially if they're young single parents.

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  • I will never date another single mother. I was with my ex for 3 years and met her little boy when he was about 6 months old. I was there for his first step, his first word and raised him as my own son.

    Then one day out of the blue she broke it off and I lost my girlfriend and the child I had raised as my own for 2 1/2 years. You can't help but get attached and it broke my heart, and it still hurts to this day.

    Single mums are a deal breaker for me now. I will never invest another minute of my time forming a relationship with someone else kids.

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    • 20d

      That's completely understandable in your case. I'm really sorry about what happened to you and I can understand why it's so painful.

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    • 14d

      @Marinepilot My daughter's dad and I were never in a full on relationship and he's not a bad guy overall. He could've walked away, but he didn't.
      We're good friends, and we work things out as we go along as far as our daughter is concerned.
      I don't need a substitute father for her, she has her dad.
      As far as dating for me in the future is concerned, all he has to is be good to her. I will need my daughter to like him and vice versa, but there is no duty there for him.

    • 13d

      You say that, however experience tells me he will have duties. Invariably.

  • So, understanding this correctly. You had a kid with a friend with benefits, but never even attempted to date or make it work? Are you and your "not ex" close? Still having sex together occasionally/recently?

    As a man that is extremely wary of dating women with kids. Dating a woman that has kids means stepping into a fatherly role regardless of how much you may think otherwise. It sounds to me like he is not quite ready to step up to that plate yet.

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    • 20d

      He and I talked about giving things a proper shot but it wouldn't work. We both know that We're better as we are.
      We do still sleep together occasionally, but the last time was over a month ago.
      I am wary about dating and finding someone who I can be sure will get along with my daughter... but that's all they need to do. She has a dad, there is no role there that needs to be filled.

    • 20d

      ... but I do understand where you're coming from.

  • Many men do. I've dated three single mothers and every time there was
    too much drama. Plus, I don't tolerate ex's of any persuasion. I know
    that not all single moms have drama. Although more do than don't. Some
    guys can date single moms seamlessly. I can't. It's just not my cup of tea.
    Plus there's way more compromises than I'm willing to make.

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  • I would recommend that YOU, as a single mother, date single fathers if possible, it would make everything more easy and smooth.

    It's really difficult you find a guy your age that will put up with a child, the ex husband, the drama from your past relationship.

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  • I knew a guy who was dating a woman and had to park around the corner from her house lest her ex see his car and come looking for him to start shit.

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    • 20d

      My daughter's dad isn't the kind of person to "start shit" though. He's not spineless, but he's not aggressive for the sake of being aggressive

    • 19d

      The point is that, a guy who meets a new girl and discovers she's a single mom isn't going to know that. She might even claim there's no drama to stop him from dumping her, even if the baby daddy is crazy.

    • 14d

      I wouldn't do that. I'd make her come to me. I don't run from anyone. Especially an ex.

  • Its more the slight worry about the kid and how the kid views the single parents new date. As that kinda seals the deal with the relationship. And not every guy or gal is exactly comfortable being around kids.

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  • relationships are tough if there going well let alone if you bring a young child into the picture. looking in on the outside it just looks like a lot of toes yo step on. you just need to keep him close and let him see how you deal with everything and slowly bring him closer.

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  • I don't know about automatically, but I'm not dating a chick with a kid

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  • Drama isn't guaranteed, but I still don't want to step into that situation.

    Especially when I can easily find a girl who hasn't had any kids. It's more of a "why risk it" situation.

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  • No but it's dangerous you have no idea what you got into, cause ever guy is different some don't care and never cared others cared a lot and can lead to violence so don't assume anything Hun I wouldn't date you ever you are a risk

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  • The older you get the more people realize this is t true...

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  • Yes. It's difficult.

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  • its all about the love, for me most of my girlfriends have been single moms when i met them and had no more drama than girlfriends with no kids

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  • dating = drama
    single parents are indeed not an exception to this rule

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  • it can-it all depends on love and patients

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  • It seems so and a lot times it's no big deal but now I have the same problem and my kids don't live with me

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What Girls Said 4

  • Not all single parents come with baggage. But some do. I think part of the problem is that you are permanently tied to the other parent. Even if you have no interest in them, you still have a history with that person. Now in your case it sounds like it's all good. But any guy who is going to date you isn't going to know what is going on with your ex.

    When they have plenty of other options in the dating world, that can seem like too much to bother with. I know that sounds mean. But that's the reality. You have to find people who are willing to look past it. There are definitely people who can and will. I think you just have to get to know guys on a deeper level before dating them. Once they find out that you and the dad are on good terms, but not interested in one another at all then I think they will relax a bit.

    Try dating other single parents too. Don't write them off. They will understand your situation the best. It's hard for someone without kids to understand what it's like. They won't understand why you can't just be spontaneous and take a trip somewhere, they won't understand when your kid is sick and you have to cancel. Some will understand. But it will be hard.

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  • I don't think so. However, it is smart to think of possible pros and cons before you become a part of the child's life and realize it's not a situation your comfortable with.

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  • I do. I do not want to date a single dad because of baby mama drama

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